Okay so I'm entering a slam poetry competition and I've written this but I need some feedback on it, because I've never done anything like this before. So constructive criticism is very welcome, even if it's just a tiny word somewhere you don't like. Much appreciated!
...
She's all around you. You can feel her fingernails scratching underneath your skin, tearing at the veins beneath. You can't see her, but her half formed imprint is enough; adrenaline. Shortness of breath. Go.
So, what are you going to do? Fight? Or flight? The music's building, you can feel it flooding your veins, but hers, they remain silent. The drums they echo through your hollow chest but her reflection doesn't even waver. /what are you going to do?/ fight. Or. Flight. You /know/ there's only ever one option. But that doesn't matter, you choose run. Even though you know you can't escape, you choose run, what are you doing?,
you can't escape, can't escape, can't. Escape.
You know you have to fight. Only one choice, remember? Now you've waited too long, you're struck. You're numb to the core, but still you speak, and the music changes pace. Wind instruments as your lips sing "you are safe in your space". Brass, as your own useless words repeat to the beat "this is not going to kill you, just leave." Strings whine persistently as you fight; what are you /doing/???
Just fight, just fight, just fight.
/when/ did your words become so ineffective? Before- oh before when all would stand and tremble as you spoke, now you're just like them. You're shaking the [help me find a word] of all. You are so powerful
and yet and yet and yet
so is she. She's getting stronger and there's nothing you can do to stop that. Even though you /know/ she's not real you can't tell that to your thumping heart beat, your sweaty palms, your stinging eyes welling with heavy tears. You begin to lose any hope of winning. You CANT win. Every punch you throw, you take. Every insult you cry feels like it was meant for you. Her face sneers, cold and sharp, as she feels nothing. At. All.
You have to save yourself. There's no other way. Save yourself and be free,
save. You.
That's the only way. You see your fright in her glassy eyes like a mirror, and you know. She knows. Your breathing shudders, and she shudders right back.
"Save yourself," she whispers, and, with a smile, you realise that's all you were ever fighting for.
YOU ARE READING
Ashes (poetry)
PoesiaA compilation of poems I wrote. Each poem will be followed by a word or short phrase (the theme) which is my interpretation, but you can interpret it any way you like. All poems belong to me unless otherwise stated Hope you enjoy! ~Lois
