Grateful| Grace Helbig #Wattys2017

Chapter 36

It has been two months since the appointment where they told us about our daughter. I am seven months so we are prepared. We are going to our (hopefully) last midwife scan to check on her. We drive there and get there just as our name was called then I waddle to the midwife's room. Chester picks me up and places me onto the bed where I lift up my top to my bra to reveal my baby bump. The midwife squirts the cold gel onto my stomach and moves the probe around.

The midwife's face turns from sweet to sour. I am guessing something is wrong.

"When was the last time you felt her move?" She asks concerned.

"I can't remember why?" I reply, scared.

"To be honest with you guys, I can't find your baby's heartbeat. I am very sorry to tell you that your baby is stillborn." The midwife replies with sorrow in her voice. My heart drops the second I hear stillborn. I turn to Chester and we sit and cry knowing that I am housing our unborn dead baby.

"No...no you're lying. How is she really doing?" I sob.

"I', sorry you need to deliver tomorrow otherwise, she'll kill you as well." The midwife says dropping a bomb on us.  

"Chester you said she was going to be alright. YOU PROMISED. YOU PROMISED." I scream and I start to hit Chester in his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Chester sobs. With that we go home and get the bag ready for tomorrow, the rest of the day we stay silent. When I get into bed I cry myself to sleep, holding my bump in my hands.

The next day was very emotional. It was also silent as well. Hartley stayed with my grandparents while we were in the hospital. We had to get to the hospital early lunchtime.

We drove the whole way there in silence, we were meeting Hannah and Mamrie there. We park close to the hospital, I carry my things in as Chester helps me walk.

"We are here to get induced," I say bluntly, to the receptionist.

"Name?" The receptionist asks, noticing my pain.

"Grace See," I reply, with the same tone.

"Follow me." The receptionist replies, taking us into a private room.

"Thank you," I whisper as a single tear stream down my face

"What's wrong?" The receptionist asks, bringing me into an embrace.

"Stillborn." Is the only words that make it out of my mouth.

"I'm very sorry for your lost." She replies bringing Chester in as well.

The midwife arrives and passes me a hospital gown. I go into the restroom and get changed.

I come out Chester and me still in complete silence.

"If you could just lie on the bed I will break your waters for you." The midwife says getting her scalpel ready.

I lie down and bring my legs up, the midwife successfully breaks my waters which then brings on the full labour.

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Two hours later.

"Right honey,  you're fully dilated, you ready to push?" The midwife asks.

"No... It wants it all to end Chester. Why us? Why us? We didn't ask for this?" I finally break the silence between me and Chester, he brings me into a side hug.

"We are going to do this together, not just you, not just me, together. We are going to meet our girl, even if she doesn't meet us. We will tell her how much we love her and how one day we will see her again. Do you hear me? I promise we will get through this. Now let's push." Chester replies, with tears streaming down his face.

"Together?" I whisper.

"Together." Chester repeats.

I get myself ready, and Chester puts his arms behind me waiting for to start pushing.

"On the next contraction, push with all your might." The midwife orders.

I start pushing as the next contraction comes. The midwife tells me to pant so I follow her orders.

Within the next three pushes, she was out... Lifeless but out.

"You've got a little girl." The midwife announces as she cleans her up by wrapping her in a towel and the passing her to us so we could hold her.

"Hey, baby. I'm your mommy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And this...this is your daddy. You didn't meet us, but we met you. The minute I set my eyes on you, I loved you. And I'm sure daddy felt the same way. Oh and Hatty your sister she loves you. One day we will meet again. I promise this isn't it, there is more." I say cradling my baby in my arms. I pass her to Chester who could just stare and kiss her continuously.

"You got a name yet for her." The midwife asks.

"I was up all night, thinking of one. I came up with Aida (a-da). It means visitor." I explain.

"I like Rae as a middle name," Chester says holding his daughter in his arms, looking down at her.

"So her name is Aida Rae See." The midwife replies writing it on the birth and death certificate.

Mamrie and Hannah arrive a little later on.

"Hey.. Where is she?" Hannah asks as she walks into the room.

"Be very gently, she will be cold, and don't be alarmed if she looks a little blue," Chester says placing her in Hannah's arms.

"I won't. She's beautiful, well-done guys. Auntie Hannah loves you baby girl. Don't you every forget that." Hannah says giving off a speech.

"Pass her here!" Mamrie says, reaching out her arms as Hannah places Aida in her arms.

"Hey, Aida. You won't remember me but I will remember you. And I will always remember the day your mommy found out she was pregnant with you. Don't think you were never loved because you were. Don't forget that Auntie Mamrie loves you and I always will." Mamrie's voice cracks as she breaks down into tears.

We get the camera out and take some of the very few photos we could take of our little girl.

And then the undertaker came and toke her to the funeral home.
It is the worst feeling seeing your child being whisked away in a box, knowing that you can't help her, knowing that even though she is gone you can't help but want to make her fight for just a little longer. The rest of the day I and Chester laid down together in complete silence and in the end, we ended up falling asleep curled up together on a hospital bed.

Knowing that our daughter is gone.

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The next few months after, we both quit our YouTube channels to focus on our family and friends.
The funeral for Aida was very short but was still a loving time.

I and Chester have never been so close as of now.

And with that I know that I love Chester, I love Hatty and I love Aida and I think my world would be a whole lot different if they weren't in my life.