Kellic One-Shots

Eyelids

Dear Vic,

  I was confused about everything except you.
Of course, though, you weren't here. I guess I should've gotten used to it by now, but I was still adjusting to not waking up right next to you. It was almost as if my fear of being alone had come true within a matter of days.
 
  I can't say I blame you. I understood you wouldn't always be away, that it was just for a few months and then things would be normal again. But right now, I don't know what the definition of normal is anymore. I was so used to seeing your face smile back at mine as soon as I awakened, and now I'm greeted with the feeling of an empty bed while I sleep. It's not fair- to me, to you, to us. I hated the feeling of not knowing what was to come each morning. I felt guilty for sleeping through the moments we had together. My fear of loneliness has now switched to the sunrise, which I now watch from the window, alone, at the same time and place we would.
 
  It's almost like we've begun to reject the light of daytime, because daytime means departure and that word brings such a bitter taste to my mouth. I hate having to say good morning and goodbye at the same time. It's basically a hybrid word we've created. Those words bring such a dreadful feeling of longing and realization that you can't stay. Yet, it happens so often that I'm beginning to get accustomed to it. Either way, I don't want it to be time for you to go, and I don't think I ever will.
 
  There are nights when I miss you so much that I can't seem to find any form of warmth. Before, it was you, but the emptiness I feel brings a chill to my body that I can't seem to shake. Everything is cold, and even warm blankets and hot drinks can't reduce the frost. On those nights, I remain shivering and cold. I'll pretend you're there with me, and my heart aches from the distance between us.
 
  As the nights pass, I keep my eyes closed and picture you in my mind. I can feel you next to me, yet I don't dare look to see. I know I'm dreaming, and that as soon as my eyes are forced open it will be dark and you'll be gone. In the dark, I feel even more alone, and I can't seem to find even the slightest bit of you. Even though I try, it's like going through a maze of mirrors where all I can find no matter which direction I go is nothing but myself.
 
  My phone buzzes while I sleep also, and I wake up with voicemails from you. I smile and ache simultaneously as I hear you ramble on about how you go to sleep after me and still manage to wake up before me. You mentioned to call you when I wake up, but yet I can't seem to make myself do just that, because hearing your voice through a speaker rather than right by my side just makes everything all too real.
 
  I'm not ready to say goodbye, and I don't know if I ever will be. Your being brings me such a sense of comfort and joy that when I'm separated from you, I just feel like half of myself is separated also. So for now, while you're in another time zone, resting, I'll write this letter as my eyelids grow heavy. It's almost my turn to get to sleep too, but somehow I know I won't be able to tonight.

Love,
Kellin.

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HEY GUYS SO IM SOSOSO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN POSTING!!! I've had sOOOO much going on and I've been trying to write another one shot by itself but I have absolutely no inspiration for the rest of it. So, hopefully I can still get it out soon, but for now here's a VERY SHORT (sorry) little update for you all. I love you very much, thank you for continuing to read my stories regardless!
-Lyric