Help. -M.G.C.

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(When I put things in *s the character is thinking it in their head not saying it aloud.❤)
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"Do you feel anxious?"
"No." *yes*
"Any thoughts or feelings of suicide or self harm?"
"No." *most definitely*
"How is your sleep schedule? Normal?"
"Yeah it's fine." *not in the slightest*
"And are you eating normally? Three times a day?"
"Yeah, sometimes I miss breakfast but not often." *I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday breakfast. And I planed to fast till at least tomorrow night.*
"And how's the 36 milligram doing?"
"I feel like... Kind like I need more. I'm not sure but I'm not feeling any different from the 28 milligram." *I'm still sad as fuck*
"We can definitely get that looked at Ms. Redmond"
This wasn't my first time at the psychiatrists. In fact I've been there 46 times today. 4 visits away from the end of my recovery process. Last summer I attempted to jump off the roof of my house shortly after slitting my wrists open. None of it worked. I was still breathing, heart still pumping, and I hated it. Each visit consisted of a few questions about sleep patterns, eating, ex. Most them I lied about. I was broken and 50 visits with some lady asking me questions won't help fix me. Luckily the visits where only about 25 minutes each, I checked the time. 4 more minutes left. Ms. Lundquest (my psychiatrist) started to write a perception for a grater dosage of my regular antidepressants. She put the paper in an envelope making sure to write Athena Redmond on it and handed it to me.
"Looks like we a are a couple of minutes early. But if you won't tell anyone I won't either" she smiled at me and opened the door open. I walked out into the waiting room with my head down as usual. But something caught my eye, bright red hair and pricing green eyes staring strait at me. He smiled and I (to be polite) smiled back. "Come in Michael." Ms. Lundquest yelled out into the waiting room. I Opened the door (exiting the building) as the bright haired boy stood up and walked towards Ms.Lundquests office.
*Michael, Michael, Michael* I repeated it in my head hoping the name would stick.
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It had been a week since I had been to the Doctors or seen Michael. The drive there took at least a half an hour and about 50 minutes with traffic. I got there in time and sat down. The normal questions where asked I lied about every one. She weighed me and wrote down the number with a confused look over face.
"You have lost 7 pounds in a week." She looked up at me now concerned. "Are you eating"
"Yeah 3 times a day." *I was in the middle of a fast. I had planned for it to last 3 days. But she will never believe I've eaten recently if I've lost 7 pounds.*
"I joined soccer so I've been work in out lately and also eating good things." I smiled to try and convince my psychiatrist that o was okay.
"Okay let me know next time though. And even when trying to eat healthier try and eat bread and things to balance it all out."
I nodded. I tried to get though today's session quickly so I might have the chance to look at Michael a bit more maybe figure him out. We ended 7 minutes early and I walked into the waiting room with my head down as usual. I sat down to wait for my ride. I looked up and there he was. He was wearing a Metallica shirt that was a bit too big for him but didn't swallow him up. I realized I was staring at him as soon as he waved at me. I started getting all red and embarrassed. He chuckled. He stood up and started to walk towards me.
"Mr. Clifford, I'm ready for you." Shit he was leaving. I was about to talk to him, and he just... disappeared. On the ride back home all I could think about was him. What would he have said to me? Why was he there? Was he as fucked up as me? Would he be scared of me? But lost of all I thought about how beautiful he was, and how beautiful his name was, Michael Clifford. I loved the way it sounded.
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3 more visits. How am I going to talk to him with only 3 more visits? God I should have said something last week. Why didn't I?
I came to the appointment early today to get done and have the possibility of finding our what Michael wanted to say.

I sat down with a hello. The normal questions where asked and I smiled as I looked at my watch, we where done 15 minutes early. But this time Ms. Lundquest told me to sit back down when I got up.

"Have you had any feelings recently?... Romantic feelings?"

"...No?" *yes*'

"I know Im not really supposed to do this but, The boy thats appointment is after yours... He asks about you sometimes. I wouldn't usually say anything but I think you two should talk sometime. Maybe set up a session with the both of you. I think you could help each other."

"Sure. That sounds...." *amazing, wonderful, exciting* "fine."

"Thats great Athena! I will make sure to let him know." She gave me a hug and then opened the door for me. Still 8 minutes left. I held my head down, and then lifted it up. He stood was staring directly at me. I sat a few seats away so I didn't seem creepy but wasn't too far away.

"Hey."

Ive been waiting for this don't fuck it up. "Hey." Wow what a way to not fuck it up.

"My names Michael."

"Athena." I sounded bitchy like I didn't want to talk to him. I was such shit at talking to people.

"As in the goddess?"

"Yeah, but thats nothing like me" I let out a small snicker.

"You look the part." His face started to turn pink.

I had no Idea what to say. I should have said something. I said nothing. Why am I so fucking stupid.

"Michael, I'm ready for you." Ms. Ludquest called into the waiting room.
"That's me."
Why can't I fucking talk to him.
That night I noticed something. I haven't been cutting, or fasting, or having trouble sleeping. I knew why too. It was because him. I wanted to be okay for him and he made me want to be okay.
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This week's appointment was with him. The boy who had kept me clean from everything for 2 weeks. The boy who helped me feel stronger with only a few words between us.
I in in and waited in the waiting room for Ms.Lundquest. Michael walked in. He had a sweater on today it looked warm and comfortable it matched his smile. He sat down next to me, in silence. I felt his hand on mine he intertwined our fingers.
"I want to help you, and I need you to help me... Please."
I didn't say anything at first just squeezing his hand to let him know I was still there.
"Athena I want to help you but you have to let me help you."
Tears started to roll down my face.
"I love you." I said it.
I hated that I said that.
I had talked to him twice.
I was such an idiot.
He didn't love me ba-
"I love you too."

"Michael, Athena, I'm ready for you."

"We can do this." Michael helped me up with his hand and then never let go of my hand. I never wanted him to let go.

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Love at first sight guys.
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