It Was A Cold November Night [PHAN]

12.Take Me Back To The Start

My nightmares had become true.

I was running,like in all my dreams,running to save someone.In my nightmares it was usually Mum; and I would always fail to save her.I would have the same nigtmare over and over again;One time I would run faster,the other time I would never look away from her.But no matter what I did,she would always eventually die.One way or another.

I imagined Phil's limp body, floating in the water,the blue of his eyes turned gray.His warm,pale hands now cold,his voice never to be heard again.His smile,never to be shining my world.

The days are a death-wish
A witch-hunt for an exit

The freezing thought got to my stomach and I tripped on a small rock.Shit.

My breaths were labored,and I couldn't see anything with all the trees and my fucking messy fringe.I pushed it out to the side and out of my eyes,pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands and started to run again.

I am powerless...

I shouted Phil's name more than I could count,but there was no answer.I ran until I got to the cliff,the same old,fucking cliff that seemed to be the audience of my miserable life.The only one,the one that watched me and laughed at me from where it was sitting:in the middle of a goddamned ocean.

The fragile, the broken
Sit in circles and stay unspoken

The first thing I saw was Pj,his arms wrapped around Phil's neck and a sharp knife in a two inches distance from that pale skin of his.The second thing I saw,was Phil's closed eyes and a little blood on his forehead.It just got me more angry and distressed.

We are powerless...

Pj smiled like a maniac as he saw me come closer,and rose his eyebrows,like If you come any closer I will cut his throat.So I stopped."Let him go."Although I knew he wouldn't."Let him go."It was like the only sentence my mind could manage was that short one.Before I'd left Phil,he was worried about me.He cared about me.I just couldn't lose another one.Not again.

Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase
Silent halls and nameless faces
I am powerless...

"I knew you would come."Pj said,and his smile faded."I thought you were normal,Howell.I even started to befriend you.But then you started to hang out with the fag squad, and you became a pile of filth like them." He was talking in pure hatred now,like he wasn't looking at a human being but a pile of rat shit.

"Shut up."I said,my voice cracking pathetically.I couldn't do anything.I couldn't do anything.I couldn't do anything.

Everybody wants to go to Heaven
But nobody wants to die

"Cameras?"Pj laughed."You watch a lot of TV,Dan.All I had to do was to watch how people looked at eachother.How they talked to eachother.believe me,it's quite simple.You can tell after a while.You just know." I saw Phil's head moving a little bit.Maybe he was waking up.

"So you didn't read his diary?" I said,my lips dry and my breath visible in the crisp air.But not getting my eyes off Phil,or the knife.

"His diary?How stupid do you think I am? I just notice.I don't get my hands on anything.It's too risky."He smirked.

"I've told Pratt.He knows.They're coming."It was a flat out lie,but I didn't have anything else to say.I didn't have any other tricks.

"No way."He said,letting Phil's numb body fall on the wet,cold grass."You haven't told anyone shit about me.Because you know,"He pointed the knife at me,then Phil."that I would kill him,and you two are fuckbuddies,so I don't think you'd be that dumb."