You Are Not...A Human? (Larina) [girlxgirl]

Chapter One ♢ Who Is She?

Another day, another lousy gig at an awful dirty bar that gave me minimum pay. I had strong ambitions of singing and being a performer, though if I knew that I would end up like this, I would have changed paths.

But I'm stuck now, and I just have to suck it up, I commanded myself, taking a sip of the glass of vodka in hand.

I walked over to the mirror beside my dresser. I examined myself. My reflection that stood before me revealed a mess, the mess that was myself. It was two in the afternoon and I had just woken up, as my Hello Kitty pyjamas and bedhead had already explained. Vodka was my brunch, a gift from someone in last week's audience, who had tried to get into bed with me, but me being the typical antisocialite I am, I grabbed the bottle (that was now empty) and left him. I scoffed. You're such a mess. Get your shit together, I ordered myself. I never really spoke to anyone, I had no friends, my family was busy, so I was the only one who could help me, and I decided to do that by bossing myself around.

Taking a deep sigh, I opened the dresser beside me. I pulled out my old worn-out leather jacket and tossed it onto my bed. I pulled a red singlet top off its hanger and threw it onto the bed as well. Finally, I yanked out a black skirt and stockings, and tossed it behind me like the rest of my clothes. I opened a drawer and grabbed a pair of plain underwear and a black bra, and I sluggishly got dressed.

Once I was properly clothed, I quickly tried brushing my course, black hair, but it was just too knotty and I just gave up, only managing to fix the top layer. I took another sip of the glass of vodka and attempted my makeup. I was actually quite satisfied with my attempt to do it today, I managed to make the eyeliner look even. I guzzled the remaining alcohol in the glass and left it on my dressing table, and grabbing my keys, leaving the apartment in a mess.

I started warming up my vocal chords as I walked to the station, which was a minute away from my studio apartment. I did some finger exercises so my fingers wouldn't be stiff when I play piano accompaniment, and I continued with my vocal warm ups, on the train. I sat alone, so I could pretty much be as loud as I wished. Quicker than usual, I found myself looking at a giant text reading FARRINGDON STATION, which was my stop.

When I stepped out, I softly hummed the melody of Numb, one of my songs, and when I was finally away from most people, I began to sing properly.

I feel numb most of the time.
The lower I get the higher
I'll climb and I will wonder why
I get dark only to shine.

Before I could finish the second verse, I reached the bar. I walked around to enter through the back, as that was where performers would go. In the corner of my eye, I saw a whip of golden hair. I tried to identify who the hair belonged to, but the closer I walked, the further they got from me. Instead, I decided to take a seat, thrumming my fingers upon my thighs, practicing the fingering I was to use on piano, although it wasn't like I really cared much. I sounded terrible, I already learnt to accept that, and I learnt to accept that I messed up quite a bit, and I no longer got embarrassed because I had gotten used to it.

Moments later, I heard a feminine, American voice speak. "Hey, everybody!" I got up and snuck my head around the wall, revealing the auburn hair, connected to a body. She was a slim girl, wearing worn-out light blue jeans. She wore a bright red bomber jacket, that matched up nicely with her hair. "I'm Lana Del Rey, and I'll be singing a little song I wrote called, er, Kill Kill," she laughed, and plugged an MP3 player into the P.A. system. Her talking voice was calming, yet cute and innocent, and had that childish vibe at the same time.

But then her beachy-sounding backing track started to play, and she had begun to sing, and her voice just simply enchanted me. I was lifted into a trance by her captivating voice. Oh, her deep, soothing, magical voice simply mesmerised me. I was instantly in love. The lyrics were usually the most important feature of a song to me, but I wasn't even sure of what the lyrics were, I had just got lost in her voice, her incredible voice.