Antithesis: The Vampire Alliance Book Three - FIRST DRAFT COMPLETED

Antithesis Chapter 35: Eve Blakethorn-Sullivan September 2013

Eve Blakethorn-Sullivan, September 2013

As he stares up at the ceiling Rob’s frown deepens. Guilt, anxiety and a deep melancholy had settled over him in the meeting room and even now we’re back in our room it hasn’t shifted. I can predict what is wrong, even without my seer’s ability. It doesn’t surprise me when he finally asks, “Have you ever looked, at all the things I’ve done?” He doesn’t turn to me, staring fixedly at a blank point on our ceiling.

“No,” my reply is truthful. “I never saw any need. I accept that you’ve killed people but I don’t need to see it. I know Tul was an Enforcer so I accept that he’s killed people too. I know what you did to people because you did it to me and I’m not naive enough to think I was a special case, but I also know what you did as 1352 wasn’t your fault.”

“There were some things I only did to you,” he answers and I remember alley where we had sex, against our better judgement.

“Well that’s comforting,” I tease, watching the muscle in his cheek twitch. Rob’s tension is infectious and I can feel my shoulder muscles ache with it. “The point is I know things have happened in the past, I don’t need to see what or where or how. There are very few people in this building who haven’t done something they regret. I’m hardly a poster child for sin free living. I don’t need to look backwards; the past is painful enough without dwelling in it.”

“You would hate me if you looked,” Rob tells me, “you would loathe me.”

Sitting up on our mattress I look down at him, “No, I wouldn’t. The one part of history I have looked back on was the lives of Lucius and Aemiliana.” I’ve never admitted that to anyone before, that I’ve forced myself to look back into history to see who my ancestors had been and what they had done. “Lucius did a great many terrible things. He killed a great many people, violently, cruelly, often with no other reason than to smell their fear as he couldn’t feel his own. Before he met Aemiliana, and even for a time afterwards, he was the perfect example of a monstrous vampire. Yet I don’t loathe him.

It isn’t my place to say he redeemed himself, some of what he did was too atrocious for words and he hurt so many. Yet personally I can’t blame him either, he was turned into something which he’d never thought to fear and he couldn’t control it. In a way his ruthlessness was a shield he used to hide from what he’d done. I can’t hate him, even though he’s up there with many of the most merciless vampires ever to exist.

If I don’t loathe him, love, why would I loathe you?”

“Because I enjoyed it.” Scarlet tears well in his eyes, trailing over his cheeks as he scrunches his eyes closed as if to block out the memories or perhaps block out the sight of me. “Whatever they did to me to create 1352, he, I, enjoyed the power. I revelled in the killing and in other people’s pain. You should loathe me. I enjoyed it.”

“I know you did, I’ve always known.” He looks up at me, searching my expression for a lie that isn’t there. “Rob, I saw it the moment I saw 1352,” I murmur as I use the sleeves of my sweater to wipe up his tears. Studying the crimson smudges at my wrists I shudder, remembering his execution. “You mocked me before you shot me. You enjoyed it as you shattered my hand. I know what they turned you into. But that wasn’t your choice or your doing.

The only thing I ever really hated 1352 for was taking Tul from our wedding and truthfully that doesn’t matter to me anymore. It’s the past and it’s a past we resolved months ago.”

Sitting up he takes the hand he had shattered, “I’ve brought you so much pain.”

Leaning up I press a kiss to his lips, “You’ve brought me so much joy. What would my life have been if the Senate had just taken me, or if they’d sent someone other than you?”

His fingers run up my arm, going to the curve of my neck where one of the scars that cover my back comes higher up. “Who knows,” he answers simply, “who knows.”

Mentally shaking himself Rob forces a thin smile as he brings his thoughts back to the present. “You skipped breakfast and now it’s lunch time. I’ll go and see what’s available and bring you something back.”

As I’m famished there’s little for it but to smile and nod, although I wish I could heal his pain rather than simply being a distraction from it. As he leaves Tul perches on the mattress beside me, staring at the door as it swings closed. “I guess I’d never considered just how many unresolved issues he may have, after what the Senate did to him,” he admits.

“We never seem to have the time to consider it. We’re always too busy simply staying alive. Heaven forbid we actually defeat the Senate. We may actually find ourselves with time to confront our baggage and that’s a terrifying prospect.”

At my answer his gaze flicks briefly to my midriff, “You’re pregnant, if we all get through this I think we have another eighteen years or so of having our hands full before we have to face anything.”

“What a notion. I could be the first vampire breeding machine and we’ll just distract ourselves with children for the rest of eternity.” Then I laugh, putting my head in my hands, “This is ridiculous you know, how the hell did we get here?”

“We went out on the Yorkshire moors and fucked,” he responds, failing to keep a straight face and I laugh. He quickly grows serious again as he considers my concerns. “I wish I could take some of it,” he confesses, “some of your suffering, some of his suffering. Compared to you two I’ve had it easy.”

Easy. He calls having to watch Rob die and then protect me easy? He calls being tortured by the Senate and being betrayed by me easy? I shake my head, looking at the place where his right hand should be but isn’t. “I wouldn’t call it easy. You’re a wonderful man Tulloch Sullivan, you’re both wonderful men.

Tul, do something for me?” I ask gently, “Johan isn’t going to send me out with the rest of you next week and I hate that. Please promise me that you’ll stop Rob from doing anything stupid. Stop him doing anything reckless enough to be worthy of me.”

“You think he’ll go after Charleston.” Tul states, frowning at me.
I nod, tired to my core. “I think he’ll go after Charleston.”

We fall silent after that, pondering the possibility and how to prevent it. The smell of macaroni cheese drags me from my worries however, and when Rob re-opens the door he grins. “They had a choice, but I thought you’d appreciate this.”

“God, I love macaroni cheese,” a point which is made all the more obvious as my fangs drop at the sight of the plate.

“I know,” laughs Rob, as he hands me my food, “you used to solve most of your problems through the copious application of too much cheesy pasta.”

Leaning back Tul quirks a brow, “Now that I didn’t know.”

“No, well, the first meal we went out for took substantially more catching than a plate of pasta usually does.” Grinning, I scoop up a forkful of macaroni cheese then moan in pleasure as my taste buds go into overdrive at the flavour of the sauce. Being pregnant has certainly brought back my desire for food but being a vampire has also improved my sense of taste. Right now I think this plate of pasta, made on a budget in a bunker kitchen, is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever tasted.

Even Tul’s amusement at my reaction can’t detract from just how wonderful food is, which is a strange realisation considering just how much I enjoy blood. “Maybe we should give her chocolate,” he suggests to Rob, “she might actually climax over it.”

Elbowing him I scowl, “Shush you.” Then, as I accidently catch the inside of my mouth with my own fangs I admit, “I hope I learn to control the fangy response to food, nine months of trying to chew like this will drive me mad. Vampire fangs really aren’t designed for everyday food.”

“Eight months,” Rob reminds me with an endearing grin, “you’re already a month pregnant.”

There’s been a little life growing inside me for a month already, a tiny little miracle whose chances were slim from the offset but who somehow managed to come into existence anyway. Tears burn my eyes as my throat closes and my heart swells. We’d created life, despite how many lives we’ve taken away we still had it in us to create life.

“And she finally has it.” Wrapping his arm around me, Tul squeezes me lightly. “See, it’s a miracle, not a disaster.”

As my tears start to spill Rob takes my plate from me, saving my food from the blood dripping from my chin. He sits on my other side, his arms wrapping around me to as he and Tul support me through the overwhelming realisation that I truly, desperately want this baby. It doesn’t change anything else I’ve said. I still think we need to destroy the Senate before it arrives but I can’t help give in to the sense of awe I feel at the notion of having our child, at the idea of raising a child together.
I have a family.

Glancing between my husbands I can’t help but pray. Let them come back from the attack on the Senate alive. Let us make a life together. Please, God, let them be part of our baby’s future.