˜"*°•.˜"*°• She asked me if I was happy . . . I didn't know what to say . So I replied truthfully . " What is happiness to you ? "
"What does it mean to be happy ? Because if it means feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life. Then I don't think I know what true happiness is . . . "
"Don't get me wrong I've smiled , I've laughed but that was awhile back . . . I think I was happy once . But now I just don't know . "
She asked me what do I mean ? "I mean . I don't remember when I truly felt happy . I don't remember when I felt it & meant it ."
"Meant the smile , meant the laugh & didn't force it . Now I have to wake up & pretend that everything is fine . Paint on my fake smile & my fake laugh . . . As if the things the day before didn't fuck me up ."
"As if my life is a dumb fucking fairy tale. With little birds flying about singing their little song . . . Pretend as if I truly am okay . Pretend like I'm not shattering inside . "
She tells me to go on . . . " I just don't know anymore . I might not have scars on my hands or body but I have scars mentally . People tell me I'm perfect & beautiful but I just don't see it . How can someone so emotionally fucked up be perfect ?
" How can someone as messed up as me be beautiful ? I just don't understand . Maybe it's because they fell in love with the fake image I put up . They don't know the real me . " •°*"˜.•°*"˜
YOU ARE READING
Pale Soul Sea (#Wattys2018)
PoetryHe would chip away at my cold exterior dodging shards of ice until I was no longer hard, but even though he cracked through the surface. . . My heart would not melt.
