Beautiful Tragedies

[40] Ruined

[40] Ruined

Fate has its own way of reminding me that things were little too good in my life. I've been reminded many times already.

Ilang gabi pa ako nanatili sa hospital. Kuya Prism was still there. Paminsan-minsan ay umuuwi para kumuha ng damit. Mula sa sa pagkaka-upo ko sa mga bangko doon ay pinagmasdan ko siya. Ang pabalik-balik niyang pag-lakad na tila ba hindi mapakali. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pa ako nandito.

Sa malaking glass window ay tanaw ang makulimlim na langit. The moon was radiating silvery lit enveloping the place with its light. The leaves chattering as the sudden lone gust of wind swirl around. Payapa. Isang pakiramdam na kaiba at malayo sa akin.

Halos araw-araw ko inaantay ang doctor patungkol sa medikasyon ni Tiffany. Pabalik-balik ang tingin ko sa pinto ng kanyang kwarto tuwing may lalabas at papasok. Kaya naman noong lumapit ang doctor kay Kuya sa sumunod pang araw ay agad akong napatayo.

"Doc how is she?" he said with a sudden glint of exhaustion and haziness in his voice. He was tired and so was I.

"She's still unconscious. Sa mga sumunod na oras ay baka magising na siya. Her heart beat is becoming normal, same through with her breathing na nagiging stable na"

Patuloy ako sa pakinig. Gusto kong lumapit pero nanatili ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

"What about the baby?"

Natigilan ako. I felt a pang on my chest. Like a silent warning of emotional instability.

"The baby is saved"

And the cruel reality destroyed me once more.

Nag-pasalamat ulit si Kuya sa Doctor at muling umupo sa bench na inuupuan ko. He seems so fine now. Nakaka-hinga na ng maayos. Kaiba nang unang araw na para bang laging may kumukurot. Good thing, he managed to be alright. Samantalang ito lamang ako sa harap niya at paulit-ulit na winawasak. And it looks like; he couldn't care quite less about it.

Wala na ba talaga akong halaga sa kanya?

"Kuya..." I called him. Tumingin siya sa akin—with those pair of eyes as if to dig holes into souls. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko ito sasabihin, but I think I deserved it.

"You owe me an explanation" nagawa kong sabihin. I am entitled to know the reason why. Gusto kong malaman. Bakit naging ganito? Anong nangyari? Kung kailan? Kung sa anong dahilan?

I know I should have buried what had been fucked up for the rest of my life. I should have moved on and accept that things won't work for me the way I wanted to. But then, even if do so, I know it will still haunt me. Not when until everything become clear.

Nanatili ang tingin niya sa akin.

"And if I explained to you... would that make you feel better?" he asked back. "Do you want to get hurt by the truth again, Cube?"