Worst One Direction Fanfic On Wattpad!

The obligatory Harry Styles fangirl

SPIN OFF STARTS AFTER THE FOLLOWING THREE PARAGRAPHS, BUT THE FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS ARE THERE FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES!

Yeah Um hi guys it's becky here hahha obvvvv you knew that because my wattpad username is beckylovesharryspeniswithlouisandliamonthesidelol but i like wrote this chapter yeah and i gave it this super cute title but then wattpad won't let me type the whole title in so i'm going to write it all out here for you:

Title: Harry and I met and he called me a wanker because he's british and apparently that's what British people do so I said oh Harry why would you say that when I'm in love with you and Louis and he said well which one is it???? and i said duh you and louis and he said yeah but which one of us do you love? and i was like oh no harry i mean i like you and louis as a couple. So yeahh he took me to meet his mum even though we met ten minutes ago and she gave me early gay tea. i think that's what it's called. So anyway i sipped on it yeah and he was like so i love you yeah and i was like yeah? and he was like yeah. and i was like ok then let's get married yeah? and he was like umm not right now yeah? but i waslike oh this is perffff babe cause now we can get an arranged marriage and it's so much hotter now that i know you don't actually want to do it.

(You know a part of me wonders whether every creepy fiction writer on wattpad is secretly just obsessed with rape. There's kidnap stories where they're subjected to rape. There's pedophile stories where they're subjected to it. There's stories of characters with a 'dark' past where they have graphic descriptions of the rape itself. There's straight up rape stories. Then there's arranged marriages, where there's intermarital rape. Then there's the 'bad boy' stories where the bad boy practically sexually harasses the protagonist and she's ok with it. Actually it turns her on. So all in all, I think we've discovered that there are some sick fucks on here.)

Moving onto the spin off though.

*spin off*

I walked outside of my house and Harry Styles bumped into me. "I love you" he said.

He waited a while. "What's your name by the way?".

I smiled at him. "I'm princess consuela banana hammock. I don't care if you don't know me Harry, I just really want to have sex with you. But... I'm going to have to pretend to play hard to get, because I'm so original."

"Ok" Harry said. Oh shit guys sorree I just realized taht wihle I was editing this yeah? I realized that I didn't like put punktuation at the end of his speech so yeahhhhhh anyway hope you can tell this is so an author's note so i'mm just continue "I'll have sex with you, unknown stranger who just so happens to be incredibly hot and posses the face of lucy hale. why not?"

"Oh yey Larry!"

"No my name is Harry" 

"Yeah but I like Larry bettttttter"

sorry guys author's note again my twitch got the better of me and i got stick on the t lol ok "Who's larry?"

"Oh it's your and your best firend. Because that's not sick and twisted at all."

"I don't get it... why do you want me to be with my best friend, who also happens to be a guy, if you like me? Wouldn't you want me to be straight and single so that I can be with you?"

I put my finger against his lips to shut him up. "Just... just don't question is Harry. Don't question the fangirls"

Harry smiled at me and beared... wait is it bore? lol what is it meant to be? soz i don't really know what word to use there and i mean i could easily google it but clearly i cant be bothered to do that lol so yeah

bored his fangs. i smiled. nothing could have made this better than to know he was a vampire. i should probably scream and run because a mythological predator has just revealed itself to me; but i surprisingly accept him and don't care that he'll probably kill me in my sleep.

"oh but i'm not a vampire" he read my thoughts. 

"then what are you?" i said. SAID. SAIIIDDDDDDD.

"oh... i'm a vere...ire..."

"a what?"

"it's like a vampire, yeah, but it's like a werewolf too..."

"you mean a hybrid?"

"sssssh, shhhh shhh don't use such complicated words."

"why are you a vere...ire?"

"because you fangirls are greedy bitches and being one mythical creature isn't enough for you"

"oh... well there's only one thing that would make me happier, larry"

"harry"

"same thing"

"what would make you happier?"

"kidnap me ;) lol txt talk in da house 2nite. or... or 3nite. yh. coolio. coolness. coolbeans. coool...coolly.

"oh... why?"

"i don't know. i guess it's hot."

"Um... ok then?"

"yeaaaahhh.... to be honest, ithought you'd be a bit older than 18.... 

"why would you want me to be older?Considering you're like TEN, you nasty bitch"

"because, harry, silly, haven't you read anything on wattpad? all the kidnappers are 35+. because clearly wanting to be kidnapped isn't creepy as fuck. wanting to be kidnapped by a pedophile is obviously a lot better."

"oh ok then."

"yeah"

I've honestly lost track of who's talking to be honest, so I think i'll end the spinoff there.

I've used a lot of the stuff that I ranted about in this chapter. If you can correctly guess how many  terrible techniques i've used on here that I've ranted about before, I will dedicate my next spin off chapter to you :) 

P.S. PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED. EVERY SINGLE THING WRITTEN IN THIS BOOK IS MEANT FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES. I DON'T HATE ONE DIRECTION SO DON'T HATE ME. 

Just keep calm and drink early gay tea.

P.P.S. Make me a cover for this please? ILY 5EVA IF YOU DO! *sarcasm*