Things About Ben

Now That We're Back

I posted something on whisper about thinking about you, and your best friend's girl showed it to you. You knew it was me. You knew I still wanted you. You knew you could have me.

And so here we are, being "us" again.

You told me to call you mine, but not my "boyfriend". I let that slide because I love you and I'll have you any way that I can get you.

Then you told me you liked girls better when they weren't wearing lipstick. So I stopped wearing lipstick for you. Do you know how important that is? I wouldn't stop wearing lipstick for any other guy in the past, but I didn't even think about saying no to you. I love lipstick, putting it on is my favorite part of the day. And yet, when you said stop, I did.

You held my hand in math. You kissed me in your car.
And now what?
I sit next to you at breakfast, and you keep your hand as far away from me as possible.
I tell you I missed you, and you say "goodnight".
I'm a little bit slower leaving the table, and you speed away without even looking back.
I sit depressed as I watch you go, only to hear Gerard say "he doesn't like you, you're just meat to him."

And he's right. And I know that. And I always have. And yet, I keep foolishly believing that maybe he's wrong and that maybe I'm wrong. That maybe you're just really bad at showing affection.

To quote Christina Perri
"I know exactly what you'll do, I made damn sure I studied you. You won't pick me, I am just a breeze underneath your wings. So I pray each night you'll change your mind. And maybe I am worth the fight, but I am wrong every time."
Long quote from her song Butterfly, but it fits. It fits so well.