When Luck Runs Out

The Necklace That's Been Through it All

    "It's a miracle." John muttered, looking at his hands over and over again.
"No it's not, it's science." I insisted.
"Oh come on Sherlock, be a bit more cheery, it's not the end of the world." John debated.
"Not yet, no." I agreed. John just groaned, but before he could say anything insulting or sarcastic the doors opened, and we walked back into our little flat.
"Well?" Mrs. Hudson asked. She and Molly were sitting on the couch, talking about something unimportant I'm sure.
"It's fine, miracle cream works miracles." John decided, coming over and sitting on the couch across from Molly.
"We were just talking..." Molly started.
"Shocker there." I muttered.
"...and we decided that you two need to start focusing more on the games." Molly decided. I didn't really have time to be annoyed, or even angry, because I was too busy being confused.
"What the heck does that mean?" I asked.
"Well, for starters, no skipping meals." Mrs. Hudson decided. I groaned, but I knew she was right, even if I wouldn't admit it.
"And hydration, hydration is key so you'll be carrying water bottles where ever you go." Molly agreed.
"That'll just make us need to go to the bathroom!" I whined.
"No getting out of it, I'm your mentor, and as your mentor I'm going to make sure you two are well prepared, even if we only have two more days together." Molly decided.
"Please don't remind me." I muttered.
"Embrace it Sherlock, don't run from it." Mrs. Hudson insisted.
"There's no embracing it! After I go into that arena I'm not coming out, I'm sorry to disappoint, but that's not really on my list of celebration." I snapped.
"We have to think that you might." Mrs. Hudson debated.
"Well then that means John's not." I pointed out. Molly covered her face with her hands, as if she were on the verge of tears once more, and that was enough to silence me.
"We need to be prepared for the worst." I insisted, sitting on the couch next to John.
"We already have." Molly insisted. I scowled, pulling my legs up to my chest and sitting in a little sulky ball.
"Ah, dinner." Mrs. Hudson announced, sounding relieved beyond belief. No one moved except the Avoxes as they put the multiple platters and bowls onto the table. Mrs. Hudson took one more defeated look around and then sighed with annoyance, getting up and going to the table. We followed in a slow, mournful procession, as if this would be out last dinner ever. The meal itself was quiet, Molly had loaded our plates with all these vegetables and meats, mashed potatoes and rolls, and insisted that we eat all of it. Needless to say I was still trying to force feed myself mushy cold vegetables long after they had enjoyed their puddings and cakes. When I was finally done I left the table in a bit of a fit, really wanting some alone time, so I locked my door and sat on my bed, closing the blinds and turning off the lights so I was in my own little dark paradise. Even though I had my little power meal I felt no different, it wasn't like Popeye the Sailor Man, where you ate one speck of vegetables and you suddenly you have bulging muscles. I was the same scrawny kid as I was when I reaped. My outer shell was certainly the same, there wasn't anything obscurely different about my appearance, but if you had some mind reader take a dig around my head, I'm pretty sure they'd have a heart attack. All the things I've done, all the things I've considered doing, and the things I know I can't do, they molded together in this huge brick, and I could feel it in my head, weighing down my head, clouding my thoughts and judgment, making every day a living hell. I sighed, trying to knock aside the duffle bag off of my bed so that I could lie down, but instead my hand hit something solid. That was definitely odd; I don't remember putting anything in there except shirts, pants, and drugs. I opened the bag curiously and saw my knife in there, the one I used to keep under my pillow in case of any attacks. I picked it up and unsheathed it, examining to silver blade peppered with spots of rust. Back before John's games this was one of the things that helped me fall asleep, knowing that if something was to happen I could repeat my barbaric, murderous actions, and stick someone's brain once more. It had never exactly been in someone's brain, but I had gutted plenty of mattresses, and also hacked apart a bedpost. All through my nightmares, all through the night, they'd never go away. John or no John, I still visited my hellish life when I closed my eyes. Soon I would have to die, but how I didn't know. I'd like to think that I could pick, stab myself, jump off something, maybe even tie bricks to my feet and jump into the ocean. But that was highly unlikely, I would probably be caught in Jim's trap, I'd be tortured, he'd carve through my stomach, dig out my organs, laugh as I screamed... I looked at the knife once more. Would it not just be easier to get it over with? I didn't know what they did with tributes that never made it to the games, but I'm sure in 75 years at least one had decided to take matters into their own hands. If I could slip in a knife, I'm sure someone else could. I could just do it right now, I could ensure that a blade never even touched John; I could ensure that he made it out...
"Sherlock, you in there?" John asked. I quickly hid the knife back into my bag and threw the duffle on the floor, to make sure he never found out what I had considered to do.
"Yes, I'm here." I called back.
"You mind letting me in?" John asked, wiggling the door handle aimlessly. I groaned, rolling off of the bed and popping the lock for him to enter.
"What's gotten into you?" John asked, shutting the door behind him.
"What do you mean?" I asked nervously.
"You've been shutting yourself away a lot now, I mean, I know you weren't always the most sociable, but still, we've only got two more days left." John pointed out. He threw me a plastic water bottle, with the Capital logo on the side of it. Bottled in Four no doubt.
"What's this for?" I asked.
"Molly's whole hydration plan." He sighed, holding up his own bottle, which he had already sipped from.
"Well that's just stupid." I decided, putting the bottle on the night stand and sitting down on my bed once more.
"What's wrong Sherlock?" John asked, sitting next to me and taking one of my hands. I was now aware how sweaty my palm must be, that was a bit embarrassing. If only I could just wipe it off on the bedspread.
"Everything's wrong." I admitted.
"But why now?" he asked.
"Well, I could name a few good reasons..." I started.
"I mean why now. We've already been here three days, you've had time to let it sink in, you weren't that bad before." he pointed out.
"Every day it just gets closer; it gets worse because I knew that everything I do will be the last. I know that now my life has a timer, and every second the time gets lower and lower and soon I know zero will arrive." I pointed out. John sighed, pulling at a chain around his neck and pulling out the necklace I had given him. I was nothing special, just a small little pendant with a twelve on it, but it had been my token in the games, and I passed it back to him, so that he could use it as a symbol of perseverance, so that he had something to fight for when he followed my path.
"You still have that?" I asked with amazement.
"Don't say that, of course I do. I've had it since you gave it to me, wore it every day." John assured, unclasping the chain and letting the necklace dangle in front of us.
"Do you remember, the night after my games, when we were on the train?" he asked.
"The night I kicked you in the face?" I asked with a slight smile.
"Ya, that night." He agreed. I nodded.
"And I had bad dreams, I dreamt about that Jeff kid, my first game induced nightmare. We sat on the floor next to the bed, and you gave me this necklace, and you said that I had to look at it and think of home and all of that?" John asked.
"Sounds like something I'd say." I agreed.
"Well you didn't have to tell me that, I did of course, I took it out and I looked at it whenever I thought that it might just be easier to just give up all together. To go run into the careers and scream here I am! But I didn't, because I'd look at this charm and I wouldn't think about home at all. Throughout those games I didn't care about twelve, I didn't care about my family, my friends, the only thing that would convince me to stay hidden was you. The only thing that made me fight so hard, that made me trick those careers, that made me smash his head into the lava, it was you, it always was and it always will be." John insisted.
"Well, I'm happy you found me worth all of that." I muttered. John squeezed my hand, maybe a little bit too tight, but it was probably meant to wake me up from whatever daze I was in.
"You're worth so much more Sherlock." John assured.
"So are you." I agreed.
"And that's why I'm going to go down in that arena, that's why I'm going to prolong your timer as long as I can to make sure that not a scratch touches you." John assured. I groaned, whatever little moment we were having was just brutally murdered by the reminder that we'd never have the company of each other for much longer.
"Why'd you have to bring that up?" I asked.
"Because we have to treasure the time we have together Sherlock. So here, take it." he decided, holding out the necklace to me.
"No, I gave it to you." I insisted.
"It's for remembering what we live for, and right now, you need it more than me." he decided. I sighed with surrender, but nodded.
"I guess I do." I agreed, thinking back to the knife I had been staring longingly at. John smiled, wrapping the chain loosely around my neck and clasping it.
"I was the one that put it around your neck way back when." I remembered.
"Now I'm returning the favor." He agreed.
"So much changed." I decided.
"So much improved as well though. When you put this necklace on me we were both confused, we wouldn't admit our feelings for each other, and we were terrified of what was to come." John insisted.
"I'm still scared." I pointed out.
"You'd be inhuman not to be." He agreed. "But now at least we aren't hiding anything from each other." I couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty when I remembered the drugs that were sitting in wait under my bed.
"No, I guess we're not." I agreed. John smiled gently at me, as if trying to tell me that I was a big idiot without actually saying it.
"So no more hiding from each other." He decided.
"No guarantees." I shrugged.
"Okay, okay, fair enough. But let me in too; don't leave me out there with the moms." He insisted.
"Now that would just be mean." I agreed with a laugh. John smiled once more at me, planting a small kiss on my cheek for good measure.
"Now let's go out and be social." John decided.
"Why should I do that? I'm having a nice time in here." I defended.
"Because Molly and Mrs. Hudson are out there, and we've only got two more days to spend with them." John pointed out.
"Good point." I muttered. John got up, opening the door and letting the intoxicating light flood in. I groaned, but tucked the necklace into my shirt, a habit I should probably get back into, and followed. When we got out there Mrs. Hudson and Molly were on the couch, they had probably been talking about something, but our arrival had cut them off.
"Hello Sherlock." Molly said with a smile.
"Nice surprise huh?" John laughed, sitting down on the couch and leaving room for me.
"Definitely. We thought he'd be hiding in his room all night." Mrs. Hudson agreed.
"He can hear you." I pointed out, slouching down on the couch with a frown.
"Stop looking so mopey." Molly insisted.
"While we've got both of you cornered here, what are you planning on doing for the interviews?" Mrs. Hudson asked. Molly nodded in agreement; obviously they both thought this was a brilliant time to drill us with yet more game stuff.
"We'll just be ourselves." I decided.
"Well, try to play up yourselves a bit more." Molly decided.
"What?" John asked.
"I mean, like, I know you guys love each other immensely, but show it more than you do in real life. Go on and on about how much you knew you had to volunteer for him Sherlock, and John just say how much of a tragedy it is that you're both going in together, but how you knew that neither could do it alone." Molly insisted.
"That is what happened." I pointed out.
"Exactly what happened." John agreed.
"Well, we didn't know that, and the public doesn't know it. The more of a sob story you have resting on you, the more sponsors you get." Mrs. Hudson insisted.
"I've picked up on that, yes." John agreed.
"You'll be fine, and I'm sure Anthea and Sara are working on the suits as we speak." Molly assured.
"It's eight thirty." I debated.
"They have no lives, honestly." Molly insisted. John giggled a little bit at that, but I knew Molly was right. I'm sure those two spend their days and nights planning outfits just for the fun of it.
"Well, I'm sure I smell like a million of bad things, so I'm going to go shower, don't bother saving all the fun topics for when I get back." I decided, getting up from the couch.