Standing Alone

Ch. 4 - Thinking

I guess what I had been drinking last night was alcohol or had alcohol in it because I don't remember a single thing that happened after I snapped out of my flashback.

I woke up in my bedroom with a blanket over me, still wearing my jeans and tanktop. Shit, what time is it? My mind is groggy.

I get out of bed and go downstairs. I'm faced with a huge mess of cups and food. Rachel is on the couch asleep in a tangle of blankets. Two other people fell asleep on the floor. I rush to Rachel, and shake her awake.

"Come on Rachel we have to clean this up, my mom could be here any minute!" I say in a groggy panic. She stretches and swaps the air. I give her one more shove and then she gets up suddenly.

"What happened last night Brook?!" says suddenly, but with sleepiness audible on her voice.

"I-I don't know," I lie, "I just freaked out, maybe it was because I was drunk I don't know." I avoid eye contact with her. I hate lying.

"I mean it was pretty bad, no one knew what happened."

"Yeah, I know, but we really gotta clean this up!"

She gives me a sympathetic look but then rolls her eyes. Her feet slide out onto the floor and she stands up while stretching.

I go grab two trash bags and hand one to her. I begin frantically collecting the crap that was all over the ground.

After about 10 minutes I stop and inspect our work. Most of the main trash is cleaned up but it definitely needs to be swept and vacuumed. Sigh.

The two people had since woken up and left, leaving just me and Rachel. Which was fine with me, I think I need a break from people.

I hand the broom to Rachel and pull our vacuum out from the closet. We finish in about another 10 minutes. The house looks decent enough and Rachel decides it's time for her to go home and sleep. The time is 7:48 a.m.

She collects her stuff and grabs her car keys. I hug her goodbye.

"Last night was fun," she says but then pauses, "well until that happened." She was talking about my breakdown.

"Yeah," I say with a little laugh. I smile and wave as she walks to her car.

She waves as she drives away. I close and lock the door slowly. I sigh, leaning against the door. My back slowly slides down the door until I'm sitting down. I reflect on the craziness that just happened over the last 10 hours. I close my eyes for a second and take a couple deep breaths until I feel like I can stand up.

Even though I know she doesn't know about the party, I don't really want to face my mom when she comes back.

I go back upstairs and change out of my outfit and into black leggings, a sports bra with a hoodie sweatshirt from Hollister over it, and some nice fuzzy socks. I inspect myself in the mirror. My hair is messed up. The quick fix: a messy bun. My makeup is slightly smeared but I don't care. I brush my teeth and then quickly pull on and lace up my boots.

I walk to the kitchen counter and pull out a notepad that we keep. I leave the following note:

Mom-
Went on a walk around the neighborhood. Not sure when I'll be back.
                -B

I walk out the door, closing it behind me, stepping into the crisp autumn morning air. It's cold but refreshing to my slightly hungover self.

I shiver and begin to walk down the driveway and head to the park. Why the park? I think to myself. Who cares, just anywhere but here.