When Is It Enough!

Chapter 14 -Therapy

I have been going to therapy since the passing of I'keem. It's been very helpful in many ways just when I though I wasn't gone make it. I did just when I wanted to kill myself God kept me, just when I though my world ended I'm still here. Adam, Kayla and I sat in I'keem room and just talked about the memories of I'keem while we cleaned up.
I found a pair of underwear in his clothes, that were wet (laughing) he would often change clothing when he wet the bed so I wouldn't know. I'keem hated going to school he would cry everyday while he was getting dress he would often ask could he stay with Betty, I would tell him, he would be able to stay tomorrow for him to stop crying. I was so excited for I'keem August 17, 2015 which would have been the date that he would have attending school. Pam went to the school for the open house for me I couldn't go, it hurt to bad seeing his desk, meeting his teachers, etc. Adam wasn't able to start on the start date either because he was still in the hospital. He return at a later date, I felt sad for Adam seeing him walk in alone, knowing he would have been walking in with his brother.

Kayla came into my room crying, tears rolling down her face sad about what was going on, being the big sister that she was she didn't want Adam seeing her sad because she didn't want to make him sad. At first we really wouldn't talk about I'keen think it was to painful for all of us. After the funeral the house was often quiet I'keem was the life of the party. He kept all of us going and sometimes I know his death just didn't effect me it effect us all. 

When Life Changes At A Blink of An Eye

Sometime we have everything planned out how we think it should go but God has other plans, I never in my life thought the things that has happen to me would happen. I had my life planned out for one I always said I wanted to be a teacher and have two kids, get married etc. well I didn't become a teacher I choose to work in the warehouse field, instead of two kids I had three, I did get married which wasn't a walk in the park, but the reality of it is I had my first child at 18 years old, moved out my grandmother house at 22 years old and got my own place, got married at the age 25 years old, had two more kids lost my house to a fire 2011 lost two grandparents 2014 loss my son 2015. 

I felt so stress at times.  I always felt like I had bad luck nothings was going right. I always had a thing for wish for example: I wish I was rich, I wish I had a nice car, I wish I had a big house, I wish I wish I wish! Meanwhile God already had his plan for my life. God plan things to happen in your life so that we can pay attention trust in him, have more faith, speak life, joy, peace, etc. I can and Will -Joel Osteen is a great book to read he talks about turning negative into positive claiming things that you want to happen good in your life. Tell yourself everyday that you can and will!