Deception

Chapter 13: Bipolar

  

"She looked like you." He whispers, choking on his laugh. I smile at him and take a seat on the damp grass, ignoring the soaking of my jeans. Harry slowly sits next to me, giving me a bit of space.

"She was, I don't know, she was something." He says, looking down at the grass and pulling out a weed. I observe his facial expression, wanting to say something, to tell him that I know. I know what it feels like to lose someone...but I cant.

"I had been dating her for a couple months, nothing too serious. After a couple weeks of her acting...odd, she told me that she had Lymphoma. She had hidden from me the fact that she had fainted in the past month over five times. When she finally went to the doctor, it was more serious than she thought."

Oh my gosh.

"She dropped out of Marson immediately. I was close with Liam and...well Niall. They helped me through it but I was just, so upset with her. I couldn't believe that she hadn't told me she hadn't been feeling well. To this day, I think of all of the things that the one month of time could have done for her. It could have saved her." He whispers. My eyes are watering, just imagining his pain as we sit next to her, to Julia. Buried under the ground.

"I was so upset that a couple days after she was admitted into the hospital, I...I freaked out." He breathes, closing his eyes. He doesn't speak for a moment and I want to help him, to tell him he doesn't have to continue.

But my curiosity gets to me first. "How so?" I whisper, placing myhand on top of his, giving it a slight squeeze of encouragement.

"I hit her."

I take my hand away from his and hold it in my lap to keep it from shaking. I suddenly feel too exposed and slightly mercurial. My mind wants me to back away and abscond but my heart is weighing it down.

"She was screaming at me, telling me she didn't want me to worry about her and I just got so mad. It was my job to worry about her and she didn't even give me the damn chance! So yes, I just couldn't stand her screaming and the sight of her fragile bones and I just... I just backhanded her." He whispers in horror.

I would have expected myself to be running right now. The thought of Harry hitting Julia reminds me of what it felt like to be slapped and strangled. A bolt of electricity shocks my spine and I shiver.

"That was the last day I ever spoke to her." He says, wiping his nose.

"Harry..."

"Oh, no it gets better." Harry laughs pathetically.

"Nearly only a month later, Liam tells me that Niall has been visiting her a lot. Julia was never friends with Niall before dating me so I went to check and sure as hell, it was exactly what I didn't want to see. Security removed me from her room faster than she could scream "Asshole." Niall was what she really wanted in a guy anyway." He shrugs, as if he is trying to hide that it actually still bothers him.

"Niall tried to apologize but I was so angry with him. He knew I loved her. I had gone everyday and sat leaning against her door, begging for just a chance to apologize. But as I sat there, taking no initiative at all, she was only getting weaker. Then after a few months I stopped, picked a couple fights with Niall, started drinking again and later received a call in December from her mom. She died in her sleep."

I don't know what to say. There is too much to say. My mind is overwhelmed.

"It wasn't your fault."