Romalda walked towards me after lessons had ended. It had been such a hectic two days. I'd fallen in love with three boys - a British guy, a guy that had an unhealthy attachment to weaves and a guy that insisted I iron his stripey shirts.
"What's up Romalda?" I asked, noticing her butch arms were holding a black bin bag. The bin bag seemed to be moving.
"Nothing, just wondering if I could borrow king targaryan mother teresa dragon king's cave after school?"
"Actually, king rapes a lot has a lair. Harry has a cave. Would you like to use the harry cave?"
"Ew, no, I don't want a hairy cave, a regular one will do"
"No not a hairy cave. I'm not talking about an unwaxed vagina or something. I mean Harry's cave"
"Oh, right, yeah, that'll do"
"What do you need it for?" I asked, before being cut off by a strange, muffled sound coming from the black bin bag. "I don't mean to be crude, Romalda, but is there a man stuffed inside your bin bag?" I asked. Romalda smiled sheepishly, flexing her overly muscular arm pits. (BECCA'S NOTE (lol get it like authors note but with becca insteaad ccause i AM theauthor lol) anyway here's the becca'snote - tryna go for a noncliche story here guys so i'm making this girl seem really masculine lol
"Yeah... see he tried to kidnap me, but I felt like that would be really cliche - the guy kidnapping the girl - so I ended up kidnapping the kidnapper when he tried to kidnap me..." Romalda explained. I narrowed my eyes at her non-cliche ways.
"You don't belong in this book, Romalda" I muttered slowly, causing her to back away.
*
"Bonquisha, have you thought about what you're going to do to win back king rapes a lot's love?" Shaniqua asked me, as she aggressively masticated (WOAH DERR BIGWORDS LOL TOTES GOOGLED THAT) her chicken. I felt sad, thinking about when Obamanisha told me that she'd had sex with King rapes a lot. I still didn't understand why the bad boy player would ever cheat on me.
"No, I don't know yet" i sighed. "I mean maybe if i was hotter, he'd love me."
"Oh my god, I like totally have a great idea!" Crystal Chandelier interjected. She was eatinglunch with us, because even though we all hated her, she was sitll our friend. not that we weere bitchy backstabbers or anything.
"What?" I asked
"MAKEOVERRRR!!!" she squealed, before pulling me into a make-up room. apparently schools have those.
After about 6 hours, I was finally ready. because just like every other makeover in every other book, it really takes 6 horus to put make-up on a girl. I looked in the mirror and gasped. FINALLY. I WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean even though i always preached about natural beauty, i only believed i was beautiful when i looked like a baby prostitute.
"Now all i have to do is find king rapes a lot!" i told them, feeling like a disney princess as ii sang my way out of the makeup room, down the school halls and out into the beautiful, magnificent, blissful, exccentric, lively, joyful, jovial, mangnanomous sun.
"Where's harry? i want him to take me to see king rapes a lot. because i'm so codependant that i can't survive even one minute in this story without a love interest helping me.
"oh he was taken" random extra number 1 told me.
"where?"
"i dunno, some creepy fangirl came out of nowhere, put a sack over his head and dragged him off"
YOU ARE READING
Worst One Direction Fanfic On Wattpad!
HumorPARODY OF 1D FANFICS. This book parodies typical fanfics written about Harry's dimples, Zayn's hair, Liam's... well i don't know anything about liam, that gay one's... erm... wait, what's he famous for? .... well he wears stripes, i know that. oh an...
