Climbing the Walls (a Niall Horan love story)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11






*Haley's P.O.V.*

I still don't think I had fully wrapped my head around it. I mean, how would you handle being Niall James Horan's girlfriend? We must've spent hours in the meadow, because as I lay beside him, we watched the sky gradually gradient from the light blue color of Niall's eyes to various shades of gold, pink, and purple. Sunset was always one of my favorite times of the day. I sighed, appreciating the beautiful scene. It looked like someone had spilled water colors all over a blank piece of paper. "It's so beautiful," I sighed, still clinging to my prince. He had one arm around me and the other was holding mine.

"No sunset could ever compare to your beauty," Niall's sexy, husky voice whispered in my ear. Even though I knew it wasn't true, it still made me smile.

"It's going to suck when I wake up," I said. He gave me a confused look, and I giggled slightly at his adorableness. "Well, this all has to be a dream," I stated. "Life can't actually be this good."

"Well, when you wake up, don't wake me. I'm enjoying this dream quite a lot," he responded, making my mind wander to strange places.

"What if your whole life was just a dream," I wondered out loud, staring at the sky, "and you woke up as a completely different person? What if this sunset is nothing but an illusion? What if you and I are just figments of someone else's imagination?" As the words fell out of my mouth, I realized how insane I sounded.

"I like the way you think," he replied. I was relieved he didn't think I was a psychopath. But then again, there was a chance my life was just a dream of somebody else. "Your mind really intrigues me, you know." I couldn't help but compare this day to Twilight. But ignoring that, I went on.

"But really, don't you ever wonder why time flies, and then other times drags on? Why memories can seem so distant, yet so close? It's just like dreams. Everything's changing so quickly, it's like you can't even grasp it sometimes." That's how I've felt ever since my parents' death. Everything just happened so quickly, like my life was flashing like a speeding car with no intention of slowing down.

"I know what you mean," he agreed. "All this fame still shocks me. I feel like I'm going to wake up one day, and the whole X-Factor, One Direction thing never happened. Like I just dreamt up the best mates and girlfriend that I could wish for, and that's why I'm so blessed," he said. I processed his words, glad I wasn't as insane as I thought. "But I don't really like to think that way, I'm so grateful that you and the lads aren't just fictional characters that I dreamt up in my sleep. As hard as it is to believe, I'm actually holding the most perfect, angelic creature to ever walk the earth in my arms."

His compliments made me blush and roll my eyes. Could he actually mean those things? I hated to think that he was just stringing together words that sounded nice like Chase did... But no, I wouldn't think about that. I was hoping now, forgetting the past. How can you leave the past behind, when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart? It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out, 'til you're torn apart. Lyrics from Rent flowed through my mind, but I tried to push them away. I remembered that I was in the arms of the boy I had decided to trust. That was a big thing for me, so there must be something special about him. I wasn't scarred when I fell for Chase. I was eager to jump into love, desperate even. No, Niall was not like Chase. Niall was different. Niall was special.

"Oh, hush," I mumbled, smiling as I buried my head into his chest. The moon was rising and the sky was turning an indigo color, now looking like ink had been spilled instead of watercolor paints.

"It's so true. And I will continue to shower you with truthful compliments until you finally realize how spectacular you are." I smiled, but before I could protest I was hit by a chilly breeze. I shivered and Niall held me tighter. "Are you cold?" he asked, heat emanating off of his body.

"Well yeah, kind of, it's cold. How are you so warm?" I asked, confused. It had gotten so flipping cold! Well, I did seem to get colder more easily than some people...

"Well, fat insulates heat, so I guess you're just a whole lot skinnier than me," he answered with a loving smile. Now that I would not believe.

"Sure," I retorted sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "I don't get that a lot..." I whispered, more to myself. I wasn't sure if Niall was supposed to hear it or not, but either way he had.

"What do you mean?" he questioned, bewildered. Horrible, painful flashbacks of Chases constant harassment flooded into my mind like a cold black river, the current sweeping me away from my weak grip on hope. On happiness. Why did he have to ruin my life? He had no right to still be haunting me, no right to make me do the things I did. I've gotten better, but I swore to myself to never remember the Dark Days. "Haley, please don't cry," Niall pleaded, wrapping me up in his arms. It was only then that I realized I was choking on sobs. "What's wrong love? You can tell me, I want to make it better." The sincerity in his voice just made me cry more, and my heart ache harder. I couldn't tell him. I hadn't even told Louis this part of the story... I didn't need anyone worrying about me. Besides, I didn't know how he'd respond. I was scared... Of what I'm not exactly positive, but I was just terrified. I couldn't tell Niall, and it broke my heart to not tell him the truth, not let him know what was wrong. But he didn't need to know. Not yet at least.

"Nothing," I assured him, trying to sound strong. But it was no use. He was still holding me tightly, but he backed up a bit, cupping my face in his hands and holding it very close to his. His eyes were full of melancholy, and it looked as though tears were brimming on them as well as mine. And when you cry, I cry. The memory of his voice speaking those words just made my heart break even further. Then I won't cry. I had broken my promise. He looked me dead in the eyes.

"Haley, you would not cry this hard over nothing." I sighed. I knew he was just concerned and wanted me to be happy, which made it so much harder to deny him the truth. I looked down and caught my breath, collecting myself. I explained to him everything I had told Louis. The whole time I couldn't look him in the eyes. How could I? My vision was blurred anyway, so I just buried my face into his shoulder as he rocked me back and forth, rubbing my back. Despite his comforting, I felt his body go rigid with anger. Was he angry at me, or Chase? His body was also shaking, and I wanted to stab myself for making him cry. "Haley, you don't deserve any of that. No girl does, but especially not you. I will personally murder that asshole if I ever meet him. Please, please believe that I will never do anything to hurt you. I solemnly swear," he promised, his words shaking with anger and remorse. "Ever. You mean the world to me." I nodded.

"I know," I whispered. "Thank you." He rubbed my back, and I was tempted to just leave it there, let him know as much as Louis did. But I felt inclined to tell him the worst part of my dirty little secret. I'm not sure why, but I felt as though he needed to know. Horrified of how he would perceive me after, I hesitantly continued. "Th-that's n-not all," I stuttered through my sobs, clenching his shirt in my hands and trying to control myself.

"The sick bastard did more?" Niall asked in disgust.

"Well, no..." I said regretfully. "I did this to myself." He immediately checked both of my wrists, which were clean of scars. "No, no, I've never cut," I assured him. He sighed a breath of relief and let my wrists go. "There's no proof of it..." I started. Puking doesn't leave scars.

"Proof of what?" Niall asked tensely, yet concerned. I closed my eyes and breathed in short quick breaths. This was it. For the first time, I was about to admit my nasty little habit to someone. This was what I had feared yet needed for the past two years.

"After Chase broke up with me, h-he didn't just leave me alone..." My voice shook with fear of the memory. "He k-kept harassing me for the next year. Telling me how fat and ugly I was, how stupid and useless I was. I couldn't look in a mirror without feeling ashamed of myself," I admitted, eyes still squeezed shut. "One day, his remarks were really getting to me. I-I just lost it..." I said, practically breathing the words out at this point, shaking my head in disappointment. "I... I made myself throw up," I whispered as the sobs returned.

"Haley..." Niall said sadly, engulfing me in a huge embrace. Now I've done it. He was probably disgusted by me, or at least disappointed. I know I was. I couldn't even control myself anymore.

"I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed between sobs. "I d-don't anymore, I p-promise." I could barely catch my breath. Do you know what it's like to cry your eyes out, to not even be in control of your breathing, your heart, the violent shaking of your body? It's like you lose any grip you've ever had on your self-control and all you can do is give into the pain and cry your heart out.

"I know," he soothed, "I know. And please, never do again. I'm so sorry you ever had to resort to that. But thing is, you never had to. That Chase kid is going to die, I will find him. I hate guys like that, who think they're so cool for being douche bags. I'd rather be a boy and play with paper airplanes than be a 'man' and play with a woman's heart." His words were full of anger and resentment towards Chase, and complete and utter depression and sympathy for me.

"And that's why I'm the luckiest girl in the universe." I tested out a smile, attempting to lighten the mood once I had control of myself once again. I sniffled and he wiped away my tears with his thumb, smiling sadly just as I had done to him earlier.

"Well I guess that makes me the luckiest guy," he responded, making me genuinely smiled.

"Oh yeah, how lucky are you to be dating this mess?" I retorted sarcastically, gesturing to myself. He leaned in, and I was half-expecting him to kiss my lips, but instead he just kissed my forehead. He let his lips linger there for a second however, making and electric jolt shoot through my body. Sparks. My smile widened, and for the first time since I started, I finally felt relieved. All I had been waiting to get out of my system was out. The boys were literally my saviors, and I was fully aware that no one in the world was as lucky as me.

"Must be the luck of the Irish," he winked. I giggled breathily, and I think that was when we both noticed how dark it was getting. "I'd better be getting you home young lady," he said with a smile, which I returned. Again, he slung me on his back and I tried not to suffocate him as I clung onto him with my arms wrapped precariously around his neck.

"Niall?" I said after a few moments of silence, only the sound of Niall's footsteps crunching against the earth's surface audible.

"Yes, love?" he answered.

"Can we please not tell anyone about this? You're the only one I've ever told, not even Harry or Louis know," I pleaded, not wanting anyone else to know about my scarring past. I was disgusted with myself, and so painfully ashamed. I can't believe it took me a year and a half to stop.

"Of course," he promised earnestly. I sighed in relief, and relaxed as I rested my chin on the top of his head.

"Thank you. And thank you for not leaving me because of it," I added sadly.

"I would never leave you, especially after hearing something like that," he stated, "and hey, for better or for worse, right?" I smiled.

"Oh so were married now?" I teased playfully.

"Not yet," he replied with a wink. I giggled and squeezed him tightly, not caring if I cut off his air supply momentarily. He made choking noises and I laughed, but let go and apologized. "It's fine," he assured me, "I know you meant well. It was a murder attempt of affection..." he muttered, making me giggle and apologize again. I rested my head on his again and closed my eyes. I was so blissfully relieved. I only prayed he would keep all of the promises he made.






A/N***

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same routine ;)
Love you :D

stay beautiful,
Z.