It Was A Cold November Night [PHAN]

11.The Innocence Can Never Last

Before Phil,months didn't mean a lot to me.August to September, September to October,October to November.They didn't actually make me care.There was Christmas,with no presents under a tree or a Dad to spend some time with,and all those Halloween nights that I'd sit behind the window and stare at the street for some action,and ignore the knocks on our door.

But that October,I felt like I wasn't on my own anymore.I had Phil with me,the warmth of his very white hands,the pretty blue of his eyes,and God when he laughed or smiled,I would feel this amazing ache fill up my chest.It was so great that I wanted it to never end.

But everything ends.It's just the way things are; they should end at some point.I knew it would end,I just wanted it to last a little bit longer.Those five minutes you get before you actually wake up are the best:full of crazy, but fun dreams.
Phil was my five mintues.

Halloween has this magic of making every nerd in the world happy, even when it's a long time away.I could see everyone cheering up just to the thought of having a spooky night,but all I felt inside me was the butterflies in my stomach.Every mintue I spent without Phil would be a spear inside my heart.not knowing what was happening to him made me stressed out.

"I'm gonna ask you a question,Dan Howell,and you're gonna be absolutely honest,okay?"Phil said,pointing at my phone screen."You favorite MCR song isn't The World Is Ugly now,is it?"

We were sitting on Phil's bed at 11:36 on Halloween's night.I was wearing Phil's bat sweater.

I shook my head."No.It's Famous Last Words."I confessed,which was easier that I'd thought.

He punched my shoulder softly."I knew it!I just couldn't find a reason why you'd lie to me."He put his arm around my shoulder."Why?"

I shrugged."I just don't wanna give away a lot."

"Yeah,I get it.It's fine."He took my phone and played the song.I put my head on his shoulder to make the best out of our shared headphones.

Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?

"I love this song."I exclaimed.Phil didn't move or say anything.He just sat still, like a piece of rock.

And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part

Suddenly he turned his head,which made his part of the headphones to fall out of his ear,and he leaned forward,his eyes closed.And he just kissed me,short and gentle.

Thank fuck the music was playing at that moment,because my brain just couldn't fucking function.

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone

I tried to kiss him back, which was a fail,because I had never done it before.The sensation of his warm lips were the best part;they were so slim and so amazing and it just felt perfect.I put my hand on the back of his neck,clutching his black hair,and I keep kissing him until we were both out of breath.

I know,that was a cheesy way to describe a kiss.I warned you, I'm not a writer.I can't make up brilliant phrases or great kiss descriptions.

I pulled away,and looked into his eyes.They were shining more than ever,and I could see my smiling reflection in them.

Can you see?
My eyes are shining bright

Phil laughed."I really wanted to do that,sorry."

"It's okay,man.I happen to like surprise kisses."I took his hand and put it on my chest."See?"His face lit up when he felt my heart racing in my chest.