I haven't been able to sit still, since it happened. After Phil and I kissed, we went back to the uni to grab my things and then he dropped me off at my house. Throughout the entire journey I was a giggly mess; it was as if I was on a cloud, I felt all fluffy inside. Everything that he said I responded with a stupid little laugh, then I'd get embarrassed and start blushing. It wasn't exactly awkward because my embarrassment was taken over by infatuation and emotion.
Once we got to my house I said goodbye to Phil and winked, not really sure if I should have or not. He looks down with a grin on his face, and his cheeks are slightly red. He bites his lip and then gets inside the car again giving me a tingly feeling. Once I knock on the door, my moods drops slightly as I realise I won't be able to see Phil until Monday. The door opens and I'm greeted with something I wasn't expecting; a smile. My mother, stands at the door dressed in her own clothes rather than a stiff suit. Her fiery red hair tumbles just past her shoulders, and the sparkle in her eyes that I used to see when I was younger is back. She looks happy.
"Daniel!" She says and pulls me into a hug, snapping me out of my thoughts. I hug her back and feel her holding me tighter than she usually would. Something's not quite right but I haven't seen her like this in years so I don't question it too much. We pull apart and she gesture for me to follow her inside. "Is that a new shirt? It looks nice," She say and I look down. I follow her into the kitchen and sit in one of the dining table chairs. "So tell me everything!" She says putting the kettle on and getting two mugs out. "Uhh well," I say looking at my hands. "Not much has happened, I mean it's the usual really. Classes, classes, classes," I say and she comes over and sits next to me. She seems genuinely interested and I appreciate her curiosity but it's a little hard to get used to. "Umm, I've actually made a few friends," I say and she perks up.
"Oh, that's good! So who are these mystery friends?" she says with much enthusiasm. I think about where to start. "Umm well, there PJ, he's really cool," I say trying to describe him as best as I could but realize it's a lot harder to conform someone who doesn't conform, into words. "We met in cl.." I say but stop myself, resisting telling her about about my art class in fear she'll ring the university. "We met on the school field," I continue and luckily it doesn't seem like she noticed that I changed my story. "And then there's Chris, who is hilarious!" I say smiling, remembering a joke he told us the other day. "And then there's.." I begin but am interrupted by the kettle.
"I'll be right back dear," She says and continues the teas. My palms begin to sweat. Do I tell her about Phil? More importantly, what is there to tell her about Phil? Are we still friends, or are we more? He did say not to talk about the kiss so did it not mean anything? It's not like we were drunk and he was the one who kissed me. And he wouldn't kiss me if he didn't want to, so what should I do? My mother comes back before I can work myself up anymore than I already have. She walks in with two mugs one with dainty purple flowers, spiraling around the curve, and the other with a picture of Winnie The Pooh on. I can tell which ones mine just by the mug; ever since I was little I've had the unfortunate comparison to Winnie The Pooh, but I've never seen that mug before. "Sorry love, you were say," She says and sits down again.
"I made friends with a guy called Phil.. and umm, he's great," I say not really knowing how to describe my first actual crush. And how do I tell her that, I mean she doesn't even know I'm gay, neither does my dad! "Just great?" She asks and I just reply with a smile and a nod. "Listen.. I know I'm not the most fun person to be around, so you do something other than talk to me," She says placing a hand on mine. "I'm just glad you're here. Your company is more than enough. I'm going to start dinner," she says and heads back into the kitchen. Wow, is this the same mother that put off coming home from work? The same mother I hardly saw for the past maybe 8 years?
