Grace

Chapter 46

I got downstairs early on Monday. At about three in the morning I'd woken up so many times from nightmares I'd given up with sleep. It was more sounds and sensations than visuals – the screaming, the explosions, news reports, the sound of galloping horses. Clara. I'd run a bath, soaked in it for a couple of hours and then quietly made my way downstairs already in uniform.

Ricky, one of Ben's guards, was sat in the lounge nursing a cup of coffee. Master Clarke was sat opposite him.

"Can't sleep?" Ricky asked me.

I shook my head and sat next to him. "I've been awake for a couple of hours."

"The headmaster's been talking about a memorial. Clara's dad was a student here."

"I'll play the Last Post," I said. "When is it?"

"Sunday. Do you think Clara will be up for joining us?"

I shook my head and felt my hands tremble. "She won't be back for a while."

Ricky covered both of my hands with one of his. "She'll make it, Grace. She's strong."

"I've never seen anyone like that."

"Neither have I."

The admission made me feel a little better. I stood up. "I'm going to get some breakfast." On the way to the kitchen I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm so glad I get to row later."

Master Clarke didn't care that I took my bowl of cereal and cup of tea into the lounge. He had the TV on a low volume. It was the early morning news. A few new reports were in – a few families had been confirmed dead, someone had been taking a video near one of the ice cream vans when it exploded and had given the footage over, the video clip of me and Ben in the kitchen was played as well as Johnny and Christian's speeches, the conversation I had with the terrorist was talked about as was his arrest. After that it moved to how the Prime Minister had been removed from office because he'd been more or less catatonic with shock for hours. The deputy head, Shannon Davidson, was running things now.

Slowly people began to trickle downstairs. It happened in the usual wave of a few, then lots and then the last few. Ben was one of the last where as normally he was an early riser. I let him get breakfast in peace. He joined me a few minutes later.

"You slept as little as I did?" he asked.

I nodded. "I've been up since three."

"Chi's looking pretty glum."

"Josh is in our dance class. Clara's not here and we have two lessons with her. Was," I whispered. "Josh was in our dance class."

"It gets easier," he said.

"I know."

That was somehow the worst part of it. I'd already done this once. I'd been here before. Nigel. It all came flooding back. The pain, the sorrow.

"I'm going to get my violin."

I elected to skip church that morning. I was close to tears enough as it was, I didn't need to sit through a service that was going to be in memory of the people the school had lost. I didn't need to sit through the prayers for Clara either. I only came down from my room after the end of chapel bell went. By that time Jessica, Tony and Dave had showed up. They were in Dame Clarke's office talking to her. I paused by the door.

"I think it would be best if you gave her a week off," Dame Clarke said.

"Won't Grace want to make that decision herself?" Tony asked.