Living Without You

Chapter 15:London

I really didn't want to talk to the complete stranger next to me, not because I was shy but because I didn't want to have an awkward conversation and have the worst seven hours of my life so to avoid all that I plugged my earphones on my phone and started listening some music while writing.

I was trying to finish one of the many books I had written in the past years, the thing was that this book was really special for some reason, every time my fingers touched the keyboard I would never stop until the chapter was the way I wanted it, it felt like I was trapped in my own little world, like I was happy with a world that didn't exist and that would never exist, a world where I didn't need to try to look perfect all the time, where I could be myself,my dream world.

As I was writing my mind wandered back to Dylan as memories from the past months flew by, our first date was one of my favourite memories.

Dylan had planned a picnic, the day he had planned it was a rainy day, the day was dark and cold but he never called to tell me plans had changed.

That crazy little shit told me we were going to have a picnic in the rain, at first I thought he was insane but in reality it wasn't that bad.

We were inside a tent like little children during summer, there were tons of blankets wrapped around us and we were watching "If I Stay" on his crappy portable DVD.

"If you ever had children, how would you call them?" He asked taking me by surprise, I started thinking before smirking but before I could tell the names he interrupted me.

"Wait, let me guess, Castiel?" He asked and I nodded, one day when we were watching Supernatural when I randomly said I wanted one of my children to be called Castiel, "I don't even know how you would call the girl."

"I would probably call her Cassidy or Claire."

I went back to reality when the boy next to me said something, I paused my music and turned to face him.

"I don't want to be nosy or anything but were you listening to Halsey?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, do you like her?" I asked trying to build a conversation.

"Yes, of course she's awesome. What's your name?" He asked smiling.

"Jess." I said smiling back, he seemed like a nice guy, since I was looking at him closely I noticed that he had really blue eyes and his hair was styled in a quiff making him look younger.

~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't long before we landed, I had discovered a lot of stuff about him, his name's Will, he's 18 and he is originally from South Africa but he moved to London at a very young age and he's been in some movies.

He was sleeping so I took that time to write, it had become one of the most important things in my life.

I have not been myself these days, everything has changed inside me, it's all because of my insecurities, lies and rumours.

It wasn't anything new when I lost him like I lost everybody, just by saying one phrase the person I cared about the most was gone.

That affected me more than I wanted it to, I fell into depression , sadness consumed me completely, people that once supported me were all gone, one day one person told me that time would make it go away, maybe not completely but it would be enough for me to move on but every time I tried to move on I saw him with other girls, we were still friends but it wasn't the same, we grew distant and he would always spend time with everybody but me.

That drove me crazy at first, just the thought of losing my best friend made me burst into tears, the worst of all was the way he flirted with other girls, it all meant nothing, what we had was nothing to him, the person that helped me heal all my wounds wasn't there anymore, he was replaced with a complete stranger I could never forget, every time I would listen his favourite song would always keep playing, I was never able to stop loving him, everything he did was just different, we would always sit somewhere, intertwine our fingers together and talk for hours about anything, all the stuff that I did reminded me of him, of his beautiful deep green eyes and his crazy brown hair.

All my day dream came to an end when I discovered he never truly loved me as much as I loved him, he only did what he did because he felt "sorry" for me, all his "I love you's" were lies, meaningless words that left his mouth without any effort, I had ignored the correct person and had lost all my time in someone who would finish hurting me.

I tried to find someone else but no one helped me as much as he did.

All he wanted was a pretty girl, something that I wasn't , I was never enough for him but he was always enough and more.

He was just making me sad so I did what that thing said:

If you love something then let it go, If it comes back then it's yours but if it doesn't then it never was.

He was never mine and he never will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got so carried on with the last part omg.

Melanie Martinez is awesome, I can't stop listening to Dollhouse, Alphabet Boy and Sippy Cup

Also Pol (exclamationpoint) is not going to be on ep anymore :(

This was literally written in about an hour.

So, we've reached 1K!!!!!!

Here's my speech:

When I started writing Living Without You it was just a Dylan O'Brien fanfic but as time passed it became a lot lot more than that, it was basically the centre of my universe, I found myself in Jessica's place, this story has become a really big part of my life, I try to put my heart in the stuff I write, I've got this dream of becoming an author/YouTuber, many people including my parents have told me it will not be possible but I'm here to tell you that everything is possible if you try.

Okay so ending the speech, can we please talk about Quicksilver? I mean, he's awesome!!!

Anyway, thank you so much for 1K.

~Sarah xoxo