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Blissful Ignorance

Every year of our lives, Jacob and I had a shared birthday party. Our families would gather in Jacob's back yard somewhere between the twenty first of June and the eighth of July to celebrate. It was hard to believe that there even was a war: we had sugar for cake, plenty of food for our party of eleven, money for presents, and young enough not to have a care in the world. We always saved all through spring to buy a present for each other, and, cheeky as always, I received a book with swimming instructions from my companion.
"You may need it in the future," he said with a glimmer in his eye. The day continued as our birthdays always had: Otto was especially kind to Clara, Jacob's sister. Leni and Jacob's brother in law, Peter, were present as well, sitting with the adults as usual. Though Karl was fourteen, he was always happy to play games with his younger brother, Jan and I. All four children of Theo and Ida Rheder looked the same: they all had blonde hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. The two biological children of Julia and Linus Fischer looked similar enough: Otto's hair was medium ashy blonde while mine was lighter, but our eyes were the same blue-grey. Jan looked nothing at all like us, but he was the child of our Jewish neighbors, adopted by our family when he was a baby. His dark brown hair and steel grey eyes gave him away as being, well, different, but we called him ours just the same. Eventually we grew tired of running, and I sat with Jacob in the grass, watching the sun set over the trees. Karl had engrossed himself in a book, Otto and Clara had disappeared, and Jan was fast asleep with his head in my lap.
"The Nazis have taken France," Peter said. Papa sighed, "they've left the British alone against us." Mama shook her head.
"I've heard rumors of 'total victory', or at least an early end to the war." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mama study Jan. She had been doing that a lot lately, and I didn't understand why.
"They will make him wear a star soon, Julia," Mrs. Rheder cautioned. "What will you do?" I didn't hear Mama's response, but I had seen some girls and boys at school wearing yellow, six pointed stars on their lapels or coat fronts. Papa cleared his throat.
"Perhaps we should be going," he stood and shook hands with Mr. Rheder. "Thank you for lending us your yard." Mrs. Rheder laughed uncomfortably, sensing the tension in the air. "It's always a pleasure," she said as Mama stood. They embraced, and I didn't miss Mrs. Rheder's offer of "if she needed anything" murmured to Mama. Mama nodded, giving a tight smile, and called us over. Otto appeared from no where, a blushing Clara at his heels. Mama picked up Jan's hat and brushed off the grass.
"It's time to go, we've over stayed our welcome."
"Mama please, can't we stay a bit longer?" I asked. Mama looked at me sharply.
"Do not be rude, Alina. And your brother needs to get home and go to sleep. It's late enough as it is," she said taking Jan's hand.
"Julia, it's alright. Otto and Alina can stay, if it's fine with you." I glanced gratefully at Mr. Rheder. Mama sighed and nodded resignedly.
"Don't cause trouble." She was eyeing me and I knew it, but I ignored it and thanked her.
A half hour later, Jacob and I lay on our backs, taking in the night sky.
"You know, your brother loves my sister." I blinked and rolled over so I could see Jacob better.                                                                              
"He does not!" Jacob didn't look at me, just shrugged.
"Does too. He's probably kissing her behind the garage as we speak." I listened but heard nothing. Could you hear a kiss anyway? I rolled back over and closed my eyes. There was a flutter at my left hand, a pause, and suddenly my hand was very warm. I raised my head to look, and saw that Jacob was holding my hand. I studied his fingers intertwined with mine. Returning my head back to the grass, I waited.          This was not like books or movies. I didn't have a funny feeling in my stomach, I didn't immediately fall in love. Mama said no one falls in love until they turn eighteen, which made sense considering the situation and my lack of soaring emotion. But Clara was seventeen...
And as much as I thought Jacob was a nice person, he was Jacob. Jacob who dumped me in the river. Jacob who had raced me through the rain all last summer. Jacob who had been my closest friend since the first day of first grade. This would ruin everything.
I abruptly let go. I couldn't. I felt nothing. Not that I should have felt anything, but needless to say I was glad that I didn't. Jacob didn't say anything.
"LI think I ought to go," I said and stood, brushing dirt and grass from my dress. Jacob nodded, but didn't look at me.
"You know, if Otto hurts her, I'll kill him and make it look like an accident." There. Old Jacob was back.
"You would not," I chastised, walking away. Otto was leaning against the house, talking to Clara of course, when I came to find him. He saw me, said nothing, squeezed her hand, and put on his hat. We passed the rows of houses in silence. Little bits of laughter or music occasionally broke out reverie, but we slipped back into our separate worlds again, deep in thought. It wasn't until we reached the front step that I had the nerve to ask Otto.
"Do you love Clara?" Otto gripped the hand rail.
"Now what gave you that idea, hm?" He waited, then shook his head. "You're such a child," I heard him mumble.
"I'm not so much younger than you!" I retorted.
"No!" he snapped.
"Otto-" he cut me off when he raised the back of his hand and smacked me across the face, the force and shock of which sent me down the steps.
"If you were not a child, you would understand-!" He cut himself off, breathing heavily. My back was to him, legs akimbo on the side walk. But I could imagine him in the lamp light, his silhouette tall and protective behind me. Protective. Safe. Home. All of these things seemingly shattered before my eyes. This was not Otto. My Otto. This was what Otto's want to go to war was turning him into: hurtful, condescending, monster Otto.
"Look, I-" he began. I flew to my feet, shoved him against the rail, and ran inside, tears blinding my way as I charged up the steps. My door slammed, but I didn't remember touching it. My mother appeared at the door.
"Alina," she said smoothly, "I need you to collect all of Jan's shirts. Even the night clothes." I rubbed my eyes and sat up to face her.
"Why?" In the hall light, I could see she carried a small bolt of cloth and a pencil. She stepped into the room, shook her head, and pressed a finger to her lips.
"When we get downstairs. I don't want them to hear." She turned and left the room. Sighing, I took off my shoes and crept into the room Jan shared with Otto. I listened, and when I was sure Otto wasn't present, I twisted the knob and tip toed inside. Jan was sprawled on his stomach, sweaty hair plastered to his fore head, sheets tangled beneath his legs, his lamb just out of reach of an outstretched hand. The lamb's button eyes watched me, catching me in the act as I sifted through the drawers, taking out the shirts.
"I think I've got them all," I whispered in Mama's general direction as I came down the stairs. "But I took the ones that didn't quite fit as-" I stared at the table. Two six pointed stars sat next to Mama, glaringly yellow and baring the word JEW in bold black letters.
"Frau Rheder was right. Help me with these, won't you?"