Edge of the Ravine

21

Chapter Twenty-One

      The pain, when my body finally became aware of it, was all encompassing.  It was the type of agony that burned through the skin and made your blood the consistency of acid.  Excruciating torment made it feel as if a thousand razors were taking turns cutting my skin while someone poured salt and lemon juice in each gaping slash.  And it was exactly this horror that kept me secluded in my bed, doing nothing but crying and screaming into a pillow for a week.  By the end of which, I was so dehydrated that I no longer felt the urge to relieve myself.

      Amelia, thankfully, was not the nurturing type in the least.  Except for the occasional gripe about my school work going undone or the volume of my sobs, she ignored me entirely.  Looking back on it, I often wondered if she understood my pain for what it was.  If she knew that the reason for my broken heart was far more vicious than a simple friend leaving another behind.  Had she ever suspected otherwise, however, she never spoke of it.  Nor did I.

At the end of that insidious week, my grief was sorely interrupted by the most unexpected of guests.  I'd heard the car pull up to the house and knew immediately to whom it belonged.  Yet, I didn't even glance out the window to confirm the impossibility.  It was one of those days where I begged my ears to be deceiving me.  They weren't.

"Hello?" Amelia muttered curiously when she answered the slow, soft knocks on the door.

"Hello, Ms. Winthrope.  I'm Thomas Baldwin. Alec's father."  I could clearly hear his voice choke on the last two words.  Then he cleared his throat and forced the next sentence out in a louder tone than necessary.  "I was wondering if Oliver might be home."

"What do you want with him?" my great-aunt demanded.

"Just to talk, ma'am," Mr. Baldwin was quick to assure her.  "We've both lost the one dearest to us recently.  I think it might be well for Oliver to see someone who shares his grief.  And I know it would do me well to have someone equally as hurt and confused to speak to about all of this."  I don't think he meant to admit that last part.  And we both knew a second later that he shouldn't have.

"You want to further immerse that boy in his own misery by sharing with him yours?  I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot allow for that to happen.  I am the sole guardian of Oliver and it is my duty to protect and shelter him as much as I can.  Though I could not save him from the actions of your son, I will most definitely put myself between you and him on this matter.  Now I must ask you to leave my property immediately.  Have a nice day."

I was so grateful for Amelia's interference that I couldn't even find it in myself to argue over her choice of words concerning Alec.  After all, the only thing he'd ever done to me that warranted that tone was not taking me with him.  A week in bed, at least, allowed me to realize that I wasn't upset with him for leaving like he did.  I was amply warned.  My true problem, however, lay in the simple fact that he hadn't taken me with him.  And that hurt more than anything.

After Mr. Baldwin left, I was no longer able to infinitely contemplate my own misery.  With the arrival of Alec's father, Amelia had had enough of my 'foolishness'.  For the first time in all the years I'd lived here, she ascended the ladder that led to my loft.  Had I not been stifling my cries, I might have heard her joints all creak and pop as she made the rigorous journey.  As it was, she was looming over me, shielding me from what little light came in through the window, before I was able to remove my face from the long-abused pillow.

"That is quite enough, Oliver Hart.  You've been whimpering like a wounded animal long enough.  Things happen in life and we must live with them.  No matter that we'd rather not," she huffed as my bleary eyes tried to bring her into focus.

I almost laughed.  'Rather not' seemed like such an understatement.  As did 'wounded animal'.  It would be a long time before I regressed to that point.  Where I didn't feel as if my heart was lying on the floor beside me, bleeding out before my eyes.  Every futile beat getting less and less pronounced as the seconds ticked away.  If ever I got to the point of 'wounded' I wouldn't remember what it was like not to be this way.

But Amelia didn't know that.  Didn't want to know.

"Now, I expect you to clean up this mess and then take yourself to shower.  You smell foul, rotting away up here in your snot and tears."  The familiar look of disgust crinkled her nose and pursed her lips.  Those eyes that were so unforgiving were even less merciful now.  I was to do as I was told.  As she expected.  Nothing else would be tolerated.

Maybe it was in that moment that I made the decisions.  Perhaps it was an hour later, after I'd showered and pulled on fresh, clean clothing.  Or even after I'd eaten a decent meal and drank at least two gallons of water.  It could even have been after that when I'd thrown it all back up because my body could not handle that much after being malnourished for a week.  All I know is, the decision was made.  And I had no reason to stay.

Three times a day, the train came in from out of town and left only fifteen minutes later.  Once was so early in the morning, no one from town was awake to ride it.  The only reason it ran at all was to bring in the factory workers from out of town.  Where it went after us was an absolute mystery.  My best guess was that it was the one Alec had left on.  Even the operator was so zoned out by then, he wouldn't have noticed who bought the ticket.

Next departure was in the afternoon.  It left the only other station I'd ever been to at one thirty in the afternoon and arrived here at three thirty on the button.  Of the three trains, it was the only one whose destination I knew.  Therefore, it was the one I most certainly would not be taking.

Then there was the evening train.  Setting off at nine fifteen, it was the most commonly used one for all the factory workers to head home on.  This train had the most stops of any and therefore was not conducive for even a legal runaway.

So it was that I was skulking around an empty platform at five thirty in the morning with a huge camping pack slung on my back and dressed in my more enduring clothes that had survived many afternoons in the company of my rambunctious boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend, I reminded myself bitterly just as the train pulled into the station.

I didn't bother to slink into the shadows as it came to a halt.  So what if all the factory workers saw me skipping town.  They'd probably seen Alec do the same thing and hadn't said a word.  And what did I care if Amelia threw a torrential fit that I was gone.  What did I care?

It's not like I needed her.  I didn't need anyone.  Not anymore.

They'd all left.

So I was leaving too.

At five fifteen, the train pulled away to embark on a journey to an unknown location.  And my heart was beating as fast as it was moving as my prison disappeared behind me.