The Cycle

CHAPTER 5: GONE

A/N:

Sorry about the late post. I've been swamped at work and I do work 6 days a week now so I'm utterly exhausted most of the time :( But better late than never, right? Another note, this chapter is fairly short and it is meant to be that way. Just putting that out there. Alright, enough of me rambling. If you like reading this story, give it a favorite or leave a comment :) Comments always make my day (whether informative or totally random). Enjoy reading the rest of this story! :] 

CHAPTER 5

GONE

My eyes slowly open to an awkward shaft of light streaming in from the wrong end of the window. I groan and carefully sit up in bed, feeling rigid and uncomfortable. My blouse is completely twisted and wrinkled and my legs are stiff from sleeping in jeans. I slowly get out of bed and change out of my school clothes, more out of discomfort than anything, and put on grey Arrowleaf sweatpants and a thick long-sleeved shirt. I amble down the dim hallway and quietly walk downstairs.

When I enter the kitchen, there's a note on the fridge. I limply amble over and rip the sticky-note off, carefully reading Forrest's neat writing.

Elaina,

Your mother and I drove into town to run a few errands, but we'll be back later in the afternoon. If we don't arrive home before 5, there are leftovers in the fridge that you can heat up.

Love,

Dad

P.s.

Your mother and I feel horrible about the way things went down last night. We never meant for it to go that far and we want to talk it all out.

I crumple the piece of paper in my hand and toss it in the garbage. I already tried talking to them and look where that got me. I chance a glance at the digital clock on the stove and it says it's already 3 p.m. Wow; I slept through the whole morning, apparently. I release a heavy sigh and grab my things from the downstairs closet, like my coat, hat, gloves, and snow boots, before locking up the front door and heading out for a walk in the brisk afternoon, in desperate need to clear my head.

My head is so full of contradicting thoughts that it's hard to hear myself think. On one end of the spectrum, I honestly do feel terrible for the things I said to Forrest and Lorraine. As much as it pains me to admit it, they did raise me whether or not I was their flesh and blood; that I can't deny. Not including the few times when fear of the unknown overpowered their emotional state, they both have been extremely supportive in my fight against Fanconi Anemia, especially Forrest. Although I'm still on defense of whether or not Lorraine deserves my vicious dabs, I know for a fact that Forrest doesn't deserve such cruelty. Until I met Kayden and Nayland, he's been the closest thing I have to a friend. How could I have treated him so nastily?

The other end of the scale tells me just the opposite. It tells me that what I said last night wasn't a false statement; that it was a direct connection to what I was feeling in my heart and that what I said was 100% understandable. In certain aspects, I can agree with that voice. Maybe because it makes the most sense or maybe because I want a reason to stay angry, I'm not quite sure, but the fact is I do somewhat agree. This little voice is telling me that I did nothing wrong, that I had a human reaction to a jab that was aimed at me and that it was unavoidable...But deep down I know I have to disagree. What Lorraine said to me was hurtful, without a doubt, but what I said directly to her cut deeper than the sharpest knife. Not only was I denying her credibility as a parent and taking no interest in all the work and love and money and time she puts into me, but I was also dismissing her connection to me, whether biological or emotional. I was deliberately telling her that I wanted no part and no involvement with her whatsoever, despite all that she's done for me. And that's not something that I'll never be able to take back. Ever.