You know those stories where the girl meets the boy, the girl falls head over heels for the boy, the girl vows to do anything for the boy and claims she will walk the ends of the earth for him? The boy in return makes the girls life a living hell by doing something stupid like...kissing another girl at a party but claiming it was a "drunken mistake" and after the girl wants nothing to do with him, he jets out a big romantic sign of his love...something like trespassing into the closed aquarium just so he can show her the penguins because she loves them so much. The girl then in return will leap into the boy's arms and they'll share a firecracker of a kiss, the kind of kiss that leaves you both breathless but you refuse to break contact because just one second where you aren't touching...feels like a lifetime. And once that romantic moment is over, the girl and boy get married and live happily ever after. But the reason that same, over played story, is so overrated is because none of it is real. Yeah, sure there could be a guy who loves so deeply and passionately but some guys will mess it up. They will push you a little too far, way beyond anything you've ever handled and it isn't until you're drowning in the deep end that you realize...you gave him so much power over you. You entrusted yourself with the burden of "following him to the ends of the earth" and for what? For you to end up like I did? This isn't a story where I fall in love with my best friends brother, or fall in love with the badass cool kid in my high school and this definitely isn't where I fall in love with a guy only to realize that he's a vampire, sent from another world to protect an ancient relic my great ancestor gave me or some some crap like that. No, this is a true love story, one where I hopeless give my all to a man and because of this foolish decision I do unspeakable things...I do things I swore I would only read about in books. I wish that there was some sort of reset button, a button that just takes me back to April 27th 2001, when I met Adam because then I would've walked out from that house party, into my cheap broken down Honda and went home to bed. I wish life turned out that way for me. I wish I could've chosen a simple life, not the life Adam offered me. The one with expensive boat rides across the river or spontaneous private jet trips to Hawaii so I could feel what "real sand" feels like. But I couldn't walk away from Adam's magical life because it was everything I wanted as a kid. I wanted a man who was just like him. I wanted someone who knew how to take care of me, who finished my sentences before I did. I wanted someone who knew how to sweep me off my feet and could take me away from my hypothetical farm life and move me into a giant castle, where we would dance the night away, swirling and twirling on lawns until he almost had the chance to kiss me at midnight. But no, I would've regretted my choice of walking away if I had, I wouldn't have been content knowing that almost 4 years ago I walked away from the blue eyed god who saved me from the crappy life I thought I would have inherited. Everything about Adam screamed different. From the way he made himself the most important person in a room even though some people had no idea who he even was, to the way he could make girls swoon with just one glace. Truth is I never had an Adam in my life, I always got stuck with the James of the world. Who's James? Well James was my first boyfriend. He was sweet and kind but man was he sensitive. He cried about everything. He cried when I left his house after a crappy movie night, he cried when I said I enjoyed him going down on me when I just wanted to just go home and masturbate myself to sleep, he even cried after the first time I threaded my tongue into his mouth. Something about James never made me believe I deserved a strong, dominant man. I thought that I was meant to spend my life with the clingy, desperate type, who clearly had no idea what a clitoris was. But once I meant Adam...oh how life had changed. For once I was able to look at people directly in the eye, I was able to buy that 600 dollar designer dress that I would probably only wear once since it wasn't really my style...for once I felt like something...like somebody. But one thing a girl doesn't realize...is that giving that much power to someone to have over you was scary...life threatening almost. And I probably wouldn't have known how scary until this night came up. The night where I put my expensive white dress on and marched to his apartment, ready to do what we talked about. Except when she opened the door with a matching white dress on, I realized I couldn't do everything Adam told me to do...it just couldn't be done. I looked at her and realized that she was just as trapped up in his string of lies as I was and I couldn't do it. She welcomed me in, knowing full well what I was doing there. Of course it's weird to have your boyfriend's wife lead you into the living room and sit down and wait for you to speak but I knew that she knew. She knew what I came to do, she almost welcomed it. Welcomed the pain I was going to inflict, like she was content knowing that for once in her life she didn't need to pretend, she didn't need to will herself to love that monster. But I did, I loved him more than words could express, more than what I could show, more than what I could give, but Adam ruined me in many ways. He ruined my self-esteem, he ruined my body imagine, he ruined everything I wanted to accomplish but a small part of me thanked him for it. Maybe I was just as messed up as him that I could thank him for literally ruining my life but no one knew where I came from, no one knew what I suffered or what hole I crawled out of so I could be where I am today...sitting in the living room, a gun in my hand, my finger on the trigger, about to shoot my boyfriend's wife. It seemed so ridiculous, the amount of planning me and Adam put together. The amount of times we went over our little system that way we could escape with Janet's father's fortune. Phycologist call those kinds of people sociopaths but I call them passionate because Adams part of the deal was simple really; all he had to do was convince Janet of his true and undying love for her, sleep with her a couple times to really seal the deal and get her drunken, hazy mind to sign the forms that handed over all her assets to him. I knew what Adam was asking me to do, he was asking me to step into the darkness. To completely abandon my consciousness and kill her. Remember when I said when you're in love, you claim to walk to ends of the earth for your loved one? Well that's exactly what I did once her body hit the floor, a stream of crimson spilling out onto the rug. But once I heard her head crack against the tile floor something broke inside me. It was fear. Something that was literally beaten out of me by Adam because after the 15th beating in your favorite restaurant's parking garage, you stop fearing anything. But it was different with Janet. She never wronged me, she never yelled so loud in my ear that I was deaf for a couple hours, she never brought a woman back to our apartment while I was there and did things to her I thought he only did to me. No, Janet had exceeded in absolutely no wrong doing towards me, so why had I given in to Adam's plan so easily and why was it so easy for him to push this burden of murdering someone onto me and not blink an eye? I stood there, her blood pooling around my feet and I felt the weight of what was going on and it forced me to fall to my knees. My dress soaked up her blood as I crawled over to her, my hands dancing in the red. It wasn't until I got to her gasping figure that I even realized what was happening. She was trying to speak, her mouth opening to form a single syllable but the blood forcing just gurgling sounds to drown out her last words. Once the gurgling stopped and I truly thought she was dead, she surprised me by forming out a gasping sentence that will haunt me to my grave.
"We will make that son of a bitch pay."
