I'm just going to update, probably every 2-4 days unless something comes up.
~
April 12, 2016
I layer awake for an hour waiting for my alarm to go off. I give up,
heading down stairs I realize my dad is sleeping on the couch this
time. I snuck out of the house, having to slowly lock the door. I
walked, and waited.
Before I knew it I was sitting in the auditorium. I quietly joked
around with a couple of people. I had sadness hanging heavy in my
heart, but I still kept on forcing a smile. I went through the first
three periods. I began recording during third. My mom friend is not
here.
There goes my comfort. My stomach hurts. I haven't really eaten
anything ever since two days ago. I would try sometimes, with tiny
amounts, but I'd end up letting it all out again. Aside from my
stomach pain, the stinging in my eyes, the aching in my joints, I was
perfectly fine. No signs of depression here. At least not yet.
I continue to record how I feel each period. The depression slowly
creeping into the depths of my being. I let out a sigh as I shuffle to
my next class. Ew. Social studies. Always hated that class. My teacher
always calls me out when I'm doing nothing wrong. She makes us copy
notes, but my mind wanders into cold, bitter memories.
'Trust me' my mother places her hand on my face, 'he will come back,
he won't leave us.' My seven year old self was in. The verge of
crying. My dad had been gone for two weeks, saying he needed space. I
ended up being lost in thought during one of the lessons. I only
realized where I was when my teacher put up a second video.
I kinda went on auto mode half way through class and gave up on
listening. Another period passed. Math. Then another. Lunch. And
another. Science. Enrichment. Finally, I had English. Something I
somewhat enjoy. I had someone I know there, we would cast glances at
each other. This cheered me up slightly. Happy glances, shocked
glances, flirtatious glances, and our signature 'this is weird'
glances.
I laughed slightly as I thought about what we were doing. 'My
friends are worrying' I thought. I deeply didn't want them to get
involved in my problems, but i had no one else to turn too.
YOU ARE READING
Am I Even Here?
Non-FictionOne day, there was a tiny dream. - The tiny dream wanted to grow and be noticed, but it was far to small. Without the support of others, her heart grew dark. 'What am I doing wrong?' She thought as tears pooled out of her eyes. 'Am I being too weak...
