The Cycle

CHAPTER 16: FALLING

CHAPTER 16

FALLING

The last week-and-a-half was agonizing. The operation was a success; it was the time I had to spend cooped up in the hospital room that was dreadful. I wasn't allowed to have visitors and Dr. Cameron explained it was because my immune system was very weak and any outside contaminants, even something as simple as dust, could have fatal effects on my body. I didn't argue much. I let the nurses do their daily routine of checking my blood pressure, changing my IV, checking my temperature...I was pretty oblivious to most of it. My mind was constantly swirling with a thousand different thoughts that my body was suddenly on auto-pilot.

Today seems better though. And worse. I was allowed to come home last night and it was such a relief to be back in my own bed, to have access to a shower and a toilet; I don't think I could handle peeing in a pan for another day. Dr. Cameron prescribed me some medication to help with the pain and the side effects of the transplant, which I took graciously as needed, and I think it has my parents a little worried. They proposed that I go see Pastor Samuel at church this morning so I could "talk to him about my feelings". I was reluctant to agree, mainly because I didn't think I could ever really talk to anyone about how I was feeling without being judged and ridiculed, but mostly because I just didn't want to talk about it. My emotions were spiraling out of control and I've found that the best way to deal with them was to ignore them, as if they weren't sending me down the path to insanity.

Forrest parks the car in the lot of the church and I notice how empty it is, even though it's Sunday morning. We walk up the front steps of the church and Forrest holds the door open. When I step inside, a chorus of silent prayers is heard, murmurs escaping the mouths of the gathering congregation. Lorraine lays a gentle hand on my shoulder and leads me down the aisle into a nearly empty row. I slide down the bench and take a seat, my eyes wandering around.

The hums quiet down as Pastor Samuel begins to speak. He's definitely not what I imagined a Pastor to look like, especially in such a small town such as Moon Bay. He wears slightly cut off jeans and a long-sleeved turtleneck sweater. His canvas sneakers and stylish name-brand glasses are what throw me off. He begins his lecture and that's when I start to tune him out, focusing on the beautiful oil paintings hanging on the wall instead.

When the service is over, Lorraine taps me on the shoulder and guides me up the aisle, going the opposite way as the rest of the crowd. Pastor Samuel is speaking to someone at the podium. I recognize the boy; his name is Matthew Furtchess and he's Pastor Samuel's son. Pastor Samuel makes eye-contact with me and he gently pats his son's arm. Matthew turns around, takes one look at my face, and smiles apologetically before excusing himself.

"Hello, Pastor Samuel," Forrest says, holding his hand out. "It's good to see you again."

"Always good to see you, too, Forrest," he says while shaking Forrest's hand. "Hello, Lorraine. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, Pastor," she says with a shy smile. "It's actually my daughter Elaina that would like to speak to you."

Pastor Samuel's eyes land on me and I've never felt such warmth and compassion stemming from one person's stare in my entire life. When he looks at me, it's almost as if he knows the pain I've been going through, the troubles I've found myself entangled in. It's in that stare that I feel like he actually understands, and I haven't even spoken yet!