Worst One Direction Fanfic On Wattpad!

The obligatory girl fight

Hi guyz it's becca, sorry it's been aw hile cause basiclly yeah I was at the one direction concert the other day cause like i snuck in through an alleyway round the back cause i couldn't get tickets cause all the other bitches got them first. so anyway i snuck in and i saw them and i went into cardiac arrest so whilst i was lying there having a haert attack, louis found me and when i saw him i had another heart attack so i was basically recovering from that by sitting at home on tumblr reading dirty fanfics about niall's hair.

"Hi daddy" I called as i walked into the living room and saww Liam, my new incest father of sorts.

"Hello sweetheart. I'm going to go buy some things, what would you like?"

"Animal crackers and a juice box, please"

"What are you like twelve?"

"Erm... yeah..."

Liam was silent as the realization that he was not only incest, but also a pedophile, sunk in.

"Ah. That is a problem" he muttered

"No don't worry babycakes, in fanfics, everything is legal" i assured him. I mean that's how my badboy-boyfriend/love interest number 48 could get away with chain-snorting drugs all day, without being caught. Because people always have a limitless supply of drugs and the police never investigate it.

At that moment, niel walked in. he's just so sexy, regardless of the fact that he is a my adopted father's/pedophilic boyfriend's best friend. 

"Hey sexy!" I called, grinning at him. Niall raised his eyebrows as he stared at me

"For once in your fanfiction life, can't you just be friends with the guys in the story? Must you always have to get into their pants? You do realize that girls and guys can be friends without having sex with eachother, right?" Niel responded. I rolled my eyes.

"Let me be desperate, ok?" I snapped, before flouncing off.

Out of nowhere, my brother appeared. I mean I know I've never mentioned him before, but that's only because he's the one boy that I apparently won't go for. 

But he wasn't my main focus. Standing next to him, was his sex god of a best friend Alex Pettyfer.

"Oh Alex, I haven't seen you in so long!" I called

"Wow Bonquisha, I haven't seen you since you were yuonger. Oh my, you've become so attractive. I surely must ravage you, regardless of the fact that I am your brother's best friend. Not that that's been overdone way too many times in wattpad stories" 

"I think it's meant to be 'best friend's brother'?" I repsonded

"No, I'm pretty sure it's both" my brother responded, before smiling and bro fisting his friend

"It's alright dude, you can have sex with my sis. I'm cool with that" he told us, before trotting off. Because that's the reaction any brother would have towards the image of his best friend taking his sister's virginity.

Suddenly, my dad appeared

"Oh dad, good news, I have a new boyf-" I was cut off as I saw my dad's best friend appear from behind him. Shoving Alex aside, I strode up to my dad's best friend. "You sir, are one sexy mother fucker. I know it's pedophilic and dirty and disgusting, but please, I must act out my daddy issues by sleeping with you. Come, you can be the star of my new novel: my dad's best friend."

"Again, not that that's been overdone on wattpad" Alex added. In the midst of all of this, none of my lovers seemed to object to the fact that I was collecting more and more people to have sex with. Apparently all the guys I'd previously been with - technically I'm currently with them - don't have any objections to the fact that I'm getting laid multiple times by different guys and cheating on them right in front of them.

*

*At a restaurant*

Edward and I sat at the restaurant, smiling at each other

"Oh Edward, it's so romantic how the background music playing is your original song"

"Isn't it just? Even though I can't really sing"

"It's ok that you sound like a nintey year old man with a chest infection when you sing. It's still so bloody romantic" I responded

"I see what you did there!" he told me, brandishing his fangs cheekily.

Suddenly, a wild waitress appeared!

"Oh hello completely sexy stranger, would you like me to take your order whilst I twist and turn at uncomfortable angles to show off my curves and lure you in?" the wily waitress asked.

"That's alright, I shan't look at any other woman whilst I am with the epitome of a goddess" Edward told her as he watched me with those creepy eyes that he uses to watch me sleep every night.

"Oh come on Eddy" she cooed

That bastardly wrench thought she could steal my man? Suddenly, my anger reached a boiling point and I jumped up before beginning to throttle her. Ah, yes, this is what I've been waiting for - the long awaited girl fight. 

"Oh, no, stop please!" Edward called feebly as he watched us continue to roll around on the floor, strangling each other. Because he was really worth strangling another girl over.

*

Just as I was about to finish writing the new chapter of my one direction fanfiction, that I publish on wattpad once a year (I started it five years ago so now there's five chapters); I noticed a thudding sound. I ran to my door and opened it to see Zayn standing there, his hair dripping wet, mirror clutched in hand.

"I found it!" He told me, running his hands through his hair as he stared in the mirror.

"Do you have a blow dryer by the way?" he asked, turning to look at me for the first time since I'd met him. His eyes only looked at mine for a second before he looked back at his mirror, but that second was enough. Those caramel goldspun coral eyes tore right into my heart, and that, is how I had my very first heart attack.

I died later that day.

Before being awoken again by my spirit guardian angel, who pops into my life from time to time. He came to see me the other day to share some tea and biscuits. 

I just don't even understand what goes through my head when I write these stories. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and remember to vote, comment and add this story to your reading lists.

ANNOUNCEMENT: I don't mean to be a wily wench, but I'm finding it a little difficult to update this very often so from now on, I'll set a challenge for each chapter. For example this chapter's challenge is to surpass 8,000 reads because we're currently at almost 7,500. This way it'll give me more time and motivation to write better quality chapters for you :) 

(This story was only meant to be a few chapters long but people kept asking for more chapters and so it turned into an actual book.Which is why the chapter updates are inconsistent. Usually I pre-write books - such as Stolen Kisses or The Body Swap - so that I can update them regularly) But I'm in my final year of school so exam stress is high and I have a shit load of work to do. Sorry!!!!!!! But I promise to set reasonable challenges for each chapter :) 

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