It Was A Cold November Night [PHAN]

1.We All Fall Down Sometimes

The reason I'm writing this to someone who won't even care enough about me to read it,is that they forced me to.I had no choice,believe me.I'm not the guy who always tries to make people feel better.I'm just not.I did care once, and that's all they want me to write about-all the times that I actually gave a shit.
I have never written a story,and that's fine.Because this is not a story.This is the truth,and it even makes it hurt again when I'm writing.The pain is good,though.At least I feel something.
Ok,then.I tell you everything from the very beginning to the very end.They say I'll feel better when I'm done.Needless to say,I don't believe one word of it.But they can live happily with that thought,and I can keep them pleased for a while.

♣

I woke up to the annoying sound of my hearbeat on a warm day of Summer.My first thought was "What am I doing here?"and then I remembered.I had failed again.

I buried my face into the annoyingly white pillow and tried to muffle the beeping sound coming from my left.I kept breathing in there until it got too hot and I had to get my head out of the pillow.I stared at the boring white walls of my room,thinking about my Dad's excuse for this time.Oh,he got stomach bug, nothing to worry about.or he was poisoned.Damn those borritoes!

I smirked at the thought.When I didn't think about the real thing that was my life,it could be really funny.It was funny because the more Dad lied,the sillier they got;I'd reached a point where everyone knew what was happening and Dad was still trying to hide it.

As I was smiling to myself,a nurse got in the room with a board in her hand.I must have looked quite unapproachable, because she just shook her head and went out.I knew what was going to happen,though.She was gonna get the doctor,the doctor would ask me dumb questions,and I had to listen to a buttload of boring speeches before finally going home.It was always the same.

I started looking at my hand for a change of view.The tube was always my nightmare.The bruise it made was ugly,but I didn't care about that.It was itchy.Ugh.

The doctor came at last.I gave him my straightest face and got up and sat on my bed.He was a short guy- well,shorter than me,to be exact-and he had that I'm a nice doctor kinda look on his face.He sat down next to my bed,and began talking in a low voice.

"I'm Doctor Ackles.Do you know where you are?"

I let out a sigh.I used to make a lot of drama when these sort of questions were asked.But today,I just wanted to get out of that goddammned place as soon as possible.

"Well,if you're a doctor then this is a hospital."I hated when they thought I was stupid.

"Do you know who you are? Do you remember what happened?"Doctor Ackles seemed concerned.I liked it when doctors were concerned about me.That made my ignorance feel better.

"No,not really.I remember people shouting my name in awe,so I think I'm Jared Leto or something."

Doctor Ackles rolled his eyes and stared at me with this look of Why do I have to deal with you,but it faded quickly.I think he wanted to stay the same nice doctor anyway.

"Where's Pratt?"I asked, looking through the half opened door.Someone was waiting out there: Dad.

"Doctor Pratt,"Doctor Ackles corrected me.Well,I don't want to call it correcting,but whatever."He was busy so I came."He continued.I puffed out my cheeks."So,what now?"I said,still looking at the door behind him.

"Now,you father wants to talk to you."He slowed down his voice a little,like he didn't want Dad to hear him say it."Dan,listen to him.He wants to help you.We all want to help you."

I shrugged and looked away.Doctor Ackles got up,opened the door and let Dad in.I was still trying not to look at him.I really,really hated the whole let me help you thing.I didn't want their help.They weren't brave enough to give me what I wanted,so I was trying to give it to myself.What was wrong with that?

I saw Dad from the corner of my eye,wearing his usual suit and tie,like he was in a meeting.He was probably going to one soon,and wanted to finish our coversation off as soon as possible.I let out a sigh and tried focusing on my sheets.

His deep,calm voice said the same thing he always said. "Dan,"
Like he wanted to memorize my name or something."why?"
Wow.He used to ask a different question every time.This one was different.His voice was shaky,but I could see that he was trying to hide it.Why?You really don't know?

I kept my gaze on my very,very white sheets and opened my mouth to say something,but I couldn't think of the best words for it.If he really didn't know that,then I couldn't just explain it with words.Words were never strong enough.

"This is the fourth time."He said softly,and moved the chair a bit closer to my bed.Like I didn't know that.I did it all the fucking four times,idiot.You think I've lost count?

"I'm really worried about you.I don't want you to feel this way.It doesn't matter how many times I say that I care,you won't listen anyway.I don't want to lose you,son."

"You want me to appreciate this fancy room you got me? Well,thanks! But no,I don't listen.Because you NEVER listen.You were never there when Mom died.Your work was what you cared for then,so why is it me now?" I raised my voice as I said every sentence.I couldn't keep it inside anymore.I couldn't just stay silent my whole frigging life.

He seemed to be shocked by my responce.He let out a breath,fixed his tie-which didn't need fixing-and looked me in the eye."Dan,I don't want you to thank me for what I have to do for you as a parent.But I wanna help you,and that's why I came here to talk."He looked at his watch,and I didn't even bother hiding my smirk.I smirk a lot.I love it.And I also love to see everything I anticipate come true.

"You won't come home tomorrow,or the day after that.I'm going to send you to Oakville."He said with a black expression.
"What is that, a mental hospital?"I knew I wasn't that crazy to go to somewhere like that,but still.

"What? No! It's a boarding school with special offers."

"And what are those special offers? "I asked, staring at his face,trying to read his mind.It was never my best ability.

"They help deppressed teenagers."Dad said briefly.But I wanted to know more.If I wasn't going home for a couple of months,then he had to try more than that.I bet his main reason was not having to see me every day after work.

"No."I said,playing with my fingers.I always did that when things got serious.I wasn't going to go to some boarding school.And they couldn't help me with their special offers,not to mention that I didn't need help.

"No?!"He repeated."Of course you are going.I already had someone pack your things.You will go there tomorrow.I'll make sure to send a car for you.I call every day.You can come back home for thanksgiving,if you feel that you want to come home."

I just sat there,defenceless,looking at him and trying to look like it didn't bother me at all.I couldn't let him win.I will get out of the hospital by midnight.I thought.He couldn't do that to me.I wasn't going.

"You will get the help you need at Oakville,Dan.I promise.And when you come back home,you can do all the things you left off.You can write again."He smiled at me,got up,tousled my hair and went out.He was talking about my writing skills like they were gone. They weren't.I just didn't want to do it anymore.

As I sat on my bed under all those awfully white sheets,I thought about it.I didn't have any reason for not wanting to go there -I just wanted to disagree with him.Whatever it was, it was a school with all the kids that were somehow bullied,so I wasn't going to get bullied.If I didn't go there,I had to go to a highschool full of all the people that hated me.In Oakville,no one knew me.That was another bonus.And the fact that I didn't have to see Dad every day actually made me reconsider my opinion on that school.It was going to be annoying, but with no Dad or Doctor Ackles around,I would finish it.I would't fail another time.I would think this through.Let them think they've won.I thought.Well,that wasn't so bad.

I smirked and went under the cover.Literally.