Broken Hearts & Forgotten Memories // Oliver Sykes [On Hold]

Chapter One: I'm Drowning In A Deja Vu

This is the sequel? I guess, to 'Self Destruction'. This story is written with the lovely, @SelfishMachiness and @TeddySweets ^.^

Chapter One: I'm Drowning In A Deja Vu

Title Credit: Seen It All Before by Bring Me The Horizon

Song: Fifteen Fathoms Counting by Bring Me The Horizon [The song is looped because the original is too short. .-. Amazing song, though]

~Oliver~

"This next song... this next song goes out to anyone who's ever lost someone special to them... Six years ago, I lost my beautiful girlfriend to a blade. Now, I just want to say no one should ever harm themselves. You all are too good for that... Anyways, this song is called 'Suicide Season'." I announced, my smile widened once I saw everyone shouting in excitement.

"We stare at broken clocks. The hands don't turn anymore. The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places. The day you lost him I, slowly lost you too. For when he died, he took a part of you!"

~*~

By the time we had finished preforming the song, I had tears streaming down my face. My fans know that I lost Lily six years ago. They know she committed suicide and they know that our album, Suicide Season, was inspired by her and Tyler's suicide. Also the depression I went into after her death.

Most of the songs on that album are written about that time in my life. The song, Chelsea Smile was written about the secret I had from Lily and how unhappy we both seemed to be at the time.

Suicide Season was written about the depression Lily went into after she found out about Tyler's suicide. It also was inspired by how I was feeling after her suicide.

It Was Written In Blood was inspired by Tyler's suicide letter. Most of the lyrics in that song quote his letter.

Fuck, that album is one of the most intimate albums we've ever written. I was so depressed after Lily's suicide that I didn't even fucking go to her funeral! At least, I think she had a funeral. I'm not sure, though. I basically blocked everyone out for months until I decided that it was time for me to get back up.

I basically took out all my emotions on to that album. It has and always will be an album I hold very dear to my heart. I thanked the crowd before we all ran off the stage. Tonight was our last night touring here in South America before we fly back home to Sheffield tomorrow.

Honestly though, I hate the idea of going back home. We go on another tour with Josh's band, You Me At Six in three weeks but dammit, I hate being alone. Usually, the guys all have girlfriends to see back home or family members. Matt has his girlfriend, Alexis. Yes, Matt is dating Alexis now. We were all kind of surprised when they told us but they're happy together and that's all that matters.

Lee has his girlfriend, Chris. Vegan has his fiance, Lexy and Jona has his girlfriend, Lisa. I've had my past relationships but none of them ever worked out. I was a clingy boyfriend but I never loved any of them as much as I loved Lily- no, love.

Yeah, I'm still in love with Lily. It's pathetic because I know we'll never be together again but I can't help it. It's been six years and I still can't forget about her. I regret not going to her funeral. I haven't even visited her grave. Her mum moved out of Sheffield and to Australia in 2005 so I can't exactly ask her.

"Oi, Oli, are you coming?" I hear Matt ask. They were all heading to the club to celebrate our last show but honestly, I didn't feel like going. I'd rather be in my bunk, listening to music instead of going to the club and getting pissed.

Shaking my head, I declined his offer. "Nah, mate. I'm going back to the bus. " I told him. Matt nodded in understanding and with that; they all walked out of the building. Right now, the techs were all packing the drums, guitars etc away. We had already done the meet & greet earlier so I didn't have that to look forward to.

Basically, I was stuck having to be alone... again.