Unraveled

Chapter 13

2 Days Later...

Brooke

"Hey sir?" 

"Yeah?"  The nurse says looking up at me.  "Can I have some paper and a pen or a pencil please?"  I ask, having the urge to write a song.  "Yeah, I'll go get some."  A few minutes later he comes back in with a lined piece of paper and a blunt pencil.  "Thanks, I just really need to write things down."

Broken and bruised tears streaming down my face

Lost in this world it's been a while since I have felt all right

Head down back bent scars on my arms and thighs

Eyes soulless gone is their light

I've got 25 days left to live my life, 25 days before I die, 600 hours, 36,000 minutes left for me

tonight

I set the paper and pencil down on the table giving up on writing the lyrics for now.  My parents haven't come back since the doctor made them exit for some reason and Josh has been in whenever he can be.  As if on cue, he walks in, a smile gracing his face.  "Hey beautiful.  I got you that food that you asked for.  They wouldn't let me get any knives or forks though so it's just spoons for now."  A look of pain crosses his face at that, but he quickly masks it with his smile again.  "Thanks Josh.  And it's okay that they would not let you give me knives or forks. It is completely understandable right?"

"Yeah it is.  I just wish you had never ended up here."  His eyes land on the paper and he picks it up reading it.  "Brooke what is this?"  I smile at him.  "Song that I am writing.  I need to get my emotion out somehow honestly.  Music is my outlet and I am not allowed to listen to it or have my phone in here."

"I can turn on something if you want me too.  Sleeping With Sirens are your favorite right?"  He glances up at me getting his phone out.  "Yeah they are.  Can you play Kick Me?"

"Yeah, just let me look it up on Spotify real quick."  The guitar and drums come in and then Kellin Quinn's voice starts filling up the room.

Let's hang the jury you sick judgemental fools I'll bury you six feet deep so tired of your rules fuck you and your opinion how could you be so blind?  What goes around comes back around in time you don't know shit you don't know shit about me you don't know shit, shit, shit don't know a goddamn thing about me keep looking down on me, I am more than you'll ever be cut me deep but I won't bleed you're gonna kick, kick, kick me when I'm down by all means put me through hell and I'll make you see I'll be your worst enemy try to kick, kick, kick me when I'm down kick me when I'm down of all the sinners you're first in line so go to hell and tell the devil I'm not that far behind Fuck you and your decision 'Cause it's not mine what goes around comes back around in time you don't know shit You don't know shit about me you don't know shit, shit, shit don't know a goddamn thing about me keep looking down on me, I am more than you'll ever be cut me deep but I won't bleed you're gonna kick, kick, kick me when I'm down by all means put me through hell and I'll make you see I'll be your worst enemy try to kick, kick, kick me when I'm down you're gonna kick, kick, kick me when I'm down Kick, kick, kick me when I'm down Kick me when I'm down Kick me when I'm down, down, down Kick me when I'm down, down, down Kick me when I'm down

The final chord cuts out and leaves the room in silence.  "Wow."  Josh says.  "That was some hardcore music.  I never listen to that stuff but I feel like it is kind of a voice that you can be heard from even though you are not saying the words yourself."

"I know right?  That's why I listen to it.  It's a way of releasing anger and letting myself be heard because I feel like I am not heard any other way. No offense to you or anything, but yeah."  I smile at him and he turns on another song taking away the silence that is always in the room.  He turns it down low though so we can actually talk over it unlike the previous song.  "Brooke I want to talk to you about us."

"Okay, what about us?"  This can not be good.  We haven't really had any serious discussions since he started being able to come in here.  "About you cheating on me and not talking to me about everything that has happened.  I just need to know why Brooke, why you did anything that has happened."

"I wanted it to hurt less for you when I tried to kill myself, which is why I cheated on you.  I know that it sounds screwed up and it was, and I should have just told you but I couldn't.  I wanted to die too much and it was clouding my normal thought process."

"Brooke, I wish you could have just told me.  I would have done everything in my power to help you.  You know that right?"

"I do now and I did then but I just did not want to take advantage of that or whatever."  I look up at him.  "Brooke, don't ever worry about that again.  I would do absolutely anything for you.  And I really truly mean anything.  I love you a hell of a lot and losing you would be devastating.  When I was holding your limp, bleeding, body in my arms all I was thinking was that I just could not lose you because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I love you Brooke, I really do.  And I absolutely can't lose you.  I think it would honestly just kill me off too.  I know that this probably just sounds like a bunch of sappy love crap but I mean every god damned word of it."  He hugs me tight avoiding my arm and tears stream down my face.  I don't know why I am so god damned emotional it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me.  "Josh?  Can I tell you something that happened to me?"  I think that I am finally ready to share it.  "Yeah of course Brooke."  The nurse in the chair had fallen asleep anyway.  And it is just Josh I can tell him anything in the world.  He will never judge me, just accept me for who I am and what has happened.  "I was raped..."  Anger takes over his face but he quickly replaces it with a calm, caring look.  "What?  By who?  When?" His tone is angry, sad, worried. Exactly like him. He can hide the emotions in his face. But when he talks? All the false pretenses disappear.

"A couple years ago, I don't know who did it. I don't know how it happened, just that it did."

"Brooke, I am so so so so so so so sorry that that happened to you.  It should definitely not ever happen to anyone.  Especially not you.  It is just sick that anyone would even think of doing that to anyone.  I can not stand those fucking bastards who do that."

"Yeah... Same here.  I also want to share with you why I get bullied so much by Ashlee and all of the rest of them."  This is the hardest part for me to tell him honestly.  "Okay, go ahead and tell me baby."  He holds my hand rubbing circles on it with his thumb.  "When Ashlee and I were younger we were the best of friends and that eventually turned into something more.  We started kissing and touching and experimenting with each other over a summer.  And then when school started it ended and she turned against me and started bullying the shit out of me.  I think she was just ashamed of what we had.  So much that it makes her do a lot of bad, evil things."

"Wow.  So my girlfriend has been with a chick before me.  That is actually kind of hot in a weird way."

"Why?"  Something sexual is most definitely going to come out of that boys mouth.  "Because, it means that you are completely open to a threesome." He winks at me with a smirk gracing his face. See?  What did I tell you?  "Eww no.  Definitely not.  Blech.  Having some other chick kiss and touch you while I watch?  Oh hell no.  I am not cooperating with that bull shit."  He laughs at that.  "I know, I would not want to do it either.  Frankly, I just want to be with you and only you Brooke."  And cue the melting.  No, not like the Wicked Witch of the West.  My skin isn't green and I am not evil thank you very much.  "Aww Josh.  That might just be the sweetest thing you have ever said to me."

"Really?  I beg to differ."  He chuckles and kisses my lips gently.  "Love you Brooke."  I smile.  "Love you too Josh." I rest my head on his chest and he chuckles, the noise vibrating into me. Soon enough, I close my eyes and lose myself to his rhythmic breathing.