Graceful Departure// Harry Styles Fan Fiction

Chapter Twelve

I took Grace upstairs to her bedroom and got out a soft orange monkey. Grace giggled as I began to make the monkey dance to the songs I sang to her. 

I’m a little tea cup, short and stout. Here is my handle…

Jennifer walked into the bedroom still wearing her dress from the funeral and sat down on the opposite side of the room and watched me play with Grace. At first she was pouting at us, but her frown soon turned into a smile as Grace began giggling and laughing again. Within no time Jennifer was down on her hands and knee’s playing ball with us. 

“Hey.” She said as she took a seat next to me after she’d put Grace back in her cot. “I shouldn’t have just jumped on your like that.” She said keeping her eyes on Grace.

“It’s fine. You were upset. I get it.” I replied, busying my hands with my tie.

“No, you don’t. I didn’t just do it because I’m upset Harry. I still love you.” I looked up from Grace and met her eyes. “I know you have no reason to, but you need to trust me. I’m here for Grace, always, but I’m here for you too.” I smiled at her and walked out of the room trying my best not to break down and cry again.

I still loved her but I needed time to think. I ran home and got changed from my suit into jeans and a grey hoody thinking of Jennifer the whole time. Standing by the mirror I looked at myself knowing that I needed Jennifer. I threw myself down the stairs and over the fence, sprinting back into the house again. 

When I got in I saw a light yellow envelope on the stairs with ‘HARRY’ in big letters on the front of it. My stomach dropped.

I’d gone for a long work out after crying on Louis’ shoulder when I had seen Niall and Jennifer together at my house. It was like a kick in the gut seeing them all over each other. My muscles were torn from all the weights I’d lifted and my feet ached from the sheer distance I’d run. I slumped down on my bed hearing Jennifer laughing downstairs in the front room as they watched a film when something caught my eye. Sitting on my chest of draws was a small yellow envelope with the word ‘Harry’ written on the front of it.

I picked it up and quickly opened it. 

Harry, 

How can I even begin to explain how this happened? I know you deserve more than a letter but this is all I can give you. I loved you, but we don’t have anything we can give to each other but insults. I can’t deal with a relationship like ours, not knowing where we stand with each other all the time.

I’m sorry, but I love him.

Jennifer.

‘loved’ She ‘loved’ me. I screwed the letter up and threw it in the bin trying my best to block out her laughter. She had probably written the letter with Niall, they were probably both laughing at him now. I grabbed a piece of paper from one of the draws and began furiously writing a letter back to her.

This time I picked the envelope up and took it to the bedroom to see that Grace was still asleep.

“Hey beautiful. Let’s see what Auntie Jen had to say this time.” I sighed, leaning over the cot and letting Grace’s hand slip around my finger like it usually did. With my other hand I opened up the envelope to see the letter she had written and read it out loud for Grace to hear.

Harry,

Here we are again, back to pen and paper to let each other know how we really feel. Only this time I feel words aren’t enough.

Ever since you have left my side there hasn’t been a single moment passed when I have not thought about you. I know you have issues with me and I am apologising to you for the millionth time for what has happened. I have now realised that I can’t think of a life without you. No matter how much I try, I cannot run away from your memories. Just as the earth awaits a rain after a long summer day, I wish for you in my life in the evenings. It would be easier for you to forget all about those moments we have shared, but do you remember our kisses? 

I wake up every morning with the hope to find you by my side, smiling down at me. I still relish the warmth of your hugs. I still wish that I will find protection in your embraces. My lips still smile when they remember your touches upon them. How do you not understand how much I miss you?

Beneath the clear blue sky I can only see the love floating and my memories rush back to whenever I hear laughter. When I was with you I thought that the world belongs to us only. But that you are not with me the earth has stopped spinning. My life has remained on the day when you have left me with a promise never to return. Tell me love, have you not loved me ever? 

I still live in the moments when we were together, when you used to look in my eyes with such warmth. I have always loved you and I always will do but I can’t be here knowing that you don’t feel the same way.

I wish you and Grace all the best, 

Jennifer.

I took a long, deep breath and looked at Grace who was still asleep in her cot, fingers still wrapped around mine. ”Looks like it’s just us beautiful.” I whispered careful not to wake her. The door opened a little. I stood up and took a few steps towards the door. “Jennifer?” 

The door fully opened and Johanna walked in holding the baby monitor. “I’m sorry..” She said, looking a little embarrassed. “I don’t think she’s coming back.” She said quietly. I nodded and sat down on the bed.

“I don’t think she is either.” Johanna closed the door after her and went back down stairs, leaving the baby monitor in the bedroom. I got my wallet out of my back pocket and pulled out a small yellow envelope. I pulled out a photo from the envelope, a picture of Jennifer and I when we were happy at Louis and Samantha’s wedding. We were standing next to them holding each others hands. Jennifer was looking at the camera smiling brightly and I was looking at Jennifer, still not believing how beautiful she looked in her bridesmaids dress. I then pulled out a letter and began to read it. 

Harry, 

How can I even begin to explain how this happened? I know you deserve more than a letter but this is all I can give you…