Devotion (boyxboy)

Chapter 10

I have been holed up in this motel room now for about two or three days.  Keaton has called and left me text messages like an obsessed stalker but I honestly cannot blame him.  I don't have an answer on how to solve this problem.  I have been sitting here listening to all of his voice messages savoring the sound of his voice like the love struck teenager that I trully am.

I know I am a coward and I just do not care.  I cannot bare to see his face if he were to look upon me with pity.  All of his messages are pretty much the same.  Please Balin, please just talk to me.  We need to talk.  Balin, I...  There is nothing wrong.  You did nothing wrong.  Please just call me as I will forever wait for you to return to me.  Please!  The sound of anguish in his voice breaks my heart and soul so much.

I have shed so many tears.  The thought of removing Keaton from my life is unthinkable.  It causes my heart to skip a beat in agony.  The only good thing out of all of this misery is that it's done.  The novel is done and will be in my publisher's hands tomorrow and hopefully out there in time for the holiday release. 

I honestly believe that this may be my best work yet and I owe it all to Keaton.  I have spent most of this time searching my soul and I know that I cannot continue like this.  This lie in my life has stopped me from having my truest love and what it comes down to is one thing, TRUST.

Do I trust him enough with my secret, my heart, my soul.  What will become of us?  Can I trully lay it all out on the line for him.  I know he is worth it but again I am a coward.  I do know that once I have handed over my finished work, I will return and face Keaton once and for all.

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"Balin, my God.", my publisher sighs out as he is wiping the tears from his face.  "This is it.  This novel will be the pinnacle of your career and you are not yet eighteen years of age.  Balin, you have no clue how trully honored I am to have you as one of my authors.  Your talent is amazing and there is so much more you still have to do, to learn."

He gazes upon my face with fatherly affection.  "If you were to reveal yourself to the masses and masses of fans that follow you like a cult, the world would have to recognize that young people can aspire to do mind blowing things."  I replied, "I have been giving it considerable thought and if I were to let the world know who B. Dale trully is, the people closest to me in my life have to know first.  My parents, closest friends..." "And what of him?", he asks as he motions to my book.

I gaze down upon my folded hands laying in my lap and as the tears start to well up in my eyes I whisper, "He will be the first person I shall reveal myself too.  Unlike my novels, I am unable to control how the outcome of this act will be." Now my hands are wet from the tears that are now spilling uncontrollably from the fear of Keaton's rejection.

I notice a tissue being thrusted in my line of sight and grab it in order to wipe the evidence of my tears and I realize that my publisher in kneeling in front of me.  "Balin, you are one of the bravest souls I have ever met.  You took a great risk when you used your considerable talent to support yourself and even your family.  You give without ever asking anything in return and that is such a rare trait these days.  I see the man that you will one day become and I tell you this as not just your publisher but as a dear friend, if HE cannot already see all I see in you, he was never worthy of your heart."

He leans forward and wraps his arms around me and I fall apart completely.  In the end I realize that this is all I really needed.  A moment to just purge myself of all of these emotions and feelings and just simply be.  After about a half hour, he lets me go and returns to his desk.  "Better?", he asks with a smile.  "Yes, thank you so much!" "Balin you never have to thank me, I just want to make sure you are aware that I am here for you.  Now,  you will be leaving in a couple of days for the the holidays with your family and this goldmine of a story will be on the bookshelves inside of one week so prepare yourself because I believe that once your readers have gazed upon this masterpiece, they will finally demand your identity.", he says as he laughs.

After finishing up with my publisher, I came to a decision.  I am leaving tonight for home and I will notify my instructors of my change in plans.  Once the book releases and the holidays are over, I will finally face Keaton.  I need for him to read this newest piece of work.  I hope and pray that he trully sees it for what it is, my souls confession of what it has endured devoting itself to him with the knowledge of whether those feelings would ever be returned.  I love Keaton so completely that if he does reject me, it won't break my heart, it will shatter my very existence.