One Direction One Shots

I Bid You Farewell (Larry Stylinson One Shot)

Warning: Angsty :(

I've always been told that we mustn’t blame the weapon for the actions it has caused, but the wielder of the said weapon. But what happens when the attacker is the victim himself?

"Inanimate objects are harmless indeed, but one cannot say the same for the men who use them." **

What does that say about me? Am I evil? Have I done wrong?

Am I a mistake?

Harry, Harry, Harry

It's been days since I've last seen you laugh, months since I've last spoken to you, years since I've last held you in my arms. It's been so long, Harry, since I was able to call you mine. And it hurts all the same. It is as painful as a physical gash to my heart, and as memorable as if the wound had been inflicted just yesterday. I still remember your eyes, a startling color of green; the way they crinkle when you smiled or laughed at something, and how they sparkled whenever you sang on top of the stage. I remember all of the stolen kisses we shared, the holding of hands, the running into the night. The promise of an 'I do'. We were so devastatingly in love with each other, and like the teenagers we were, we thought it would never end. But like everything else in this world, it was destined to end.

Love has always been destined to end. It has always been either divorce or death.

And yet I find myself in all this time, still hopelessly staying in love with you. In all this time, it was never over for me.

Your smile haunts me in my dreams, our words unsaid and promises unspoken continue to echo in my ears. No matter how hard I tried, I could never stop thinking about you. Because once upon a time, you were all that ever mattered to me.

I still cry out for you in the middle of the night, calling out for you to forgive me. I still keep all your things in my bedroom as they were, as if you had never left. I haven't stopped looking around the room for you, expecting you to laugh at my jokes and finding that you aren't here to share them.

In all these years, I've failed to see the light in anything anymore. What was the point of being happy when I couldn't be happy without you?

Yet, amongst all this sadness and grief, I still dream.

I yearn for the quiet nights when I can sleep beside you. I wish for the bright mornings when I can wake up and see your smiling face. I hope for the day when I will be able to say I love you without having to think about the consequences. No one would even bat an eye because whatever our love is, it was-- is; it is true. But most of all, I dream for the time, for our children and grandchildren and great-great grandchildren, to be able to say I love you despite what society says. You are a man and so am I, but our love shines bright. Do not think less of me, for I left you alone that night. Because for what reason I left that night, it was for you and our future. Someday, you’ll find someone else. And you’ll never have to be afraid again.

Although I do not regret my decision, I have always wished there had been another choice. I always wished that maybe, I didn't-- wouldn't need to leave you alone that night on the eve of our wedding day. You were so excited, but I was paralyzed with fear. I left you waiting at the altar, your smile wavering slightly as the time slowly ticked away. No one approved of it, our love, but we did not listen. And in the end, it only hurt the both of us. My selfishness for happiness was never worth the pain it brought to you. Nothing ever is.

So now I am left with questions, constantly wondering 'what if' and 'maybe'.

And it has driven me insane.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, and sometimes I can't even breathe. I always imagined heartbreak to be a constant pain, like a thousand demons constantly clawing at my chest and sewing it back together, just so they can tear it again later. But really, all I felt was numb. 

I could see you suffering from where I stand. We are so close yet so far. You have been ignoring me, and I understand. It is my penance, and it will also keep you safe. You are here, but at the same time, you are not. You do not speak unless spoken to, and you do not see people as though as they are there, but you look through them. Even though time has changed us, I still notice every little thing about you Harry. You are so beautiful; it hurts.

And that is why; you must forgive me, Harry, for what I am about to do. I had hoped that you would cut me off from your life, but it is frustratingly clear that you are still attached to me. And I cannot let this continue.

Please forgive me, for I am selfish and I am a coward.

All I wanted was to be happy, and to achieve that, you must be happy as well. And it seems that, my being here hinders you from becoming happy. I now see what I must do.

Life is a funny thing, Harry. To be able to share it with you, even for this short time, is a blessing. Not a very good one, but we must appreciate everything we have, for what we had was beautiful, and you are beautiful. Please, never forget what we had. It was our little love story, and sadly, I'll have to leave because like all stories, there has to be a few sacrifices. Our story just isn't a book that could be torn apart and rewritten. It is our truth.

And lastly, before I bid my farewell, there is one last thing I wish.

Be happy for me, Harold, and I will rest in peace. Find someone better, someone worth your time. Someone who won't make people stare. Society could not accept the love we had with each other. They could not take the beauty of it all. People cannot accept love as unconditional and undiscriminating for they do not look at it like how it is supposed to be looked at. From all my time here on earth, however short, I know that it is okay to love someone, as long as you know that they deserve the love you are giving them. You have deserved mine. So please allow me to be selfish once more, for I have little time left. Be happy. The drugs I have taken have already started to take effect.

You were and are my everything, my better half. I would give up myself for you to live on. Maybe someday, we will cross paths once more, and maybe then, we'll finally be able to be happy, together this time.

And maybe then, I'll be able to say my 'I do' to you.

I bid you farewell,

Louis W. Tomlinson

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Quick note: Quote belongs to Cassandra Clare at the top of the story. I was really inspired today so I wrote a quick little thing, which I had to take off my chest. I really hope that someday, everyone will understand the beauty of love, that it has no true identity, and that it is available to everyone and to everything.