The Melancholy of Cassandra-Marie

(7)

 "But dad—"

"No. NO. This is final. You're not seeing him. You're getting on that plane and you're going straight to Kiev. I can't believe you Cassandra — I knew Louis was no good. I knew from day one that he'd turn you into something you're not. I should've never let you be around him!"

"I'm sorry!" I cry. "Just please, let me say goodbye to him!"

"No, not after what I found. This conversation is over."

"No, it isn't! I've known Louis for so long, and now that we're together... I can't— I just... I can't leave without telling him!"

"You can, and you will." he pauses, hand on his forehead, the tips of his fingers pinching the space between his brows. "My own daughter... we didn't raise you like this."

"I'm responsible enough to choose what I do with my own body, dad. I trust Louis."

"Responsible? You're not even responsible enough to feed yourself! I'm confiscating your phone, and don't even think about taking that or your computer from my office. You're not to speak to him, you are not to communicate with him, and dare I say it, if you even try to do what was described in the messages on your phone, I will disown you. You can take your things and find a new place to go. I raised a proper, polite, respectful young lady, not..."

He gestures to all of me.

"Not this."

I just stand there, astounded. My face is soaked with tears... my abdomen feels twisted and hollowed out. I feel like my father doesn't even love me — like my only purpose is for his own bragging rights. When I'm well-behaved, I'm 'the best daughter' and when I falter I'm not worth his time. Like I'm a bank investment that went wrong and he's lost hope in. Like he wasn't ever interested in my hobbies unless her could make me better and get something out of it. He was always too busy with his banks or his investments in the market to have time to watch me, unless I placed first, that is. He just hasn't cared. I've always suspected it, but now I'm sure. I get that what I did is upsetting to most parents, but I don't understand why this is what it took to set him off. That's it... that's it.

"So now you care what I'm like? You don't care when we're — I'm sorry — I'M at Nationals or in Europe for Worlds, you don't care when I win, you don't care that I'm a world champion going to the Olympics! Oh, but now, all of a sudden, I have consensual sex with someone who cares about me and now it's your business? You only care what I do wrong, dad! I could achieve anything and you wouldn't be impressed, but god forbid I make a small mistake at school or I make a personal choice, then I'm just the worst!"

He looks at me the way a person looks when they just want to drown someone.

"Listen to me, young lady. I want you to listen right now, and listen good. You are seventeen years old. You do not know what's good for you. You will do as I say, and you will leave Louis behind. You will not speak to him again. You will work as hard as you can, and you will give your best at the games. If you do otherwise, you can never come back here. You will never be able to redeem yourself. You have a choice to make, so I'd advise you to make the right one. Is that clear?"

I just look at him, my amber hair sticking to my face from crying so much.

"Yes." I just murmur with defeat, getting up from the couch. "I'm going to bed now to think about what I did. I won't mess things up anymore. Goodnight."