Devotion (boyxboy)

Chapter 6

He does not remember a thing from that unfortunate night!  I thank the God's above for that and have now resigned myself to completely avoiding him.  It has been two weeks since THAT night and I don't know how to proceed with my life. 

Having memorized his class schedule and daily routine I have managed to not lay eyes on him for two whole weeks and I now feel my heart grow heavy with this absence but I know not what to do.

If I lay eyes on him I know my will, will crumble and I will break my own heart.  This is how I see the situation at hand.  I could tell him how I feel but he would reject me for my alter ego.  That in itself is a mind trip.  On the other hand, I could tell him the whole truth but he would, I am sure, feel betrayed and would reject me anyhow.

My current work in progress reads like a diary into my very soul.  It seems to be the only way to temporarily purge myself of my inner demons just to function each day.

I am currently heading towards my room because I know for a fact that Keaton is at his 3PM swim class and I need to pack a weekend bag as I have a meeting with my publisher on Saturday which is tomorrow.  It's better if I am just not here the entire weekend as it is much harder to avoid him then.

As I unlock my door and enter the room, I stop breathing for just a moment.  Keaton is sitting on his bed staring right at me with a slew of emotions that take me a few moments to decipher.

Anger, regret, sorrow, pain...I am in shock.  Before I can even respond he just looks right into my eyes and whispers ever so softly, "What have I done to make you avoid me for two fucking weeks now.  I know that some of our class mates find you a bit eccentric with how you keep mostly to yourself but I don't feel as they do.  Getting to know you better I have discovered that you are just shy and I find that endearing.  It is also the reason why I thought we were friends but apparently I must be the only one thinking it because friends do not avoid each other like the plague."

As he spoke to me in a broken whisper with a hint of a sob behind it I felt my heart trully break because I did this to him.  I took a deep breath in and out, dropped everything in my hands on the floor around me and walked over to him and knelt before him. 

I could endure many things but I could not endure the idea that I hurt Keaton in any way.  This is why my heart hurts.  So I put all my silliness aside and concentrated on just him.  I took his hand in mine and struggled with the short breaths I lost at the contact of his skin with mine and then I felt it, glorious tingles running throughout my hand and I looked up at him and replied, " I am sorry if I gave you that impression.  You have done nothing wrong.  You are perfect!  There is just something I am dealing with and usually it's better dealt with alone.  You are my dear friend and I am so anguished at the thought that I caused you any unnecessary pain with my actions.  Please forgive me." 

I bent my head down to hide the tears that were so dangerously close to falling.  I cannot believe I did this to my love.  I felt more tingles running through my finger tips as he gently used his to rub mine.  Then he asks a question I am not sure how to answer. 

"Balin, what's wrong? What are you going through?  Maybe I can help.  I am your friend that is what friends do for each other."

I know I cannot lie to him so searching inside my heart, I decide to tell him a muted version of the truth.  I quickly decide how I am going to proceed and take a page right from one of my novels and begin to spin my tale. 

I lift my head and look right into the depths of his mind numbing eyes and answer, "I am in love and it is so profoundly deep that all I know to be real is Him.  My very being is devoted to him so completely that I cannot breath anymore and I am at a loss as to how to proceed with my life."  "Balin, wait, are you telling me you are gay?", and I nod my head in answer.  "No one else knows do they?", and again I nod my head.

He looks at me with a look I cannot quite decipher this time and says, "Are you to shy to approach this guy, your love interest?"  His eyes widen in understanding as I respond, " No it is not that for you see my love in unrequited.  Worse, my love has another love I could never compete with.  All I am trying to do is to deal with the reality of my situation so I am off for the weekend and will be back on Sunday evening."

I know he wanted to say more but I let my hand slip through his fingers and got myself packed and ready to go as I already knew my driver would be waiting for me outside.