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Death

      It's an interesting sensation.
      An emptiness, of sorts.
      Seeing your own mother swinging from the stair case by your father's belt.
      Your scream gets caught in your throat.
      Your eyes flood with hot tears like a dam breaking in two.
      But it doesn't hold a candle to your heart.
      Your poor, broken little heart.
      Your heart that beckons you to follow her.
      Come, it says.
      Follow
      Follow
      Follow
      Each 'follow' hitting like bombs in the night until it seems you have gone deaf to the noise.
       Follow
       "My boys need me"
       Follow
       That was it.
       Follow
       All she had left for her abandoned daughter on a newspaper margin, crumpled on the kitchen table.
       Follow
      The living daughter she had left for two dead boys.
       Follow
       Her loving husband who had forgone being sober for the past two months. 
      Follow
      It was as if he had abandoned the living girl too.
      Follow
     The girl who needed him.
     Follow
     Who needed her.
     "I needed you," I whispered to the rain.
     "I know," it responded as it patterned against her headstone. She and Otto, side by side again.
      "Alina," a voice came from behind me. "Come home. It's getting dark."
      "Nein."
     "Alina-"
     "Nein!" I collapsed in front of the headstone, the sodden earth spreading its cold tendrils into my stockings. In late May, the cool mud relieved some of the heat.
      The person wrapped their arms around me. Jacob. Familiar Jacob. "It's alright," he whispered to my hair. "It's alright."  
      "No it's not! You said so yourself, in the church-" my sobs choked off my declaration of hopelessness. "I needed her!" More sobs wracked my body. "I need my Mama! And she left me!"
      "You'll see her again," he whispered. I shook my head and slammed my hand into the earth, where I knew my mother was sleeping below.
      "I can't do this!" I cried.
      "Yes, you can. You have to brave, Alina." Without another word, he helped me stand, then scooped me into his arms. I begged to be put down, to die, but still Jacob walked on through the back roads of Felstental. Our little village whose streets were deserted, as if life itself had left the place.
      My father was sitting at the table when we came in, a bottle in his hand and his head tipped to the ceiling. He had been crying, I could see the tear tracks on his cheeks. I had given up on calling out to him long ago.
      Jacob lead me down the stairs and sat me on the tipping, three legged stool by the laundry line. "It's cooler down here," he groped for an explanation. I didn't even raise my eyes to look into his rain streaked face. "Get dried off, alright? I'll see you in the morning." He took a step to leave, then second guessed and squatted in front of me. "All we need to do is get through the end of the school year. Then everything will be over and we could spend time together and-and I'll help you. We can do this." He took my hands, "just please try not to do this alone." I nodded, for his sake. He tramped up the stairs, leaving a trail of wet shoe prints in his wake.
      I sat there for I don't know how long, out of tears.
      Then the sirens sounded.
       Follow
      Boom
      Follow
      Boom
      Closer and closer they came.
      Closer
      Boom
     I closed my eyes, heavy with exhaustion.
     Follow
     Boom
     People were screaming.
     Follow
     The glass in the windows shattered.
      Closer
      Boom
     The frame of the house groaned.
     Follow
     Closer
     Wood splintered and snapped from upstairs.
     Follow
     Closer
     I could hear Otto, "almost there".
     Boom
     Boom
     I accepted defeat.
     Crash
     Scream
     "Help us!"
   And welcomed the blast that threw me across the room.
     Follow
     Closer
    And turned my vision to black.
    Follow
    Follow
    Closer
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