Unraveled

Chapter 7

17 Days Until...

Brooke

I walk out my front door and see Josh walking down his driveway. He looks over at me and his face lights up. Racing over, he meets me in the middle of my driveway enveloping me in a hug and holding me close to him. "Hey baby. Sorry I couldn't be there yesterday morning." He whispers in my ear. "It's okay Josh." I reply nuzzling my face into his neck. "Mkay baby."

"So what were you doing yesterday?" I ask him. "Painting my room and unpacking. It was really calming and gave me time to think about things. I would have invited you over but I just needed some time alone you know?" He lets me go with a slight smile on his face. "Yeah, I get it Josh." I smile back at him. The bus pulls up and honks at us, as always. We get on and sit in the first seat, with me near the window and him closest to the aisle. "So did you paint your room how you wanted too?"

"Yeah I did. I completely love it. It's just so... Me." He looks over at me. "Yeah I get what you mean." We sit in silence for the rest of the ride, just listening to the endless chatter surrounding us.

I walk into the school, Josh already left me since our lockers are in completely different directions unfortunately. I unlock mine and get all my crap out. Hopefully today will be better than most of the others. But I'm still ready to be gone. Not that I've told Josh that, how could I? He's already had one girlfriend that he was completely in love with die. How could I do that to him? But also, how can I stay? It isn't like I enjoy living. I act happy around Josh only to keep him satisfied and it's like I'm just deteriorating in the blink of an eye. Just slowly melting into nothing like the Wicked Witch of the West. Wouldn't that be something? The story of a girl who just melted from one little bucket of water. Except in my case it would either be a bucket of tears or a bucket of blood. And the weird thing is there are so many ways to kill yourself or someone else. You just have to choose the one that works best for you. You could hang yourself, stab yourself, shoot yourself. Like seriously. Humans are so fragile. A change in climate or environment and allergies or a cold or disease could pop up. Like seriously, the littlest change affects everything. Even emotionally. Yes, when Josh came into my life I got happier. But then I wasn't. And I'm still not. It just isn't the same as it was a week ago. And I'm not about to plan my own death. But if I do die, I'm going to write a note why. Kind of like a goodbye letter. Besides, the only person who will actually care is Josh. My parents don't care. None of the people at school care. And my online friends, they'll probably care too. But I'll tell them before I do it so I can actually say bye. I won't have that with anyone else. But that's a good thing. It gives me less time to change my mind. Less time to go back on what is eventually going to happen. Why avoid it? I just can't do this anymore.

And I know I must sound really whiny and obnoxious since all I do is complain. But whoever doesn't have or hasn't had depression can't possibly understand. It feels like something heavy is just constantly sitting on your chest. It isn't like you can get rid of it, it's just there.  I guess I have the form of depression that's chronic.

Josh

I walk into class, a smile gracing my face. My phone buzzes in my back pocket. That's funny, I haven't gotten a text in forever. Except from Brooke, but she has a different buzz pattern than everyone else. Hang on let me be a white girl for a second, oh my god I like, so had to change the pattern because she like matters so much to me like oh my god you would not believe. Okay, I am done.

It's Ariel's dad, oh no, that can only mean one thing...

Dad- She's dead. She died this morning, thought you should know. Her funeral is in two weeks, I would love it if you came.

Oh crap... "Um... May I please be excused to call my mom? It's important." The teacher nods his head and continues teaching. I exit the classroom, grabbing my bag and binder. As I walok down the hallway, I dial her number. It rings a million times before she answers. "Yes? Josh? What is it honey?" her voice comes through, a slight static behind it. "Mom...Ariel's mom...she's dead." I break down in tears stammering through the sentence. Fuck, I can't even think straight. "Oh honey, I am so sorry. Do you want to come home?" I wipe away my tears. "Yes, please. Can we go to the funeral? It's in two weeks."

"Of course honey, I'll be there to pick you up soon. Get the work that you'll be missing from your other classes please."

"Okay Mom. See you soon." I hang up the phone and head to Brooke's first period class to get my work. Heads turn as I enter the room, and then turn back around as they realize that it's just me. "Excuse me, but could I get the work for today?" Brooke looks at me with a puzzled expression on her face. "Tell you later." I mouth to her, she nods her head and gets back to doing her work. "Sure." He gets the work together and hands it to me. "Thank you."

"No problem." I walk out of the class and gather the rest of my homework. Soon enough, I'm sitting in the office waiting.

Brooke- Are you okay? What's going on?

Josh- Ariel's mom died...I won't be in school the rest of the day.

Brooke- Okay, let me know if you need anything.

Josh- Okay. Get back to your classwork darling.

Brooke- Ugh fine

My mom walks in the room and I shove my phone into my back pocket. "Ready to go?"

"Yes ma'am." She checks me out and then we walk out of the school together. As soon as we are in the car she wraps her arms around me tight. "Are you okay Josh?" She moves the hair out from in front of my eyes. "I've definitely been better Mom. It just...it hurts you know? Like...everyone that has been a major part of my life is just leaving. And I don't know how to feel about it. Yes, of course I'm sad. But I'm also happy they aren't suffering and angry at the world from taking them away from me. It's just a big puddle of emotions and I can't deal with it."

"Oh honey... I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say but that. It'll get better though. Yes, people leave, but new people will also come into your life. Like Brooke. So don't worry about it honey."

"Thanks Mom." She lets go of me and turns on the car. On that final, depressing note, we drive away to a day that just belongs to the two of us.