Memories of Elise

Prelude

I remember it was my sixteenth birthday. October 19, 2013. I was hospitalized because of anemia.

For almost a month, I had been staying in the hospital. Bawat paglipas ng oras ay kay bagal. Nakakasakal na ang mga nakakabit na dextrose sa aking pulso at sa ilang blood transfusions na isinagawa sa akin. Nakakaburyo rin ang buong araw na nakahiga at walang ginagawa. I badly want to go out but they still won't let me.

My mom already visited me but she had to leave immediately. She had to work to pay for my hospital fees. Ang kuya Eliezer naman ay kakatapos lamang sa kanyang internship, kasalukuyan na itong naka-assign sa una niyang pasyente.

Matagal ng pangarap ni kuya ang maging doktor, at ang makita siyang isa na talagang ganap na manggagamot ay sadyang kahanga-hanga. Tuwing matatapos ang shift o di kaya'y break nito ay binibisita niya ako sa aking silid. Pilit nitong pinapagaan ang paligid sa kanyang mga kwento tungkol sa mga bagong karanasan sa kanyang trabaho.

Sa halos isang buwan kong pamamalagi sa ospital, unti-unti kong nakikita ang pagbabago sa kanya. There are days when I could sense the anxiety and weariness on his face. Para bang siya ang may sakit sa aming dalawa. Para kasing palagi niyang pasan ang mundo. Hindi ko nga alam kung may oras pa ba ito para magpahinga. Kaya naman sinusulit ko ang bawat pagbisita niya at pakiramdam ko naman ay kahit papaano'y nababawasan nito ang dinadala niya.

At sa araw na iyon, hinintay kong bumisita siya sa aking silid. My friends Armi, Alice and Marj visited after lunch. They set up balloons and posters around the hospital room. May party hats pa nga sila, and a few of my classmates were also there to celebrate with me.

"Alright, Elise... make a wish!" saad ni Marj.

I closed my eyes. I had everything I hoped for, I couldn't be less thankful. I have mom, kuya, and these friends of mine that had been with me on my sixteenth birthday. The only thing I hoped for was my king... my father whom I truly miss. And so I wished.

Sana bumalik na si papa.

I then opened my eyes and blew the candles. Sa halip na gumaling ako, I want my papa to come back. I want our family to be complete again.

"Pwede ba nating bisitahin si kuya?" tanong ko sa nurse na nagbabantay sa akin. The room is eerily quiet after my classmates and friends left.

"Pwede naman. Oras na ng break, baka nasa office lang iyon. Ayaw mo bang hintayin na lang siya dito?"

"No, I want to surprise him." Iniupo ako ng nurse sa wheelchair. May natira pa akong cake kanina kaya dinala ko na ito upang ibigay kay kuya.

Mahabang corridor ang dinaanan namin. Nang lumiko kami ay nakaagaw ng pansin ang ingay mula sa di-kalayuan. Nang madaanan namin iyon, sinenyasan ko ang nurse na tumigil.

I saw my kuya. His hair was messy, and his eyes were worn-out. Around him were people crying. A middle-aged woman was sobbing on the chest of a middle-aged man. A young man was sitting on the bench, his hands on his temples and his eyes full of tears. Another guy was blocking my brother's sight; his back was turned on me. His hands were gripping my brother's collar.

From afar, I could make out a few words he said. "---anong klaseng doktor ka... bakit hinayaan mo siyang mamatay... okay pa siya diba... kausap ko pa siya kanina...okay pa siya..." Umalingawngaw sa pasilyo ang pag-iyak ng lalake sa kabila ng kanyang mga sigaw. He was furiously mad he won't let my brother speak. "Ginawa ang lahat? Tangina, kung ginawa niyo ang lahat bakit ito nangyari?! Bakit nawala si Elise..." I want to push him for hurting my brother, but I was stoned for a moment when I heard the patient's name. Elise. "Wala kayong kwenta... para saan pa iyang mga makina niyo---"

"Greg, tama na... wala na tayong magagawa para maibalik ang anak ko..."

Tila nanlamig ang buo kong katawan nang marinig ko ang pangalan ng pasyente ni kuya. I could feel the sharp pain in my eyes as the guy slowly let go of my brother's collar and fell on his knees. "Hindi pa siya patay, 'di ba? Pakiusap... icheck mo ulit at baka nagkakamali ka lang... Buhay pa si Elise... Dok parang awa mo na ayoko pa siyang mawala... marami pa kaming pangarap... mahal na mahal ko siya... Dok please... sabihin mong buhay pa siya..."

Tears plunged through my eyes. Nanlabo ang aking paningin sa tuloy-tuloy na pagdaloy ng luha. Nabasa na ang box ng cake na dala-dala ko dahil sa aking paghikbi. Nang mapansin ng nurse ang pag-iyak ko ay agad niyang itinulak ang wheelchair at inilayo ako sa lugar na iyon. Iyak ako ng iyak. I was weeping endlessly on my birthday.

Elise De Vera.

That was the name of my brother's first patient. I felt obnoxious when I heard my name from that guy. Kapangalan ko ang babae, at sa puntong iyon pakiramdam ko ako iyong iniiyakan. That time, I thought of my family. If I die, they would probably grieve. My friends, my relatives, my teachers; all the important people in my life I will abandon.

Matapos ang insidenteng iyon, binalik-balikan ko ang pasilyong iyon. Wala na doon ang pasyente, wala na rin doon ang kanyang pamilya, ang natira na lamang doon ay ang lalakeng sa tingin ko ay ang boyfriend ni Elise. Tahimik na ang corridor na iyon pero paminsan-minsan kapag nadadaanan ko iyon ay naririnig ko ang hagulgol ng lalake. Kahit sa pagtulog ko ay naririnig ko ang mga iyak niya, ang pagmamakaawa niya kay kuya...

I was too young that time to know what love is. But when I fall in love, I want the guy to be like him. I felt stupid for feeling envious of a dead person. Parang gusto ko pa nga siyang palitan nang mga panahong iyon. Iyong pakiramdam na sinamahan ka niyang lumaban kabila ng matindi mong karamdaman. Iyong hindi ka niya iniwan kahit alam niyang kahit anong oras ay mawawala ka na. I want to feel it. I want a a guy that will tell me he loves me and he cannot bear to lose me. For the first time since my papa left us, I believed again. I believed that there are still people who will not leave you regardless of the circumstances life may bring.

After 6 years, I am back to this hospital. I knew he pursued Medicine and took internship in this hospital. Medyo awkward pa nga raw para kay kuya Eli lalo na't siya ang magsasanay sa kanya. For 6 years, I've been watching him from afar. I enrolled in the same university where he is studying. Over the years, I've been in and out of relationships. I was finding that one person that will make me feel cherished just like how he cherished his ex-girlfriend Elise.

"Dr. Alvarico, nagawi ba rito si Dr. Fontelara?"

Isang boses ang tumugon mula sa loob ng silid. "Hindi pa, pero papunta na siguro iyon dito. May operation siya ngayon."

"Ah, may bisita po kasi siya." Iginiya ako papasok ng nurse. I smiled coyly at him, feeling my heart beating boisterously on my chest.

He changed a lot. The hospital gown suited him perfectly. A stethoscope was hanging on his neck. His hair was slightly messy. He wore glasses that made him look more pensive. He had grown into a different man.

Everything has changed, except one thing.

His eyes.

His eyes were the same... it was still cold and distant.

A/N: Hi there! It's been a while since I last wrote and I've decided to continue and finish this story. Around 2017 ko ito sinimulan, at dahil medyo busy sa school hindi ko na ito naituloy pa. Hopefully, this year matapos ko na talaga ito and sana may mga mag-abang pa rin sa story nila Greg at Elise. Thank you in advance!