Class of '97

13. Self-Destruction

March 18 19979:53 pm

Doompulled out a green spiral bound notebook and a brand new ballpointpen. With tears in his eyes, he set down the book on the floor nextto him and bent over it uncomfortably to write a letter.

DearAll;

Iam sorry that I am putting you through this, but I know in my heartit needed to be done. I am sorry if you have to live through hellbecause of what I did, but I know right now, in my last days, thatthe hell I went through my whole life is exactly why I am doing whatI am going to do. No, Kyle is not making me do it. I am wanting to doit all on my own, for my own reasons, to end my own life in acontrolled way.

Ilove all of you and I want you to know that I do. Mommy and dad andMegan, I love you all in different ways. Even though you have neverbeen there for me, I care about you and I hope you all do well afterI die. I love you all and I cannot say it enough.

Ihave a lot of nice things thanks to all of you, and now I have to gothrough the hard part of deciding what is going to happen toeverything before I go.

Iam going to start with my stereo system which I am going to give tomy step-brother Jacob. We do not like the same music, but even thoughyou are young, you have a very eclectic taste, and I like that. Youare a performer and you deserve a stereo to listen to show tunes orband tunes or rock and roll music, whatever you get into when you area teenager. I think it is good to start collecting music as soon aspossible, and I wish I started when I was your age. But who would buymusic with nothing to listen to it on? So that is why my stereo isyours now, Jacob. It is fairly new, but that is good because I put myold one through a lot. Also, my old one only played tapes, thisstereo plays tapes and CDs. When you start your collection, you willhave to choose which platform to buy your favorites on. There is awider variety on tape, but CD sounds much better, so I suggest thatyou buy CDs whenever you are able to, even if they are moreexpensive. I always sort of envied you, little dude, and you shouldknow that I cared about you. I hope you go really far in life andlive with no regrets. I hope your mommy lets you keep the stereo eventhough it was mine, and my name will soon be synonymous with evil.

Ispent a lot of time playing my games, and that's why I am giving itto my cousin Roger. We never got to spend much time together butwhenever we did we had a great time at the arcade or at my houseplaying my games. There is no one else I know who I think wouldappreciate this gift as much as you, so that is why you deserve mySNES and all of my games. I have neatly placed all of my games and mySNES on top of the TV downstairs. Please mail them to Roger, or havehim pick them up at the funeral. However it works out, I want him tohave them, all of them, so whoever reads this letter, it is your jobto give them away to Roger. Roger, I am sorry your cousin is such afailure in your eyes, but I assure you what I am going to do is bestfor the world, and it is what is best for me.

Mywatch, which I have not taken off in years, is now next to the SNESand games on top of my TV. Mommy, you gave it to me when I wassixteen, and I have worn it ever since. I always thought about youwhen I was checking the time and date, and even though you won't haveto wear it, you can now use it to think about and remember me. It wasdefinitely one of the best gifts I ever received, and I have beenspoiled rotten by the both of you with electronics of all sorts. Thiswatch is simple, and it was exactly what I wanted. I wish I couldtell you how much it meant to me. I hardly ever took it off. It wasnever damaged or ruined in any way. It was comfortable and stylish.Thank you, mommy, for everything you have done for me, even thoughyou were so busy. I never blamed you for the divorce. I never blamedyou for anything. I love you.

Tomy little half brother Marcus, I am giving away my phone. Maybe youwant to put it away until he is old enough to use it, being he isonly ten, but he wants one, and I want his first one to be mine, justfor the sake of putting it to good use. He is quite the popular kidfor a ten year old, and I hope he stays that way. I hope when he getsin high school he has no problems, no one picks on him, and no oneteases him. If he is popular, tell him not to hurt other people, tellhim stories about his older brother Corey who was beat up all thetime and teased every single day. Tell him it is no good because inthe end, the underdog wins. I do not hate him for his pre-adolescentpopularity, do not get me wrong. I love him because he is my halfbrother, and I am happy he has never had the problems I have had.

MyVCR and TV were usually used for games by me, but I know someone whocould get the most use out of it: Kyle's mom. I want someone to goover there and hand deliver the TV and VCR and tell her that I amsorry for her loss. Tell her I love her, I loved her like a mother.Tell her she treated me better than anyone in the whole entire worldhas ever treated me, and make sure someone is taking care of her withKyle gone and all. She needs help taking care of herself, she'sreally sick. Make sure the TV and VCR get hooked up and tell her thebuttons on the remote because she is almost blind and cannot see themherself. Tell her I love her so much, and that I am sorry. Make surethis is all said to her.

Ihave a wide collection of music that I started collecting when I wasfourteen or so. I want my cousin John to have this, as I think hismusic taste is closest to mine. I never saw much of him, but I alwayslooked up to him. Make sure someone gives him all of my tapes andCDs, which I put into a neat little box on the floor by the stereo. Iwrote John on it just to remind you all. I want to be able to rely onyou to make sure everything is given to the right person.

Finally,my car. I want my dad to have it, obviously, because he is the onewho gave it to me. I am sorry that I did not have enough time tobreak it in, or to put it to good use. I hope it does not burden youlike I always did. I hope you do not mind that I basically wasted acar, so I hope you like it enough to use it. It is a really bangincar, dad, and I thank you for letting me have it for as long as Idid. I love you dad, I hope you still love me.

AsI wrote this I realized how much I had. I feel bad that I had so manynice things and I still was sad, but things do not make people happy.Regardless, I hope you all enjoy all the things I have given you andthat you do not feel bad if I forgot you. I did not forget anyone. Ilove you all and I will miss you in a way. And again, I'm reallysorry. But you know what? In the end, I am not sorry at all, becauseif I was really sorry, I would not be doing it.

 Doom signed his nameat the bottom and ripped the pages from his notebook, hiding themunder his pillow. He went to sleep on it that night, thinking aboutthe day he would make his bed neatly, and leave the note on top ofhis pillow.