What Now? (Book 2) [l. hemmings]

Chapter 2

Hellooooo :)

Double update woo here is the second chapter!

Hope you like itttt



Enjoyyy

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Luke's P.O.V.



It's been two months since me and Vic had parted.

Two fucking months.

It's been terrible. Absolutely fucking terrible.

I haven't talked to her. I miss her so much.

At first I didn't even talk to the guys.

The first few days were awful.

I would just sit and do literally nothing. I didn't eat either. I tried to force myself to eat but it wouldn't stay down. I was able to avoid talking to everybody for a while because the first almost two weeks we were in London we don't have any shows.

It was too hard to talk about what happened. It wasn't even a huge breakup, there wasn't a huge fight, but it still hurts. She broke up with me, I'm not okay. 

When I started talking to them again I spoke to Calum alone once. I asked him about Vic which made me want to breakdown and cry. I asked if she was talking to any of them and he said she hasn't.

I really just hoped she won't avoid all of us.

I wanted her to at least still talk to the guys. Or at least one of us. I don't want her to cut us out of her life.

Later that night I was told that Michael actually had spoke to Vic that day.

The next night I was in my room, since we were in London we were actually staying in a house we had our own. And I couldn't take it. I was going crazy. I was angry and sad. I was heartbroken. I finally got out of bed, but because I was so angry,  just broke basically everything in the room. I was so frustrated. I didn't understand why why we broke up. I didn't understand why she did this. I still don't. I don't understand any of it. 

Michael and Ashton ran into my room after hearing me break everything. I don't think they understood why I was doing what I did. I don't really understand fully why I did it.

Now they just watch after me all the time, scared of what I might do.

I wanted to call her after that. I wanted to cave in and call her. But I couldn't. I couldn't because I wasn't able to bring myself to it. I just can't call her. I don't want to seem that desperate to talk to her, even though I am. 

She left me.

She doesn't want me.

I need to get it through my head.

She does not want me.

The worst was our first night performing. I messed it all up. I would forget lyrics, stumble on my words or just forget to sing.

Usually music was my escape from everything. I would never mess up like that no matter what was going on, but this I just can't run from.

This time, not even music could save me.

After that first week of performances messing up everything almost I was determined to do a concert where not one thing goes wrong.

I was always wondering if she was already over me. Over what happened. If she had moved on.

When Calum told me that she was happy and found new friends, I figured she was moving on. She was getting over it.

I was happy for a little bit, just thinking about how happy she must be. Moving on, new friends, forgetting us... I wish it was that easy for me. 

I'm still here, not doing anything.

While I sit here, crying, just being sad, she's out being happy.

At least she's happy and that's all the matters.

She's happy.

But she's happy, not with me. She's happy without me.

Just over a month I finally started to actually do stuff with the guys. It's been hard to. Really hard to. Especially with fans everywhere. Having to act around them. Act like nothing is wrong. Act like I'm not sad. Act like I'm not dying on the inside. I have to act as if I'm happy. Act as if nothing is going on. They think they know me... but honestly they know nothing.

The fans are really one of the thing that are still keeping me going though. The guys, the fans, the music. That's what has been keeping me going.

I feel like I'm being haunted by few questions, though.

Did she really ever have feelings for me? Did she not mean anything she said? What did I really mean to her? Did she just pity date me? Did she really love me?

By now its been two months. I've been slowly getting better. I'm still not happy. I wouldn't say I'm depressed like I was before though.

It's been alright.

Just all I know, is I'll never get over Vic.

She'll always be the best thing to ever happen to me.

All I ask is why.

Why did she end it? Why did it have to end? Why did any of this shit ever have to happen?

Why?

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heeyy hiii :)


idk I hope you liked these first couple chapters