Broken Hearts & Forgotten Memories // Oliver Sykes [On Hold]

Chapter Fourteen: I Ask Myself Over And Over Again

All thanks to the white rabbit, Teddy, for writng this amazing fucking chapter. 

Song: Props & Mayhem by Pierce the Veil

******Lily*********** 

A steady heartbeat is what lulled me to sleep and woke me up, a soft and sweet alarm clock. Last nights images filtered through my mind. Ben Bruce yelling at Oliver Sykes. My two idols yelling at each other. Both claiming to love me, one being my past boyfriend. And seeing Danny and James. No, I couldn't take the large amount of pressure blown up to overwhelm me and blow my anxiety and self control out of proportions. Now that I think about it, a headache blooms across the bottom of my neck. 

Oliver and I. Us cuddling, swaddling in blankets eating bright yellowed buttery popcorn. We watched The Night Before Christmas and I will have to admit I've fallen in love with the movie, Oliver being right about how I loved it before and the thought and fact of that being true. Despite the coziness of how nice it is to be with him.... I didn't feel a spark.  

I haven't felt a spark since Mark but that was the wrong kind of attraction. It was always me putting more care into that relationship, and Mark just lolling off doing what guys would do and I forgive him; being the desperate little whore I was. I won't be fooled again. 

Wait, I fluttered my eyes open and saw Oliver sleeping like a baby soundlessly, his red rose tattoo in my eyes view.  

What if Oliver is using me. He just came up to me at the bar, so it's possible. But is it likely? Mark was sweet at first but then the viciousness rolled out in time. What if Oli is the same? Will he abuse, hit, rape, and use me? To only glue and tape my already shattered heart together again after his damage? What if he cheats and I forgive knowing no one else but him will forever 'love' me? I don't want to feel that tightening that suffocates me again. 

I can't take it. I wouldn't accept his love. I shouldn't accept his love. I couldn't accept his love. I. Just. Can't. 

Without second thought and took instinct in my hands trustfully, I clumsily rolled off the couch without coordination. Falling to the ground with my back facing it, the back of my head clipped sharp corner of the nearby glass coffee table, squealing from pain. A groan whooshed out of my lungs as I audibly whimpered and curled my knees to my chest, cupping the back of my head with my hand. 

Just a foot above me to the side on the white leather sofa, Oliver shifted and mumbled undetectable words, before pressing himself up into a cobra position with his palms, looking at me with blearily eyes before making a connection. 

"Lily?!" He said, panicking and startled," Are you okay? What happened?" Oli hopped off the couch to push the table away for some room next to me with his lanky arms. Groaning, I sat up with my hand still putting pressure on the throbbing wound feeling Oliver's cold hands gently touch the place my hands covered. 

"I fell.... as if it kinda wasn't obvious." I spoke trying to lighten the mood a bit by attempting to laugh slightly, but turned out as a buzz kill. I could physically feel the frown on my face, the draining emotion sucking out happiness, feeling like no difference. 

"Hey turn that frown upside down." Oliver cheered in a silly way, swinging his arm in a check position," Now let go of the boo boo so we can check it out in better lighting." He said it gently while his fingers slowly released mine from the injury, a blossom of pain humming with flowing heat in my neck and skull. 

"You realize that sounded ridiculously cheesy right?" I joked with him as he took my hand and led me to the kitchen, me leading the way. 

"Yes, I'm very well aware." He breathed with a wide smile i'm sure before he patted a stood at his mini bar," Now hop up, girlie." Oli said. The comfort levels between me and him were awfully staggered. Him loving and putting full care into me, trusting I'd do the same, but.... just at least not now.