When Is It Enough!

Chapter 8-The Rebuild

We moved in yet back with mama, where we first start living after we were married. I felt Like I was moving backwards then forward, we ended up finding another house which wasn't to far from the old house. much as me and Kyle tried it seems like we could not get our marriage back on track. As I started to notice Kyle was still not coming home.

I was at a store one day and this guy was looking and smiling so I smile back he ask for my number I'm thinking why not I felt like my husband don't want me gave the guy at the store my number so excited I didn't even get a name. He call, we chat, one thing lead into another. That one day lead into four years. At first I felt bad like what am I thinking I would be just like him a lier a cheater and plus I'm married, what if he find out like I did? What if he notice I'm not being home or on the phone a lot, I had so many questions but couldn't find the answer.
But when I was with him it felt right, we laugh, we talked, the sex was well you know, I felt like take me away nothing else matter but I know it wasn't gone work, here I am three kids and married. And here he was he had children but he wasn't married and he had his own place own car, later learning a girlfriend but I didn't care I was happy with him. The next day Kyle friend came by as they were getting ready to leave Kyle friend said he wanted to know if he leave his girlfriend phone would I give it to her when she stop by. Of course I say yes! Noisy old me looking though her phone now desperate as ever wondering had Kyle stop talking to Candy, Kyle friend girlfriend knew Candy before we move to the neighborhood and they were best friends so I knew they would have been texting especially about me and Kyle. as I pick up the phone and started to read the text that her and

Candy had been texting I read: girl it's like every time we have sex it hurt when I'm pregnant. My eyes almost popped out my head. I put the phone down I told myself to just breath it could not be his maybe she talking about someone else she didn't say a name, later when Kyle came home I couldn't take it anymore I told him what I had done and I ask him was he still see her? And again for the second child was that his baby? He said "No!" To both questions. Once again I knew but didn't want to believe, that once again he had a second child that he wasn't willing to claim to keep his marriage with that being said no where to go really.

As time went by we moved again back in my home town after all the moving around I though to myself Mia get it together if not for yourself the kids we ended up moving because time had got even harder with no car, no food, light getting cut off from time to time, borrowing money here and there etc. No family around just friends we met from the old neighborhood. Life was not looking up, I start drinking, smoking black & mild, marijuana if I felt like it. I became more and more depress feeling like I was stuck. Stuck in this marriage, stuck in life, as I watch time just pass me by. Then the stress start messing with my body I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, sleep apnea, I couldn't sleep at night, weight gain, etc. I ask myself the big question WHY? after all this WHY? I couldn't the answer, after I stop seeing my side piece, trying to find love within, trying to search and find answers, finding out the cheating I had done never matter because he was caught up in his fling he didn't even notice mine. I still loved him!

Often Kyle would do things to make up the wrong he had been doing, one day  I came home it was Valentine's Day I came home he had balloons and flowers on the table, he pick me up from work one day and had flowers when I got in the car, also took me out to eat once and had the waitress bring a slice of cheese cake to the table with I LOVE YOU on the plate. Kyle had a big heart but I just think being a family man wasn't for him.  I though it was so sweet the things he was trying to do and I felt like he was trying so hard to change, but down inside it really didn't matter because this wasn't  often but I was happy for the moment. 

mama start getting worst she had been diagnose with cancer also my father mother was diagnose with lung cancer.  April 6, 2014 God had call mama home I couldn't believe it the woman that thought me everything I know, the woman that has always been there had gone.  Shortly after while dealing with the loss of my now second mother to me I received a phone call June 29, 2014 advising me that my grandmother which is my father mom had passed away.  I was like their is no way I going though this on top of what me and my husband dealing with.  I was lost!  Beginning to have no feeling seem like things were going down hill. 

December 24, 2014 Kyle could take it anymore all the arguing and fighting he decided he was leaving. As time when by me and Kyle continue to see each other even though he wasn't living in the house. As we were still seeing each other I later learn that Kyle was not only seeing bit living with someone else within two months I was devastated. Why? Because I still loved him and we we're still married and still sleeping together made me believe it could be worked out.

When I learn he was talking to Carmen I reach out to her to let her know what was going on with us and what type of man she was dealing with she chose to keep seeing him, time pass he was back and fourth living with me and her clothes going back and fourth me and her arguing. Before you know it I was side chick, and a wife. Me and Carmen looking stupid letting this man play us like we were his whores. As time pass I started letting the boys go with their father to him and Carmen house as I was trying to make myself get over the pain and not allowing the kids to be involved. When Kyle would drop the kids off Carmen would stay in the car. He would want to hug and kiss all over me, me being weak would allow it. I often ask myself why? I never could come up with anything. I just know I was in love with a man my husband the father of my children. sometimes I think people often get lost in a man/woman they forget about themselves. I ask myself what is love? I didn't know what love was because I loss my mother at a young age my father was in and out my life my brother was in and out of jail really wasn't close to my sisters. I often think this plays a major part in life how you grow up.