Excerpts from a book I haven't written.

Why I don't look up anymore.

the look of the stars reminded me of you. i think it was the way you smiled at me when we were on your roof at 2 am and the way you laughed when i told you that i loved you.
"no you don't." you smiled.
"but I do." I said.
you took a long look at me and just as you spoke your smile faded and you looked away.
"you can't love a person, until you love yourself. you cannot love me unless you feel the need to tell yourself the things you tell me. tell yourself you're beautiful. help yourself. heal yourself. do not tell me you love me if you don't take your own words."

two months later, i haven't been with you on your roof. i listened to your words on replay in the back of my mind. i understood that you didn't want me to love you, because you were afraid.

I don't get why you couldn't have told me that. i guess you didn't wanna hurt my feelings.

6 months later, we haven't spoken at all since you told me i didn't love you. i still do. im sorry.

8 months later, i deleted all of our pictures and your contact in my phone.

1 year later, i realized that you felt the exact same way i did. but you've been hurt before. and im human just like all of your exes. what you didn't know is that i didn't wanna be just another one of your exes. I wanted to be your forever. but i listened to you. i stopped loving you, because i thought that would make you happy. you told me to love myself first.
that's why I don't look up at the sky anymore.