I woke up with a start. Not from a bad dream, but from lack of boyfriend in my arms and dick in my butt. As I felt around, I noticed not only that Alex was absent from my room, but that there was an intoxicating smell coming from below.
Downstairs, I mean. Not his brown bouquet. That'd be gross.
As I made my way through the house unclothed, with total disregard for my parents, whom I assumed were at work, like always. As I rounded the hallway corner to the kitchen, I found my paradise. Alex was standing at the stove, frying eggs and bacon, wearing nothing but a white chef's apron. I wanted nothing more than to skip breakfast and go straight to desert. Winky face heart emoji.
Just as his spatula flipped my eggs, I tripped, making a less than graceful tumble into the table. Alex laughed his adorable laugh and my bacon flipped. Blushing, Alex presented my meal to me. Simultaneously, he handed me the eggs and bacon.
"So guess what?"
"What?" I asked precariously.
"I'm not really sure what's up with it, but I'm not dead anymore." Alex bit his lip with a half smile. Fuck he's hot.
I O-mouth'd. "So you get to stay?" I was ecstatic.
"Not exactly. I think Jesus is mad about it. I need to go talk to him."
"How do you know that?"
"I found this sticky note on my chest when I woke up."
Alex handed me the perfectly uncrumpled yellow paper. It read in perfect cursive,
We need to talk. Meet me at noon.
Feel free to bring your bf.
-JC
"Seems legit." I say, almost amused.
"Wanna go? Heaven's pretty."
"Sure."
The morning was spent watching a dramatic reading of My Immortal, until noon rolled around. Unsure of where to go or what to expect, we merely stepped outside, and our questions were answered. Sitting on the front porch was a glimmering golden white escalator, progressing upwards as far as I could see. Sitting at the base was a sign that read,
This way to JC.
"I guess we go that way." Alex shrugged.
I wasn't quite sure how he came to such a deduction, but I didn't question his methods. We stepped onto the escalator and, began our trip into heaven. Higher and higher we went. We ascended to the height of a building, to the height of a roller coaster, to the height of a skyscraper, and then to the height of a mid-trip airplane. It was at this point that, waking from my trance caused by staring at Alex's ass, I made a very important realization.
"Hey Alex."
"Yo."
"We forgot to put clothes on."
"... Oh yeah. I guess we did." Alex chuckled. It would have been cute, but at the moment I was a little anxious. Showing up to a meeting with Jesus himself without any clothes is not a first impression I wanted to make.
"Bro chill." Alex said, noticing my steady panic.
"Shit, man. JC's gonna be pissed at us."
"Oh dude don't worry about it. He and his dad made us. He ain't gonna care if your schlong is showing. And if he doesn't wanna see it, he's God. He'll just snap his fingers and give you a robe."
"Huh. I guess that makes enough sense."
We continued upwards until we were at the edge of the atmosphere. The escalator stopped, and a pure white bridge appeared at the end. At the other end of the rather small bridge, an elevator, as golden white as the escalator. As we stepped inside, I found another sticky note. I handed it to Alex, as I felt too high to read, and Alex recited,
Due to the fact that you humans need air or whatever, you'll be taking this air-filled elevator the rest of the way. Just press the button.
PS I don't care if you have clothes. Clothes are an earth thing so it doesn't matter.
"I guess your question is answered." Alex chuckled. I merely looked to the right, to see the panel of buttons. At elbow-height, there were three buttons. The left most was labeled "Earth," the middle was labeled "Heaven," and the right most labeled "Emergency."
As I pressed the middle button, a cute feminine voice announced over the intercom panel,
"You have selected destination H. Please enjoy your trip, and if you wish at any point to change the music, press the middle button. Thank you."
"What music?" I asked.
As if on cue, a quiet, yet pronounced voice sounded through the speaker. While Alex was unable to identify the angelic music, I recognized instantly to be Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know."
We were on our way.
