The Rising - Ennead 2

Scene 10.3: What the Heart Wants

Journal Entry #2

Another girl told me I'm stupid today. The others are very mean to me, they say I lack facility. I don't know what facility means, and I don't know who to ask. I hate the lessons sometimes.

Sometimes I also want to leave, but the teachers say that is a bad thing to want. I don't know what to want if I don't want that. I'm a tenth, and that is the lowest person in the class. You are a Tenth when you join, and if you get better, you become a Ninth.

I want to become a ninth, and then keep on going and going and going. But it won't be easy. The girl who said I'm stupid is maybe right. She's going to be a Ninth soon, I heard one of the teachers saying it.

I want to cry sometimes. But I know my daddy wouldn't like that. He was a soldier, just like I am going to be. Soldiers don't cry. Tomorrow I will try harder than I did today.

Journal Entry #3

Last night was awesome. In the dream class some other two boys were talking about me. I don't know what they were saying but I know it was mean. And then another boy come and asked them who they were talking about and they pointed at me.

Then they continued talking and laughing, and then he punched them and got in big fight. The teacher had to separate them, but I am sure the new boy would have won. The girls who are in my study set were saying that the fight wasn't fair, and that the other boy is an eighth with high facility.

All the boys got punished for fighting. The teachers said that Elves don't fight each other, and all the boys will get very long time outs.

The one who almost won came to talk to me afterward. He said his name is Levi Mamoa, his father is my Guardian in the true world. He says that makes me his sister. I don't know if that is correct, but it is good to have a friend now. I hope I find more.

How do you get a brother that you didn't have before? I hope I can become strong and beat up people who laugh at him too. I have to work harder now.

Journal Entry #92

The world... should go to hell. How can doing the right thing make me feel so wrong?

I want to write but I can't. I also want to cry, but I can't. My legs won't move when I want them to, so I'm stuck in bed, but I can't sleep either - not fully, at least - I can't take the risk. It's been two days since...

It's been two days since I killed Levi, and it's hard to even write it. Sooner or later the Archon will come and find me and make me explain, but I can't ... I could run, but there's nowhere to run to.

Mother thinks I'm sick, wants to send me to the hospital. I don't know what to do.

Journal Entry #93

Two entries in one day is a first for me, but today is worth it. I found a sticky note in my pocket. Levi must have stuck it in there. There's very little on it. On the front he's written, in his barely legible writing:

Don't trust everything my father says Ella. Will talk aftr. Be awesome!

It still smells like him a little. I don't know what the note means, but I'm going to keep it right here in this journal. It's the last thing I have to remind me of him.

A farsending was pushed into my skull a few minutes ago too. It's a message from the Archon. He says he hears I'm unwell, and that he's coming over to visit. Again, I don't know what to do, there is really nowhere to run from justice - not the Society kind.

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