\falling\

14.

jokes.

these jokes really get to me. questions, assumptions and hope enters my mind. they really mess me up.

"i love you." you say, as a friend. it doesn't help that it's on a daily basis. it's like a constant reminder that you will not say those three words as a lover, when you mean it. that is, if you will ever mean it.

i ride on the wave, i go along with the joke. but you don't know that those words are really what i feel inside. sincere. sometimes, i think that it's okay because at least i can say "love" back to you, without you really knowing that it's serious. it's a sad but good excuse.

i just hope that someday, when i'm holding your hand or hugging you back or when we're looking at the sunset together, i can proclaim my love for you. no joke this time. not afraid to let you see my eyes that hold my adoration for you. not afraid to reveal my craving of you.

i wish someday, you can take me seriously.
i wish someday, i can overcome my fear.

april 6, 2016