Blue {h.s}

T h i r t e e n

I was once again, in the kitchen, making a sandwich and I was once again, interrupted by my annoying brother. I hated when he embarrassed me purposefully in front of his friends and hated it even more now that Harry and I were dating.

Dating? It didn't feel like we were dating. It felt more like we had feelings for each other but he didn't want to stop being Harry Styles. The popular and attractive football star who could have anyone and anything he wanted.

          I just wanted to be everything he wanted and I felt as if it was getting harder to give it to him.

"Oh my God, Sebastian! Do you really have to be such an åss?!" I asked rhetorically as he tripped me and made me spill my drink and almost drop my glass.

His sandwich, previously mine, was loosely held in his palm as he doubled over in laughter with Niall's hand resting on his back as his laugh was twice as loud. Harry tried to stifle his laugh but let it slip.

          I was humiliated and more angry with Harry than the others. My hand acted before my mind could think and my half-filled glass was emptied on Harry, soaking the left side of his face and wetting his hair.

A chorus of 'oohs!' came from Niall and Sebastian as I headed through the living room and out to the backyard in a hurry.

           My bare feet stepped down the wooden patio stairs and onto the dirt. Grass was getting in between my toes and the earth stained my nail polish as I curled my toes to feel the soft soil.

          I realized I had started to cry when I couldn't see my purple and stained feet since my eyes had begun to water.

"Hey."

I didn't need to turn to identify the voice and I didn't want to turn around regardless. I didn't want him to see me cry. He already knew I was weak and a child and I didn't want to give him more of a reason to see anyone else.

          This isn't how I saw my relationship: lying to my mom, hiding from my brother, and not even getting to be with each other during school. Only getting to see one another when we were at his house and even then we had to hide from his father.

I walked myself over to the padded hammock beside the pool as his footsteps grew closer to me. I sat down as I wiped my tears that wouldn't stop no matter how hard I willed myself to make them.

          His long legs stood in front of me before taking a seat next to me. He obviously wasn't used to the swing and had to steady himself a bit. I was tempted to laugh but fought it.

"My hair's a bit sticky, now. Don't really get what mm' did wrong," Harry's voice lowered as he talked and I guessed he was running his digits through his messy hair also.

I scoffed immediately as he finished speaking. He didn't see how much it affected me when he laughed at me or when he hung out with other girls that I was positive had crushes on him.

"Mm' sorry, alright. Is that what you want to hear? You always want somethin' from me, Cal, and I don't know what to do anymore," his voice sounded weak.

I finally turned to look at him for the first time. "You think this is easy for me? You humiliate me daily and I stick around for what?" I threw up my hands as I asked him rhetorically.

          "I do it so I can be with you at the end of the day but I don't think that's enough anymore," I choked on a sob.

"So I'm not worth it anymore? We're not worth it anymore?" His eyes watered and he scrunched his eyebrows slightly.