You Are Not...A Human? (Larina) [girlxgirl]

Chapter Two ♢ What Is It That I Feel?

It was the following day, and I was still thinking of that Lana Del Rey. I spent the whole day in my room, thinking about her, endlessly replaying our encounter in my head, my mind was stuck with her on repeat, like a broken record.

That now crumpled, torn-out piece of paper sat on my kitchen island. Every time I walked past it, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I contemplated calling her all day.

For a solid hour, I paced up and down the main area of my studio apartment room. Questions related to Lana flooded my mind, and I was unable to think of anything else. Lana Del Rey infected my brain.

Who was she?

Will I ever see her again?

Why was she so nice to me?

Will I ever see her again?

Should I call her?

Why do I want to see her again so badly?

Why am I thinking about her so much?

Why haven't I called her yet?

Why can't I stop thinking about her?

Why am I acting like this?

This was extremely strange behaviour for me, I never wanted to engage in conversation. I had never felt this way about someone before. I had never needed to talk to someone before.

There was just something about Lana that pulled me, I was magnetically attracted to her – no matter how hard I tried to turn away, some force just pushed me closer. I spent the whole day thinking about her, and I had never done that before, not since I became independent, anyway.

For a split second, I considered that I might have had feelings for her, like I might have mysteriously been in love with her – but my common sense knocked that idea down, I mean, well, she's a girl. I'm not attracted to my own sex. I'm attracted to guys, I'm straight...right? The truth was that I didn't actually know. But it was only logical to think that I was straight. Homosexuality was wrong, plus I had never felt anything for a girl prior to this encounter. The idea was preposterous.

She was just unique, and perhaps I had just felt I had a connection with her – and by that, I meant we were like-minded and we could relate to each other. Of course, I didn't actually know that, for we had only spoken for no more than a minute, but you know that feeling you get when you just know that you'll get along with someone? Like, we were on the same wavelength.

Or maybe it was because I hadn't socialised in forever. My conversations were limited to can I do an extra gig tomorrow night? I settled upon that, dubbing it the most logical answer. What else could it be?

But then again, I was a loner, I was not meant to have this kind of an outcome from a socialisation, I was meant to feel sick and enjoy finally retreating to solitude. Instead, with Lana, I dreaded every minute I spent not talking to her. It was almost like an addiction, I was addicted to talking to her – and now that wasn't, I was in a state of withdrawal.

I sat on the couch and switched on my tiny television. Charmed was on, my favourite television series, and I couldn't concentrate on it. Anything that could resemble Lana even the slightest, or would be somewhat reminiscent of her would cause me to think of her, and I couldn't get myself to stop. Frustrated, I turned the T.V. off, and grabbed a pen and pad.

I couldn't even write anything – and I usually spent most of my time writing, writing was my way of dealing with things and expressing myself, and I couldn't even do that.

Getting aggravated, I started pacing again. I was so frustrated, I couldn't do anything, all I could do was think about Lana Del Rey. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

So I walked over to the island and snatched the piece of paper with Lana's number on it and scrunched it up as I tightened my fist, holding it to my face. I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone. I unfolded the crinkled strip and punched the numbers written on it into my phone.

I hit the call button and the dial tone sounded.

Author's Note: Sorryyy for all the rambling, I just feel that rambling is the best way to express one's emotions, and really show the progression of one's thoughts, plus it's super easy to ramble, and it's good if there aren't many actual events in a chapter (because I've already briefly planned out eight chapters, and I've assigned events to each chapter). Also, I just wanted to note that I don't actually know what Marina's favourite television show is, I don't know if she likes Charmed, I don't know if she even knows it exists – I don't even know if she watches much television (I don't). But I love Charmed and it's my favourite television show, sooo.