Antithesis: The Vampire Alliance Book Three - FIRST DRAFT COMPLETED

Antithesis Chapter 18: Eve Blakethorn-Sullivan June 2013

Eve Blakethorn-Sullivan, June 2013

"Gary has finally contacted Johan," Tul tells me as we walk down to the auditorium. "Apparently one of the other I.T. staff discovered the interference with the CCTV cameras and that's why the Enforcers and Paladins converged on us. All members of the department have spent the intervening time in the Senate cells while the Senate tried to get to the bottom of who had been helping us. Luckily for Gary they didn't have any evidence against him specifically; he covered his tracks too well and so they've released him."

"Or he's promised to work for them in return for his life," my cynical murmur has more than few of the people around me casting disgusted scowls at me.

"That's a little harsh," Rob points out, voicing the thoughts of the scowlers, "there's no evidence for that."

"Oh, I know, but with what Toby and Helen have done I have a certain degree of scepticism when people get out of Senate custody unscathed."

Jamie pushes past muttering, "And how many times have you gotten out of Senate custody?"

"Two," I state calmly, determined not to let my temper flare, "but never because they let me walk out of the front door."

"Oh yes, that's right, it was Sullivan they let go." Jamie retorts as he makes his way into the hall, an unimaginable amount of hatred adding an edge to his tone.

"He's an arsehole."

At my disdainful grimace Tul simply shrugs, "His sister was executed the night before Rob. She tried to run at the last minute. It took five Enforcers to restrain her even after the executioner's sword had taken off her arm. Jamie's been angry ever since, understandably so."

"Oh," with guilty understanding I admit, "that would explain why he resents people who manage to escape." It doesn't make him any less of an arsehole but at least he has a reason, I guess.

"He despises me," Tul answers, "but that's understandable too as I was on the team of Enforcers on duty at his sister's execution." There's a world of remorse under that statement even before he expands, "I could have put her out of her misery. A bullet in the head would have been kinder than having her dragged back to the block, already partially dismembered and screaming. I had the shot and I didn't take it."

"Why didn't you?" I ask without judgment, he'd worked as an Enforcer to do what good he could. His decisions had always been based on serving the greater good and I don't doubt he had his reasons.

Rob sighs and his sense of shame also flares, "Because under Senate law to do so would have been considered interfering with a sentence. A member of the public would have been beaten and locked up for a period of time. An Enforcer would be suspended and imprisoned until an investigation could determine if any treachery had been intended."

"And I needed to stage an intervention the next night," Tul reminds me, "so interfering with Gemma's execution was not a priority, unfortunately. Johan tries to tell us not to prioritise who we help or the decisions we make based on personal relationships but in the end I would always choose Rob over a simple colleague."

So would I. There's no doubt about that. My priorities are standing either side of me, no matter what I've sworn to the Alliance. What a harsh world it is we live in, where making choices over who to sacrifice and who to save is commonplace.

"Life stinks," the words tumble out of my mouth but I instantly wish I could take them back. It's got to be better than being dead, right? That thought only provokes the dread though, and as I begin to hyperventilate I know I'm about to lose control. The fear isn't always this bad but with every passing day it's getting worse.

Raising my hands I watch them shake. Iron bands of terror tighten round my chest as a painful lump obstructs my throat. My legs feel like jelly and even though they threaten to collapse under me I want to run, to hide, to disappear. If it wasn't for Rob and Tul grabbing my elbows I would have bolted back to our room. Sidestepping, they pull me out of the way of those following us to the dojo, their bodies tucking me out of sight, almost, as I rest against the wall for support. Their concern is poignant but together they manage to stay calm, even when their emotions are assaulted by my panic attack.

"I need to run. I need to hide!" Yelping the last word I try to squeeze past Rob and Tul, drawing the attention of a number of on lookers.

"Shhh, you're alright. You're safe here," Tul murmurs, whispering soothingly in my ear as he wraps his arms around my trembling body.

"I'm not, I'm not. Nowhere is safe. Nowhere. I'm going to die and I don't want to die. I don't want to die!" My barely coherent rambling is drawing ever more attention but I barely notice. These people can think what they like, why should it matter to me now? Why should anything matter to me now?

I can't stop the trembling, even as Tul holds me. Abject terror pounds against my consciousness and I know it'll eventually drive me mad. Living like this is impossible and despite my good intentions and desire to protect my friends, not to yield to a Senate victory, thisfear is incapacitating. Stop thinking, I tell myself, stop feeling this. Is that the answer? Should I just stop feeling?

No, if I feel nothing I'll become fearless, reckless, I'll put myself and others in danger. Is there nothing I can do but fear and wait to die?

Clutching my head I sink to the floor, burying my face in my hands as Rob strokes my back, trying to calm me. However I can feel their own composure deteriorating as my fear assails them, as they too feel the weight of my prophecy.

"What's going on?" Johan demand as he pushes through the crowd outside the auditorium, wilting when he sees me on the floor.

"Go and find your seats!" He orders the gathering spectators and thankfully they quickly disperse.

"She's having another panic attack." Rob's response only goes to increase Johan's anxiety, I can smell it. How I wish I could hide from that too.

"You do realise this is happening every other day now?" Our leader asks and I doubt he means to sound as uncaring as he does.

There's a brief second of silence and I suspect from their irritation that my husbands are staring at Johan in annoyance before Tul states, "Well it hasn't exactly gone unnoticed, we do live with her. Considering what she's going through I personally think it's a testament to her strength that she isn't worse."

Not able to bear being talked about like an invalid, I fling myself to my feet, pushing past the three of them to flee. I don't care who sees the tears on my cheeks now.

Johan catches my elbow as I turn and while I could easily break free he looks determined to hang on as he remind me, "They'll only swear allegiance if you're present. You need to be here or Grace will cancel the arrangement."

Obligation is one of the few things I have left it seems. I know we're only being called together to witness the oaths of the humans Grace has persuaded to join our cause but I resent that my presence is critical. Grace obviously doesn't trust other vampires yet, though that's something she's have to come to terms with soon. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?

"You need to stop pressuring her," Tul answers as he pulls me back against his chest.